Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 18 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Burglary suspect arrested after stealing Oklahoma deputys patrol car Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 18 in 1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on American soil of English parents. The colony that is now Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ole' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for many years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her starting growing. The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Jill continued to try getting the car to start up again. Finally Jill gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Jill said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and honk your horn like a demented idjit for you." ______________________________________________________   The Lady Gouldian finch is a small, multi-colored bird. Both sexes are covered in green, yellow, blue, purple, red, and black. They are endemic to Australia, preferring tropical savanna woodland habitats in the northern part of the country. In 1992, it was classified as endangered in the wild with less than 2,500 specimens. This bird is, however, popular with people and in the late 1990s, there were over 13,000 in captivity. _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers. They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers. When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jason Ostrom, Ninnekah, Oklahoma  Burglary suspect arrested after stealing Oklahoma deputys patrol car  An easily-identifiable suspect is behind bars after he allegedly stole a patrol car on Monday night. On Monday night, deputies with the Grady County Sheriffs Department were investigating the burglary of a home in Ninnekah. When they arrived at the scene, deputies were able to take Jason Ostrom into custody. After handcuffing Ostrom, a deputy placed him in the backseat of a patrol car while he spoke with the victim of the burglary. According to the Chickasha Express Star, Ostrom was able to climb into the front seat and take off in the deputys patrol car. Authorities say Ostrom collided with the side of a Ninnekah patrol car, led officers on a chase and crashed the deputys car into a ditch. Ostrom was taken into custody a short time later. He is now facing charges of second-degree burglary, leaving the scene of an accident, malicious injury to property, obstructing an officer, drug possession, eluding, unauthorized use of a vehicle and escape after lawful arrest. 
  From: Daniel Re: CD to Favorite  Dear Webby another question. is it possible to add a song that i am playing from a cd on my computer to " favorites " ? thanks again, daniel   Dear Daniel With some browsers you can, but you can always make a desktop shortcut to it. It will only work when you got that particular CD in the machine. If you want it to work at all times, copy that song to the hard drive and THEN make a desktop shortcut to it. Have FUN DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of seven) answered with a sad and disappointed voice, "Thou shall not kill." 
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 An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chicken." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chicken with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chicken caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a blower or broom to clean grass clippings off your walkways and mower. Make sure to remove grass from any drains to prevent clogging. Compost bagged clippings instead of throwing them away or just leave them to mulch the lawn.  If you try composting lawn grass, make sure you mix in fluff, or it will kill your compost. Anything loose will work. Peat moss is fine, left over garden soil, kitchen garbage, shredded cardboard, etc. Without that you will get a locking layer that will stop the compost from working until you dig it over into the alternate bin. Usually it is much easier to just mulch the lawn clippings right back onto the lawn. Have FUN! DearWebby  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
Tattooing in the Civil War Was a Hedge Against Anonymous Death 
 ___________________________________________________ A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 18 in 1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on American soil of English parents. The colony that is now Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured Santa Fe, NM. 1894 The Bureau of Immigration was established by the U.S. Congress. 1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. out of World War I. 1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in Chicago IL. 1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the U.S. and Canada. 1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan against the possible enemy attacks during World War II. 1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 1963 James Meredith graduated from the University of Mississippi. He was the first black man to accomplish this feat. 1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were sent back to the U.S. 1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the bow of an Iraqi oil tanker. 1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted against President Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were responsible. Gorbechev and his family were effectively imprisoned for three days while vacationing in Crimea. 1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia Military Institute's 158-year history. 1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 2004 Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game) where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items and make billion-dollar business deals. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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