| Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 21 ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 21 in 1934, Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to fingerprint all of its citizens. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Gilbert man gets 25 years in prison for killing wife, trying to covering it up _____________________________________________________ Q I had an epiphany a few years ago where I was out at a celebrity party and it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to meet a celebrity who is as smart and interesting as any of my friends. --- Moby, quoted on CNN.com, March 2005 You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) ___________________________________________________ >From Lilly My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. "But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable." ______________________________________________________ A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four- year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." ______________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." __________________________________________________ Good Morning, Helmut-End-Of-List! Today is Monday, August 17 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead California man busted for distributing child porn online _____________________________________________________ Today, Aug 16 In 1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany. _____________________________________________________ I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) _____________________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." _____________________________________________________ Danmark - Charlottenlund Fort sunset Michael Christensen ___________________________________________________ A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four- year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sergio Gonzalez, 31, Visalia, California, USA California man busted for distributing child porn online A Visalia man is being held on more than $1.7 million bail after he was arrested for the suspicion of distributing child pornography. The Tulare County Sheriffs Office Cyber-Crimes Unit, working with the Central Valley Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force, arrested 31-year-old Sergio Gonzalez of Visalia who is accused of distributing child pornography online. Detectives investigating the case learned Gonzalez would create fake social media accounts where he would share images of child pornography. Detectives served a search warrant at his home where they found numerous images of child pornography. Gonzalez is currently being held on $1,750,000 bail at the Tulare County Sheriffs Office South County Detention Center. ---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Melinda RE: Caps Lock Dear Webby yeah, I know you told us before how to deal with Caps Lock. But the last time you tod us, I just laughed instead of writing it down. Due to galloping senility, I can't remember. Please tell us again how to deal with that nuisance Caps lock! Thanks Melinda Dear Melinda Take a spoon and pry it off. Then you can toss it wherever you want. I take it and some 5 minute epoxy and glue it onto the coin operated copier at Walmart. Do that once, and you will never forget. Have FUN! DearWebby ---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Have you heard about the latest diet craze? You're allowed to eat anything you like, but only in the presence of naked fat people! _____________________________________________ On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." ____________________________________________ While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn..... and into the hole he gooooes." ___________________________________________________ Dear Webbys Tech Support Pits From: Melinda RE: Caps Lock Dear Webby yeah, I know you told us before how to deal with Caps Lock. But the last time you tod us, I just laughed instead of writing it down. Due to galloping senility, I can't remember. Please tell us again how to deal with that nuisance Caps lock! Thanks Melinda Dear Melinda Take a spoon and pry it off. Then you can toss it wherever you want. I take it and some 5 minute epoxy and glue it onto the coin operated copier at Walmart. Do that once, and you will never forget, especially if you see somebody staring at that Caps Lock Key andTelling the knowledgeable support that it s3eems to be stuck and not working. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mark-Eric Ponsati,42, Gilbert, Arizona, USA Gilbert man gets 25 years in prison for killing wife, trying to covering it up Police say a Gilbert man killed his wife and tried to cover it up by saying she fell in the bathtub. Officials say Mark-Eric Ponsati called 911 on September 7, 2017 to report that his wife had slipped in the bathroom and hit her head. She was transported to a hospital and pronounced dead. Police then received calls from relatives of the woman who said the couple had a tumultuous marriage and that she had told them Ponsati threatened to kill her if she tried to leave him. Court documents also show that the scene appeared to be staged and that an autopsy found the woman could not have died by the single-fall injury Ponsati described. According to the medical examiner, she had multiple blunt- force injuries, spine and brain bruising consistent with shaking, along with skull and rib fractures. The police report showed Ponsanti was an active member of the U.S. Army Reserve. A Google search of him showed he was a judge advocate general also known as a JAG officer. Ponsati was arrested on September 14 on suspicion of second-degree murder. In May 2023, 42-year-old Ponsati was sentenced to 25 years in prison. ______________________________________________ In the backwoods of Arkansas, a young redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and their elderly country doctor was called out to assist her in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so's I can see what it is I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there." said the doctor, "Don't be in a rush to put that lantern down... I think there's yet another one coming...." Surely enough, in a few more minutes, the old doctor had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor in amazement. The bewildered redneck scratched his head and asked the country doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?" ________________________________________________ A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right. He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!!" _____________________________________________ From Ana Himalayan Blue Poppies __________________________________________________ A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear"? With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" _________________________________________________ Laura Mountain Laurel __________________________________________________ An old lady went to the grocery store. She was searching the isles for a special product that had come on the market. It was similar to the toilet paper but these special wipes provided an aloe vera coating that soothed after wiping. Anyway, the old woman could hardly see. She was searching through the spices and more section, thinking that the wipes were found there. Picking up a yellow box, she squinted at its name. "Yep," she said, "these must be them." Making her way to the register, she paid for them and went home. Later, that afternoon, she tried the wipes and found them satisfactory. Her oldest son came home that day and found the box she had bought in the bathroom. Thinking that his mother must have been mistaken and placed them in the bathroom by accident, he took the box into the kitchen. Seeing the box on the counter, she said, "Son, these belong in the bathroom. These are special wipes and they don't belong here. They're called "Butt-A-Wipes". Shaking his head, he gently informed his mother. "No, Mother, these aren't those kind of wipes. These are wipes for basting chicken and turkeys. These are called "Butter Wipes", and they are certainly not used for that!" The old woman blanched, realizing that she had made a mistake. "Well," she said, "they did leave me squeaky clean!" ____________________________________________________ Today, May 21 in 0996, Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor. 1471, King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. Edward IV took the throne. 1536, The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, Switzerland. 1542, Hernando de Soto died along the Mississippi River while searching for gold. 1602, Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain Bartholomew Gosnold. 1790, Paris was divided into 48 zones. 1819, Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City. They were originally known as "swift walkers." 1832, In the U.S., the Democratic Party held its first national convention. 1840, New Zealand was declared a British colony. 1856, Lawrence, Kansas was captured by pro-slavery forces. 1863, The siege of the Confederate Port Hudson, LA, began. 1881, The American branch of the Red Cross was founded by Clara Barton. 1881, The United States Lawn Tennis Association was formed in New York City. 1891, Peter Jackson and Jim Corbett fought for 61 rounds only to end in a draw. 1904, Fdration Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) was founded. 1906, Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the demountable tire-carrying rim. 1922, The cartoon, "On the Road to Moscow," by Rollin Kirby won a Pulitzer Prize. It was the first cartoon awarded the Pulitzer. 1924, Fourteen-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a "thrill killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Jr. and Richard Loeb. The killers were students at the University of Chicago. 1927, Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began May 20. 1929, The first automatic electric stock quotation board was used by Sutro and Company of New York City. 1929, William Henry Storey registered the trademark for the board game Sorry! in the U.K. (U.K. number 502898) 1934, Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to fingerprint all of its citizens. 1947, Joe DiMaggio and five of his New York Yankee teammates were fined $100 because they had not fulfilled contract requirements to do promotional duties for the team. 1956, The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in the Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll. 1961, Governor Patterson declared martial law in Montgomery, AL. 1968, The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores. 1970, The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances at Ohio State University. 1980, The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released. 1982, The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting began. 1991, In Madras, India, the former prime minister, Rajiv Gandhi was killed by a bouquet of flowers that contained a bomb. 1998, An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi- automatic rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his parents before the rampage. 1998, Microsoft and Sega announced that they are collaborating on a home video game system. 1998, In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by an butyric acid-attacker. 2023, Do smiled.
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