Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, May 30 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award ___________________________________________________ History In 1921, The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to the Department of the Interior. In 2022 Bidet stole it. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it. --- Pablo Picasso (1881 - 1973) An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ___________________________________________________ A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. "You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand." "No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it." "Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!" And the young farmer said, "Well, he's under the load of hay." ___________________________________________________ A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that he had been stealing building supplies for years from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take?" his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake." "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?" "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But, if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Victor Nikitin, 36, Albi Naska, 36, Gila Bend, Arizona, USA Nearly 150 pounds of cocaine found in I-8 traffic stop near Gila Bend Two Canadians have been arrested in Arizona after authorities found nearly 150 pounds of cocaine in a semi truck during a traffic stop on Interstate 8, officials said. A sergeant with the Arizona Dept. of Public Safety pulled over the semi west of Gila Bend on Wednesday night after seeing "indicators of criminal activity." No details were released about what exactly tipped the sergeant off to the vehicle. A drug-sniffing dog was brought in during the traffic stop, and officials found 144 pounds of cocaine hidden in the truck's sleeper berth closet. The driver, 36-year-old Albi Naska, and the passenger, 36- year-old Victor Nikitin, were arrested and booked into Maricopa County Jail. Both are residents of Ontario, Canada, according to DPS. The pair faces drug possession and transportation charges. ___________________________________________________ >From Evelyn A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ "I'd like you to be very quiet today, boys and girls. I have a dreadful headache," the teacher said. "Excuse me," said Little Johnny, "why don't you do what my mom does when she has a headache?" "What's that?" asked the teacher. "She sends us out to play." ____________________________________________________ Nodosaurus in the Tyrrell Museum in Drumheller, near here, where they filmed the first Dinosaur movie ___________________________________________________ "I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke." ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Can Open Office read DOC ? Dear Webby, I had Microsoft Office at work, but I am retired now, and Microsoft Office is not in my budget. Can I read stuff written with Microsoft Office WORD, in DOC format, if I download the Open Office? Wendy Dear Wendy Yes, sure. Open office has always been able to read and work on .DOC files, and even save them back as .DOC. Millions of students all over the world have done that for many years, and their teachers or professors never noticed the difference. If it is just for your own use or for printing, you can leave it in ODT (Open Document). Nowadays even Microsoft Office can open .ODT documents. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ One day a man called the church office and said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but to be sure, she asked, "I'm sorry, who?" The man said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but you may certainly not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!" The man on the phone said, "Well, I was planning to donate ten thousand dollars to the church's building fund . . ." The secretary quickly responded, "Hang on, I think the old fat pig just waddled in!" ______________________________________________ A cleric found himself wondering whether there were any golf courses in Heaven. He even began to ask the question in his prayers. One day, in answer to his prayers, he received a direct answer from on high. "Yes," said the Heavenly messenger, "There are many excellent golf courses in Heaven. The greens are always in first class condition, the weather is always perfect and you always get to play with the very nicest people." "Oh, thank you," said the cleric, "That really is marvelous news." "Yes, isn't it?" replied the messenger, "And we have you scheduled for a foursome next Saturday." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Waiting in a long, slow-moving line for security clearance at the Edmonton International Airport in Canada, I was annoyed to hear a loud male voice behind me. "Excuse me, excuse me," said the man as he pushed his way to the front. "I want to make sure I get a good seat." I resolved not to let this line-jumper get ahead of me. When I felt a tap on my shoulder, I whirled around, prepared to unleash a verbal assault that he would never forget . . . but found myself face to face with a smiling pilot. ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 30, in 1416, Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 1431, Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at the age of 19. 1527, The University of Marburg was founded in Germany. 1539, Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida with 600 soldiers to search for gold. 1783, The first daily newspaper was published in the U.S. by Benjamin Towner called "The Pennsylvania Evening Post" 1814, The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned France to its 1792 borders. 1848, W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 1854, The U.S. territories of Nebraska and Kansas were established. 1868, Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in the U.S. 1879, William Vanderbilt renamed New York City's Gilmores Garden to Madison Square Garden. 1883, Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in a stampede when a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in danger of collapsing occurred. 1896, The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 1903, In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill climb was held. 1911, Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 1912, The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect American interests. 1913, The First Balkan War ended. 1921, The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to the Department of the Interior. In 2022 Bidet stole it. 1922, The Lincoln Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC. 1933, Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to audiences at Chicagos Century of Progress Exposition. 1943, American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from the Japanese during World War II. 1958, Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 1967, Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 1967, The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war erupted. 1971, Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a journey to Mars. 1971, Blue Ribbon Sports officially became Nike, Inc. 1981, In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was assassinated. 1982, Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955. 1983, Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by leftist rebels. 1989, The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 1996, Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year marriage. 1997, Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities be notified when sex offenders move in. 1998, A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up to 5,000. 2002, In New York, a ceremony was held to officially mark the end of the clean up from the World Trade Center terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001. 2012, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced the Portion Cap Rule. The proposed amendment to the city health code would have required that food service establishments limit the size of sugary beverages to 16 ounces. On June 26, 2014, the New York Court of Appeals ruled that the New York City Board of Health had exceeded the scope of its regulatory authority. 2022 Do smiled. |
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