Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, March 18 ___________________________________________________ Today, March 18 in 1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. ______________________________________________________ The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Arkansas City man arrested on two child rapes __________________________________________ A senator is visiting a primary school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "No," the Senator says, "That would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside ... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the Senator. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer. "What?" asks the Senator, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally Little Johnny in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying a Senator was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy." "Marvelous!" the Senator beams. "And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says Johnny, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!" __________________________________________ Head rest __________________________________________ A large sinkhole opens up on a remote town. An alarming number of people fall into it and injure themselves and it's difficult to get them all to the small hospital they have. The mayor gathers the city council to figure out a solution. The smartest city councilor suggests they park an ambulance next to the hole to get people to the hospital faster. The rest unanimously agree. However, they only have 2 ambulances and they're needed more in the center of the town to get there quickly. So the mayor gathers the council a second time. The second smartest councilor suggests they close the road between the hole and the hospital so the ambulance can ferry people faster. Everyone nods in deep wisdom. Alas, after a few days it's obviously not really doing much and it just creates more accidents with too many cars on the smaller roads. Finally they gather for a third time to take drastic measures. The third smartest councilor says they need to tear down the hospital and rebuild it next to the hole. Finally the mayor can't take it anymore. He slams his fist on the table and yells: "You idiots! Do you know how much moving the hospital will cost?! There's an obvious and easy solution to this problem! We fill in the hole and then we dig a new one next to the hospital!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bobby Dean Jones, 32, Arkansas City, Kansas Arkansas City man arrested on two child rapes The Arkansas City Police Department arrested an Arkansas City man Tuesday on suspicion of raping two juveniles females who are younger than 14. Bobby Dean Jones, 32, was arrested on suspicion of two felony counts of rape by sexual intercourse with a child younger than 14 years old. He was transported to and booked into the Cowley County Jail in Winfield in lieu of $250,000 bond through Cowley County District Court in Arkansas City. Jones remained in custody at the time of this report. The police departments investigations division began conducting an ongoing sexual abuse investigation Tuesday in response to several incidents reported to have occurred in the previous days. Since then, numerous interviews were conducted with all parties involved and multiple pieces of evidence were collected for forensic examination. Through the course of the investigation, police determined they had sufficient evidence to take Jones into custody as a suspect in the case. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Can Opne Office read DOC ? Dear Webby, I had Microsoft Office at work, but I am retired now, and Microsoft Office is not in my budget. Can I read stuff written with Microsoft Office WORD, in DOC format, if I download the Open Office? Wendy Dear Wendy Yes, sure. Open office has always been able to read and work on .DOC files, and even save them back as .DOC. Millions of students all over the world have done that for many years, and their teachers or professors never noticed the difference. If it is just for your own use or for printing, you can leave it in ODT (Open Document). Nowadays even Microsoft Office can open .ODT documents. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ DEFINITION OF OUTDOOR BARBECUING It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion: (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women. _____________________________________________ Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little Copperhead snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he_ snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms. ____________________________________________ When you want a man to play with you, wear a full-length black nightgown with buttons all over it. Sure it's uncomfortable. But it makes you look just like his remote control. ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 18 in 0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius will and proclaims Caligula emperor. 1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to Rome. 1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the Mississippi River. 1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 1692 William Penn was deprived of his governing powers. 1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act. 1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for government service. 1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. The work was in Pennsylvania. 1835 Charles Darwin left Santiago Chile on his way to Portillo Pass. 1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 1865 The Congress of the Confederate States of America adjourned for the last time. 1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights with the islands to the U.S. 1881 Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened in Madison Square Gardens. 1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by telephone. 1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first concession to access Baghdad by rail. 1903 France dissolved all Catholic religious orders. 1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter to become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator. 1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. It was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law. 1913 Greek King George I was killed by an assassin. Constantine I succeeded him. 1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans lost 20,000. 1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning. 1920 Greece adopted the Gregorian calendar. 1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. Over 1,000 people were killed. 1922 Mohandas K. Gandhi was sentenced to six years in prison for civil disobedience in India. He served only 2 years of the sentence. 1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a gas explosion at a school in New London, TX. 1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on its soil. 1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant women. 1940 The soap opera "Light of the World" was first heard on NBC radio. 1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's war against France and Britain during the meeting. 1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of World War II. 1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia. 1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border in the Balkans during World War II. 1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin. 1945 Maurice "Rocket" Richard became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 50 goals. 1948 France, Great Britain, and Benelux signed the Treaty of Brussels. 1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified. 1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and capture Communist held Sungmen. 1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted for a cataract patient. 1953 An earthquake hit West Turkey killing 250 people. 1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first motion picture studio to be owned by an individual. The person was Howard Hughes. 1959 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood bill. 1962 French and Algerian rebels agreed to a truce. 51963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker Algeria. 1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision concerning legal council for defendants. 1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 1966 The government of Indonesia was formed by General Suharto. 1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve. 1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the secret bombing of Cambodia. 1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first postal strike. 1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers out of Laos. 1971 A landslide in Lake Yanahuani, Chungar Peru, killed 200. 1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five-month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to Hanoi. 1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation. 1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett. The next day she was deported. 1980 A Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50. 1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons tested in Texas in 1966. 1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew to Sarah Ferguson. 1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear, polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort to thwart counterfeiters. 1987 The U.S. performed nuclear tests at a Nevada test site. 1990 Thirteen paintings were stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. The value was $100 million making it the largest art robbery in history. 1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops in Egypt. 1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 1990 In Tampa, FL, a little league player was killed after being hit with a pitch. 1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion. 1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that would give legal equality to blacks. 1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his country must deepen reforms and raise living standards of workers and farmers. 2020 Do smiled. |
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