Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, October 27 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Guatemalan man, in U.S. illegally, killed 5-year-old in DUI crash ___________________________________________________ Today, October 27 in 1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the first Quakers to be executed in America. ____________________________________________________ There is always a well-known solution to every human problem--neat, plausible, and wrong. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. --- e e cummings (1894 - 1962) The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. --- Foster's Law ____________________________________________________ Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab the gorilla's groin and not let go. The gorilla will then be sidetracked enough for me to put a rope on him and winch him into the cage in the back of the van." So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun, and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ernesto Lopez Morales, 32, Mulberry, Florida, USA Guatemalan man, in U.S. illegally, killed 5-year-old in DUI crash Polk County deputies arrested a man who, they say, was illegally in the U.S. and fled from a crash that killed a 5- year-old girl. On Saturday, deputies arrested 32-year-old Ernesto Lopez Morales, who is from Guatemala. The crash occurred just before 8:30 p.m. that night. Investigators said Morales was speeding in a black 2005 Chevrolet Suburban while heading west on State Road 60 in Mulberry. They said the vehicle had no headlights on. Morales crashed into the rear of a 2016 gray Hyundai Elantra, driven by a Plant City woman, according to the sheriffs office. The Hyundai was pushed more than 600 feet. Investigators said Morales was speeding in a black 2005 Chevrolet Suburban while heading west on State Road 60 in Mulberry. They said the vehicle had no headlights on. Morales crashed into the rear of a 2016 gray Hyundai Elantra, driven by a Plant City woman, according to the sheriffs office. The Hyundai was pushed more than 600 feet. Following the impact, both vehicles came to a final rest in an eastbound lane, near the Espo Drive intersection. When first responders arrived, they said the 5-year-old was dead at the scene. She was sitting in the backseat of the Elantra. The Plant City woman was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. According to officials, paramedics and other witnesses said Morales ran away from the scene before deputies arrived. During a search, deputies said they found Morales in a home he was residing but didn't specify the location. In an interview, they said Morales told them he drank six 32-ounce beers before leaving his home to purchase more beer. "He admitted to not turning on his headlights and fleeing from the crash location," according to a news release from the sheriffs office. "He also told deputies he left the crash because he doesnt have insurance or a drivers license." Deputies said Morales did not have a valid Florida drivers license and has never been issued a drivers license in Florida or any other state. They received a warrant for a blood test, which showed that Morales had a blood alcohol level of 0.108. The legal limit in Florida is 0.08. "Morales has no regard for the law or human life, and we are going to do everything possible to hold him accountable," Sheriff Grady Judd said in a statement. "If he had been in Guatemala and not in the United States illegally, this beautiful little girl would still be alive today." Morales faces charges of leaving the scene of a crash involving a death, DUI manslaughter, driving with no drivers license causing death, leaving the scene of a crash involving injury and DUI property damage. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Betty Re: Color problem Dear Webby, Cyber Grannie Mon, Oct 25, 7:41 AM (1 day ago) I was very sorry to hear of your father's death; I know you miss being able to visit with him occasionally and your daily communications. I have quite a lot of his pictures on my screensaver but I cannot find the link that had his pictures on your site. I would like to see them again. My problem: I need a new camera for taking pictures of items (mostly clothing) to post on eBay and other sites. Hopefully an inexpensive one - under $200. My present camera (inexpensive) will not always present the correct colors - especially purple. My lighting may be the problem as my space for taking pictures is small with one double fluorescent overhead fixture and one other light. Do you have any suggestions? Betty Dear Betty Try a Canon Powershot. They are cheap and easy to use. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Bob was having a really bad day on the golf course. Right around the 14th hole, it seems he had missed one putt too many. He let loose with a fairly impressive string of profanities, grabbed his putter, and stormed off toward the lake by the 15th tee. "Uh-oh," said his caddie to one of his playing partners, "There goes that club." "You think so?" said his partner. "I've got five bucks saying he misses the lake!" ______________________________________________ A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park --the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonalds they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars--more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?" She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He looked at her soberly for a time. "I know this must hurt," she said, trying to soften the blow. "Oh, it's not that," he said. "It's just that I wasn't planning on spending quite that much." ___________________________________________________ | Today, October 27, in 1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the first Quakers to be executed in America. 1787 The first of the Federalist Papers were published in the New York Independent. The series of 85 essays, written by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay, were published under the pen name "Publius." 1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty." 1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other seven failed. 1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George "Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted. 1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was the first rapid-transit subway system in America. 1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in New York. 1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 26' 2 1/4". 1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its new synthetic yarn. 1947 "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring Groucho Marx, premiered on ABC. It was later shown on NBC television. 1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They had been married on January 14, 1954. 1954 The first Walt Disney television show "Disneyland" premiered on ABC. 1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the agreement. 1978 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their progress toward achieving a Middle East accord. 1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. prison population had exceeded one million for the first time in American history. 1997 The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 554.26 points. The stock market was shut down for the first time since the 1981 assassination attempt on U.S. President Reagan. 2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected leftist leader. 2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second largest banking company in the U.S. 2021 Do smiled. |
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