Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, September 30 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  AZ mom arrested for leaving 4-year-old daughter home alone while she went partying  ______________________________________________________ Today, September 30 in 1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) A new survey found that the country with the highest number of contented citizens in the world is Mexico. Apparently, this is because everybody who was unhappy in Mexico has moved to Los Angeles. --- Conan O'Brien ______________________________________________________ >From Boris My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved. On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door. Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say: "If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Alexandra Rose Ciliento, 29, Scottsdale, Arizona  AZ mom arrested for leaving 4-year-old daughter home alone while she went partying  A 29-year-old woman is accused of leaving her 4-year-old daughter home alone to go partying in Scottsdale, police said in court records. The little girl knocked on a neighbor's door at about 6:30 a.m. Sunday and told them her mother, Alexandra Rose Ciliento, wasn't home, according to police. Authorities said it turned out that mom had been gone overnight. The neighbor told police they waited with the girl for about 45 minutes with no sign of her mother before calling 911. Officers were able to reach Ciliento at 8:20 a.m. after obtaining her number from the child's father. When she returned home, she told Scottsdale police she left her apartment near Bell and Pima roads at 11 p.m. Saturday for the Scottsdale entertainment district. "No plan was set in place to have the child watched by a family member or guardian. Nor was there any attempt made to secure a babysitter," police said in court records. Ciliento was not aware that her child could open a locked door and leave the residence, court records state. Ciliento is facing one felony count of child abuse. The Department of Child Safety was contacted by police after her arrest, records add. 
 >From Richi Re: Spybot and Malwarebytes  Dear Webby, I might have asked you this before,but how ofter do you run Spybot?is it okay to run malware bytes together?spybot seems toscan slower...tyvm for all the answers and help its gr8tly appreciated Richi  Hi Richi I run Spybot about once a month or when I suspect any spyware. No, I would not run both at the same time. They would slow things down too much to be able to continue working without a lot of cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe out all of the data!" 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cover Windows With Plastic Put plastic over your windows in the cold months, especially if you have single pane windows.. You would be surprised how much cold air gets through your seals in an older home. It is especially true this year with energy costs likely to go through the roof.  The kits for that are pretty well impossible to find nowadays, but you can use pallet-wrap. It is just shrink wrap on 3 or 4 foot wide rolls, used to wrap around loaded pallets to keep everything together and protected. You can get that and wide scotch tape at warehousing needs suppliers. DearWebby  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
 10 Unsolved Mysteries From The Middle Ages That Still Baffle Experts Today 
 ___________________________________________________ The Eyeglass Prescription for women Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too. The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she and her husband were struggling with a big decision on whether they should become missionaries, my friend offered to include them on the prayer list. So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a decision about the missionary position." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, September 30 in 1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV. 1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due to advancing British forces. 1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would make it the first American vessel to sail around the world. 1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction after administering ether to a patient. 1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France. 1882 In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power plant began operating. 1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland to be repatriated by the Nazis. It had been taken away as part of the punishment for losing WWI. 1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany, found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes. 1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken 2.3 million tons of food into the western sector despite the Soviet blockade. 1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The submarine had been launched on January 21, 1954. 1962 James Meredith succeeded in registering at the University of Mississippi. It was his fourth attempt to register. 1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir. 1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth. 1971 The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that were aimed at avoiding an accidental war. 1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate the prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners were killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on September 13, 1971. 1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California. The law was the first example of right-to-die legislation in the U.S. 1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace the pound. 1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out by McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company. 1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov, one day after Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets. 1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a shake- up at the Kremlin. 1989 Tens of thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union. 1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing government forces. 1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic relations. 1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras. Aristide was later returned to power. 1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists. 1994 The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission. Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote areas of the Earth. 1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews by the pro-Nazi Vichy regime. 1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear chain reaction. 2014 Amazon filed for a patent for a UAV (unmanned aerial vehicle) configured to autonomously deliver items to customers. The patent was related to Amazon's plan for their Prime Air service. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog