Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, July 20 Saw the thinnest and reddest moon crescent in the smoke tonight. It still smells like camp fire smoke from the fires in BC, on the other side of the Rockies. I think BC is waiting for a good rain. The farmers of course love it. CO2 + H2O + a bit of sunshine = Carbohydrates (grain). Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: English woman, who sent abusive texts to HERSELF saying she was being harassed by an innocent man is jailed 18 months for wasting police time Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 20 in 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was sued by the mayor for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After sentencing he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $50 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a lamp post in front of the convent. She couldn't get him off her mind and thinking that he might be in financial difficulties. She took the $50 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia." She threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street. The next day she was in her room saying her prayers when she was told that a man was at her door who insisted on seeing her. She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what the bills were for he replied, "That's the four-hundred bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 7-1." ______________________________________________________ Snacker _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emily-Jo Banks, 23, Kent, England Twisted woman, who sent abusive texts to HERSELF saying she was being harassed by an innocent man is jailed 18 months for wasting police time A woman who sent abusive texts to herself and claimed she was being persistently harassed by a man has been jailed for wasting police time. Emily-Jo Banks, 23, told police that a man was targeting her throughout August and September in 2015. She claimed the man, aged in his 20s, followed her home, spied on her while she was in her back garden, sent threatening texts, attacked her and climbed onto her garage. Officers visited her home in Folkestone, Kent, and acted on her concerns, but she was caught out after a number of suspicious incidents. Police attended the man's address in Dover and found the man had not sent any messages at the times Banks claimed she had received them. They also found the messages stopped while officers were inside her home. In one incident, Banks, who at the time was doing work in the back garden, claimed to have received two texts in quick succession concerning dogs outside the front of her home. Officers questioned how one person could view the front and rear of the property at the same time. They examined Banks' phone and found she was logged into the man's social media profiles and was sending herself threatening messages. Her phone was also linked to an email address she claimed the man had used to send information about herself to the social services and media organisations. She was arrested and subsequently appeared at Canterbury Crown Court on July 7 where she was sentenced to 18 months in prison. Investigating officer Detective Constable Natasha Russell said: 'Banks intentionally perverted the course of justice by lying to the police. 'Not only has she caused significant distress to the victim but she has also wasted the time of hardworking officers. 'The fact that she has received a prison sentence shows the seriousness of this offence. We do not take this issue lightly and anyone caught will be dealt with appropriately.' _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Shirley Re: Camera for kids Dear Webby, My grandkids, 6 and 7 years old will be visiting me for a couple or three weeks while my daughter has to go for an operation. I want to buy them digital cameras and teach them the basics of my hobby. What kind of camera would you suggest for complete novices of that age? Not too expensive, preferably. Thanks Shirley Dear Shirley Check Amazon for a Vivitar VXX14, for around $30. It is very small and lightweight and quite suitable for kids. The performance figures, though, will knock your socks off. 20 megapixels, 5200 x 3900 pictures, swivel monitor like a $500 Canon IS camera for shooting around corners, above the head, close to ground without lying down, or for taking selfies, which the kids really love doing. Controls are at an absolute minimum. The small lens makes it a real point and shoot camera. Don't worry about distance, focus, time or anything. Just point and shoot. It also takes movies. It comes with a standard tripod mounting socket, wrist strap, flash, USB cable and CD for handling the pictures on a computer. However, if you have any graphics program and a chip reader, you can transfer the pictures the same as with any camera. A very few years ago all that would have made professional photographers drool and kill for. It does not compare well with a $1500 2017 model SLR, though. The small point and shoot lens is great for daytime, but does not reach as far into the darkness as a camera with a large 2 pound lens. There is no optical zoom. The same as with any camera, the digital zoom is best ignored. You can do that much better once the picture is on the computer. For a kids camera or for a cheap camera in the car, or as a gift for a beginner, you can't really beat that Vivitar VXX14. You will have to get 3 AAA batteries and a camera memory chip separately. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks to Dianne for this: Pipe Specifications of the Government 1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe. 8. All pipe over 6" (152mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe. 9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle. 10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbows, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way. 11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way. 12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use for an Old Golf Bag Use an old golf bag as a tote to help lug your garden tools out to your garden. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com Ask around your neighborhood for a "Little red wagon". Lots of people still have one lurking in the garage or behind the house from when their kids used one. Even if it is dented up and the wheels wobble, it will still be fine for hauling garden tools to the garden and produce from it to the house. If it is too ratty looking, somebody is bound to offer you their li'l red wagon. You can even make some hoops with 1/2" black plastic pipe or willow shoots and cover them with tarp to make a covered wagon to keep your tools dry and your ice tea out of the sun. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ >From Dave: Best Out Of The Office messages: 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. I will be unable to delete all the unread emails you send me until I return from vacation on September 30th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message. 5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 7. I've run away to join a different circus. 8. This is an automatic message to inform you that your email has been forwarded to the Vatican. They will delete emails for me until I return from my vacation. ___________________________________________________ | | Things found on the internet. |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this: Inside information for Catholics only!! It must not be divulged to non-Catholics!! The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are. AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original "Jaws" story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own. KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.) PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches. PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ "Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ____________________________________________________ | Today, on July 20, in 1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson at the White House. 1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed on all cigarette packs was passed. 1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal troops. (Montana) 1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. 1961 "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London. 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful landing on Mars. 1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL. 1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia. 1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work. 2017 Do smiled. |
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