Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, October 8 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Portland man with weapons arsenal smashes cops window and pepper- sprays officer inside _____________________________________________________ Today, October 8 in 1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous and an illegal substance. _____________________________________________________ There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC), De Divinatione _____________________________________________________ One morning, a parish priest was opening his mail. He took a single sheet of paper out of an envelope and unfolded it. Looking at the paper, he found that only one word had been written.....'JERK'. At mass the following Sunday, he announced to his congregation, "I have known many people who have written letters and have forgotten to sign their name. However, this week I received a letter from someone who signed their name, but forgot to write a letter." _____________________________________________________ ARGYROXIPHIUM Susen Saha "Flower of Patience", blooms every 7th year and lasts only for 7 days ! ___________________________________________________ A woman's husband passed away, so she called the Obituary Department of the local newspaper and said, "This is what I want to print: George is dead." "But for $30 you are allowed to print six words," the man at the newspaper said. "Oh, in that case," the woman said, "print: George is dead. Honda for sale." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John B. Russell, 41, Portland, Oregon, USA Portland man with weapons arsenal smashes cops window and pepper- sprays officer inside Russell is now facing charges of assaulting a public safety officer, aggravated harassment, and criminal mischief in the first degree after the alleged attack which occurred around 9:30 a.m. on Sunday. The officer was doing paperwork while sitting in his marked patrol vehicle when the suspect allegedly broke out the back window on the hatch, and pepper-sprayed the interior of the police cruiser. He then reportedly took off to another vehicle and rove away. He was apprehended about six blocks away after a short search by police, according to the news release which also reported that the officer recognized the vehicle as one that had been following him earlier. Inside the suspects car, police reportedly found a window punch tools, pepper spray, throwing knives, a laser pointer, a slingshot, rocks, and more, as shown in photos. As police officers, we know that the vast majority of community members who approach and contact us do so with no intention to do us harm, Chief Chuck Lovell said in a statement. However, attacks like this one remind us all that there is the potential for people to try to take direct violent action against police officers, Lovell added. I applaud the officer for remaining calm and locating the involved subject and thank our investigators for furthering this investigation. Russell was booked into the Multnomah County Detention Center. Because he is a good Oregon communist, just doing peaceful demonstrating, Russell was soon ordered released. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Marta RE: Can you Speed up W10? Dear Webby, I see now why you don't like W10. Why do they make it so gawdawful S L O W ? Is there any way to speed it up? Marta Dear Marta They would like to sell you a new computer, that is not quite as slow. To make it go fast, somebody at Microsoft said: "Throw it off a tall cliff." Yes, I know you were hoping for a slightly more environment friendly solution. If your computer was downgraded from XP or W7 to W10, then contact the maker of your computer and double the amount of RAM it has. W10 on a W7 iron, with 4 GB of RAM is like hauling a piano on a moped. It CAN be done, but it won't be fast. The maker of your machine, for example DELL, will know what kind of RAM stick you need and will sell it to you, reluctantly. Very reluctantly. They would prefer to get the commission for selling you a new one. Once you have the extra RAM stick, sticking it in is easy. You need to vacuum out the machine anyway. Next step is MUCH more difficult. Learn to close inactive browser tabs. How do I know you got too many browser tabs open? No, I am not spying on you. Microsoft and the Chinese Government do that. I just know that all pretty ladies have too many tabs open. So, close any tab, that you are not working on. You can use ONETAB, and stash them in there. You might have to read the instrructions and get used to it. Personally, I just paste the URLs into an Open Office spreadsheet. In there I can sort them, comment them, andhave even more comments in further columns. Excel, of course, works just as well, but is not free. Once you have your browser trimmed down to just 2 or 3 tabs, instead of the usual 57, Windows will be faster, and the browser won't lock up so often. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man went skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seemed like days, he was ready to go. Excited, he jumped out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulled the ripcord. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing. He started to panic, but remembered his back-up chute. He pulled that cord. Nothing happened. He frantically began yanking both cords to no avail. Suddenly he looked down, and he couldn't believe his eyes. Another man was in the air with him, but this guy was going up! Just as the other guy passed by, the skydiver yelled, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yelled back, "No! Do you know anything about gas BBQs?" ____________________________________________ A junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble. Arriving home from work one night, he informed her. "I finally discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I've been sitting in the wastebasket." ____________________________________________ Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the other place, they eat like kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook? ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today October 8 in 1895 The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in Philadelphia, PA. 1915 During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded. 1918 U.S. Corporal Alvin C. York almost single-handedly killed 25 German soldiers and captured 132 in the Argonne Forest in France. York had originally tried to avoid being drafted as a conscientious objector. After this event his was promoted to sergeant and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. 1919 The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began. 1945 U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain and Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb. Canada declined. 1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea. 1952 "The Complete Book of Etiquette" was published for the first time. 1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous and an illegal substance. 1970 Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel Prize for literature. 1979 "Sugar Babies" opened at the Mark Hellinger Theatre on Broadway. 1982 In Poland, all labor organizations, including Solidarity, were banned. 1991 A slave burial site was found by construction workers in lower Manhattan. The "Negro Burial Ground" had been closed in 1790. Over a dozen skeletons were found. 1993 The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI of any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on the Branch Davidian compound. The fire that ended the siege killed as many as 85 people. 1996 Pope John Paul II underwent a successful operation to remove his inflamed appendix. 1998 Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran said that three border posts were destroyed before the Taliban forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of Afghanistan denied the event occurred. 1998 Canada and Netherlands were voted into the U.N. Security Council. 2001 Tom Ridge, former Governor of Pennsylvania, was sworn in as director of the new U.S. department of Homeland Security. 2001 Rush Limbaugh announced to his listeners that he was totally deaf in his left ear and had only partial hearing in his right ear. The condition had happened in a three month period. 2001 Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to be conducted outside of the international space station without a shuttle present. 2002 A federal judge approved U.S. President George W. Bush's request to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic 10-day labor lockout. The lockout was costing the U.S. economy an estimated $1 billion to $2 billion a day. 2003 China announced that it would have a human crew orbit the Earth briefly on October 15. 2003 Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative agreement that would allow the first commercial flights between the two countries since the end of the Vietnam War. 2003 It was announced that Vivendi Universal and General Electric Co. had reached an agreement to merge. The name for the combined company was NBC Universal. 2003 Siegfried Fischbacher and his manager announced that the "Siegfried and Roy" show at the Mirage was canceled permanently. It was also said that if Roy Horn survived, after a tiger attack on October 3, the duo would continue to work together. 2004 The first-ever direct presidential elections were held in Afghanistan. 2020 Do smiled. |
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