Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, July 9 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Texan tried to steal an suv with kids inside then the mom shot him. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 9 in 1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. --- Albert Einstein I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to brag to?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by (Previous mug shot) Ricky Wright, 36, Dallas, Texas A man tried to steal an suv with kids inside then the mom shot him. A Texas mother used her firearm to prevent a kidnapping after a man allegedly tried to steal her SUV with her two toddlers inside. Michelle Booker-Hicks was at a gas station in Dallas on Wednesday night when the attendant alerted her that a carjacker had begun to drive her car away, reported Dallas Morning News. She was able to jump into the back seat, and after a brief altercation, she pulled a gun from her glove compartment. The suspect, Ricky Wright, 36, was shot in the head and immediately crashed the vehicle into a utility pole. Wright was taken to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries. I should have just emptied the whole clip but I didn't. I didn't. I just wanted to give him warning shot, that was it, Booker said to KTVT-TV. I'm not a killer or anything like that, but I do believe in defending what's mine. Wright was arrested and charged with two counts of unlawful restraint and unauthorized use of motor vehicle. He has an extensive criminal record, with more than 20 charges on a variety of crimes, reported ABC13. The mother and her children were unharmed. Tech Support Pits From: Tam Re: Calendar maker Dear Webby, thanks for the humor letter, lovin it everyday, I was wondering if you know of anyplace online that I can print calenders..monthy ones. thanks Tam Dear Tam I just use a spreadsheet to make calendars whenever I neend some, but you can go to http://www.myfreecalendarmaker.com/ and generate and print them rightoff their site. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Chuck for this report: I was reminded of the time I was in Washington (the State) eating breakfast at a little diner in the middle of no-where. In the next booth were 3 state police chatting and having coffee. One of them told the story of the time they had set up a speed trap way out in the middle of nowhere. Long stretches between small towns. This guy comes along, really screaming. Gets a ticket. Goes a little way, stomps on the pedal and the next officer in the line stops him and gives him another ticket. The guy ends up with 5 speeding tickets. He was thinking that its so remote, there can't be another cop for miles. And especially after the 4 ticket he knows, there can't be another. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Water For Plants Don't pour water that you use for cooking vegetables down the drain. It works great for watering plants, especially when there is a water shortage. Fish tank water is also full of nutrients that your plants will love. Dish water and tub water can also be used. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | How can you eat these beautiful creations? |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"? Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
WEIRD QUESTIONS Actual questions I have been asked by pet owners. Q. Why does my dog drink out of the toilet bowl? A. Because you left the lid up. Q. What should I do if I find a snake in my yard? A. Scream, run like hell, leave it alone, he'll leave. Q. How can I keep my clothes dry when I bath the dog? A. Strip. Q. Why does my fish food taste so bad. A. You actually tasted the stuff?. Q.The pet store said my rabbits were both girls. Now there are baby bunnies. What happened? A. Take a deep breath. Ready? One is a boy! Q. The vet said to give my cat three pills a day. My cat won't swallow them. Should I put the pills up his bottom? A. Poor cat. Phone me first, I want to watch! ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 9 in 0118 Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city. 0455 Avitus, the Roman military commander in Gaul, became Emperor of the West. 1540 England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage to his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled. 1609 In a letter to the crown, the emperor Rudolf II granted Bohemia freedom of worship. 1755 General Edward Braddock was mortally wounded when French and Indian troops ambushed his force of British regulars and colonial militia. He died on July 13. 1776 The American Declaration of Independence was read aloud to Gen. George Washington's troops in New York. 1789 In Versailles, the French National Assembly declared itself the Constituent Assembly and began to prepare a French constitution. 1790 The Swedish navy captured one third of the Russian fleet at the naval battle of Svensksund in the Baltic Sea. 1792 S.L. Mitchell of Columbia College in New York City became the first Professor of Agriculture. 1808 The leather-splitting machine was patented by Samuel Parker. 1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain. 1847 A 10-hour work day was established for workers in the state of New Hampshire. 1868 The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The amendment was designed to grant citizenship to and protect the civil liberties of recently freed slaves. It did this by prohibiting states from denying or abridging the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States, depriving any person of his life, liberty, or property without due process of law, or denying to any person within their jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. 1872 The doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel. 1877 Alexander Graham Bell, Gardiner Greene Hubbard, Thomas Sanders and Thomas Watson formed the Bell Telephone Company. 1878 The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe. 1900 The Commonwealth of Australia was established by an act of the British Parliament, uniting the separate colonies under a federal government. 1922 Johnny Weissmuller became the first person to swim the 100 meters freestyle in less than a minute. 1943 American and British forces made an amphibious landing on Sicily. 1947 The engagement of Britain's Princess Elizabeth to Lt. Philip Mountbatten was announced. 1951 U.S. President Truman asked Congress to formally end the state of war between the United States and Germany. 1953 New York Airways began the first commuter passenger service by helicopter. 1971 The United States turned over complete responsibility of the Demilitarized Zone to South Vietnamese units. 1997 Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined $3 million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield. 2005 Danny Way, a daredevil skateboarder, rolled down a large ramp and jumped across the Great Wall of China. He was the first person to clear the wall without motorized aid. 2015 The South Carolina House of Representatives approved taking down the Confederate flag from the Capitol grounds. The flag was removed the next day and taken to a state military museum. 2018 Do smiled. |
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