Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, June 5 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award:Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, June 5 in 1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile message across the Atlantic Ocean. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ) Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends meet in the street. The one lad looked forlorn and almost on the verge of tears. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars." "That's not bad." "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear." "I'd like that." "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million." "The how come you look so glum?" "And this week - nothing!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Where is my driver? _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, "This isn't a man s job." Oh yes, it is, his wife retorted, quoting 2 Kings 21:13: "I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down." ------------------------ By the way, did you know that the Bible states that brewing coffe is the man's job? On quite a few pages it says it right at the top: He brews ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Sanchez, 37, Sapulpa Tulsa County, Oklahoma DUI Arrest Leads To Arson At Sapulpa Police Department A man arrested for DUI ended up with an arson complaint added on while he was being booked. Sapulpa police say that, shortly after 1:00 a.m., an officer pulled a man over after seeing a pickup fail to stop at a stop sign at South 49th West Ave. and the westbound Interstate 44 exit ramp. The officer says the driver, 37-year-old Michael Sanchez, was slurring his speech and had blood shot, watery eyes. The officer says he could also smell alcohol. Sanchez was given a field sobriety test, which he failed, and was placed under arrest. Police say that, while Sanchez was in the booking area at the Sapulpa Police Department, he lit his booking paperwork on fire. Officers say that this is the first time Sanchez has been arrested for DUI or arson. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Camera memory chips Dear Webby, Dear Webby; I have another question for someone I consider to be an expert. I am taking pics w/ a digital camera & have a memory card. I usually take 15-20 pics a month at our church gospel sing. Then I take them from the camera & resize to about 480 px. and put them in a folder in my documents before emailimg them on to others. Then I take these pics & put them on a disk to be sure I don't lose them. After I have done this I am in the habit of deleting them from the memory card. Is there any amount of time this card can be used over & over before it will need to be replaced? I don't like keeping them on the card because it gets too confusing. I have even saved some of your dad's cactus pics. Thanks ever so much for your time & patience. Sharon Dear Sharon I have heard of camera chips that were stepped on, vacuumed up, eaten by toddlers or pets, but never of one that stopped accepting data. At a rate of 20 pictures per month, you can probably copy pictures on and delete them from that chip for about 3000 years, maybe more. Camera chips don't seem to go bad, just replaced. When you go buy paper and get a 16 GB camera chip free if you buy a whole case of paper, you will probably go for it, - and retire your 500 MB chip. And by the time you need more paper, they will probably give away 64 GB chips. So, don't panic yet. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A pleasingly plump Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to run home 300 Miles?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him - it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most impor- tantly, you have to increase your frequency of intimacy. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Clothing Off Season When buying new clothing, I purchase my winter clothes and shoes in the summer and my summer clothes in the winter. For used clothing, yard sales and church rummage sales are great places to find nice clothing. By Janice Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | Capturing in photos the beauty of Italy's abandoned villas. |
___________________________________________________ When I was a kid, my dad told a joke at dinner. Seems some kid came home and told his dad that the teacher had told them that they all decended from the apes. So that kid's father blew up and yelled: "YOU might have descended from an ape, but I did not!" I was about 4 or 5 years old and laughed myself off my chair. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please stand up?" My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum Laude family sure has a lot of kids!" ____________________________________________________ | Today, June 5 in 1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of Fontaine-Francaise. 1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any foreign armed forces. 1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans. 1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era." 1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 1884 U.S. Civil War General William T. Sherman refused the Republican presidential nomination, saying, "I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected." 1917 American men began registering for the World War I draft. 1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile message across the Atlantic Ocean. 1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. off of the gold standard. 1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when Germany began an offensive in Southern France. 1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans. 1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in Bangkok, Thailand. 1946 The first medical sponges were first offered for sale in Detroit, MI. 1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the Soviet Communist Party Congress. 1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new franchises. The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas Stars), the California Golden Seals (no longer in existence) and the Los Angeles Kings. 1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan began. 1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with Israel. 1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a rare pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. They were the first recognized cases of what later became known as AIDS. 1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to three life prison terms plus 10 years. 1987 Ted Koppel and guests discussed the topic of AIDS for four hours on ABC-TV's "Nightline". 1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled workers across the U.S. for seven weeks. 1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal computers later in the year. 2018 Do smiled. |
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