Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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 Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 2 Thank you, Wesley!! By the time you read this, or shortly after that, I will be on my way to Calgary for more injections into my eyeyballs. That means you get Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. On Sunday I will be able to write the Monday issue. ______________________________________________________ Today, May 2 in 1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid photographic film. This is the film from which movies are shown. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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Today's Bonehead Award: Extortion Rap Over Explicit Pix Of Male Victim ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Our business professor was lecturing about different ways to bill customers. He asked, "Who can give me an example of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?" One student piped up, "Tuition!" ______________________________________________________` I have been in Monument Valley, Utah, many times. The most memorable times were when there was a sand storm and very limited visibility at ground level. While creeping along with the car, the 400 foot tall monuments would suddenly appear in the swirling sand like ghostly tall sailing ships. Spooky! _____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Breyanna Dean, 24, New Port Richey Floriduh Extortion Rap Over Explicit Pix Of Male Victim Breyanna Dean, a 24-year-old Floridian was arrested Saturday morning on an extortion charge after she maliciously posted pictures of a male victim's genitalia and then sought payment from him to stop her actions, according to a court complaint. Investigators allege that Dean posted the explicit photos across multiple social media platforms in direct messages. Seen above, Dean used the the victim's old phone to access his social media and send the pictures, the complaint charges. The victim was unable to deactivate his accounts since Dean allegedly had changed the various passwords. At one point, the complaint alleges, Dean demanded the victim by written communication to pay a monetary payment to stop her actions. The victim is not identified in court filings, but he appears to have been in a prior relationship with Dean, a mother of three. Dean's actions directly exposed the victim to disgrace, the complaint states. Dean, a Massachusetts native, was arrested Saturday morning at her New Port Richey home. She was released from jail later that day after posting $10,000 bond on the felony count. According to court records, Dean has previous convictions for disorderly conduct, careless driving, and leaving the scene of an accident. She was also the defendant in a pair of actions filed last year seeking cyberstalking injunctions against her. In one case, a female plaintiff secured a six-month restraining order against Dean.
From: Olga Re: Buying a W7 machine Dear Webby A relative wants to sell his W7 machine and get a brand new W10 machine. Would it be safe to buy his W7 machine? Olga Dear Olga YES! Grab it fast before the dumb ass smartens up. Microsoft stopping support does not mean anything. Do you know anybody who got useful help from Microsoft support? W10 has some bugs and some problems, and someimes they can help you with that, but nobody knows of instances, wher they were helpful with W7. Just install malwarebytes on it and clean it up, then use CrapCleaner for more clean-up. Finally use Revo UNinstaller to get rid of all the silly speeder- upper programs and any program, that you are not using. After that it will be nearly as fast as it was on the day it was bought. Next get a phillips screwdriver, a vacuum, a handful of Q-tips and some window cleaner. Turn the machine off but leave it plugged in for safe grounding. Open the box and if there are little scres instead of a lever, put all the little screws into a bowl and put the bowl somewhere, where i won't get knocked over. Open the lid and vacuum out all the dust bunnies. Remove fan shrouds, clean fan blades with window cleaner and Q-tips. Also clean all heat sinks. Put everything back together and park the machine somewhere, where it has good ventilation and is not directly on the floor (where the dust bunnies cruise at night). After that, YOUR W7 machine should be good for many years. Beware that Microsoft will try to sabotage you and try to sleaze W10 onto the machine, if you use Microsoft Office. Best to get comfortable with Open Office or Office Libre. Those will NEVER nag you to change your operating system, and you can even use Windows XP, or if you are in an industrial or commercial environment, that is using Linux, those two programs will work just fine. Yes, Windows XP still works well, and Windows XP install CDs are worth their weight in gold. So, in summary: YES! buy it fast! Have FUN! DearWebby
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At a wedding ceremony that I was performing, I raised my hand to give the final blessing. The bride misunderstood my gesture and surprised me with a high-five. Not wanting to exclude the groom, I offered him a high-five, too. I was finally able to get my blessing in, amid the laughter of the guests.
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She's Out for a While A man was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of cosmetics knocked on his door and asked to see his wife. The man told her that his wife wasn't home. "Well," replied the saleswoman, "could I please wait for her?" The man directed her to the front room and left her there for more than three hours. The saleswoman was getting really worried, so she called out to the man in the other room and asked, "May I know where your wife is?" "She went to the cemetery," he replied. "And when is she returning?" "I don't really know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Flip Your Mattress Get into the habit of flipping and rotating your mattress once a month. This will prevent one side from being worn down more than another. Futon mattresses should also be folded, flipped and rotated regularly. Note, some mattresses aren't designed to be flipped, but can still be rotated. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________
April's Southern Arizona desert wildflowers are beautiful!
___________________________________________________ The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A football coach?" ___________________________________________________ Grace says: Barb's granddaughter is in kindergarten. There was a boy in her class that wasn't listening to the teacher. The teacher said to him, "Since you don't want to listen, you sit at that table by yourself." After a few minutes, Barb's granddaughter raised her hand and said, "I don't want to listen either. Can I sit with him?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they found fairest. There was a pause, and then a white-haired man in the back raised his hand. "The poll tax," he said. "But the poll tax was repealed," replied the commissioner. "Ay-ah," declared the man, "that's what I like about it." ___________________________________________________
 Today May 2 in 1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's King Charles II. 1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American rebels fighting the British. 1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead to the rest of the fleet. 1798 The black General Toussaint L'ouverture forced British troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo. 1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon. 1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at Grossgorschen. 1863 Confederate Gen. Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson was wounded by his own men in the battle of Chancellorsville, VA. He died 8 days later. 1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II of Belgium. 1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid photographic film. This is the film from which movies are shown. 1890 The Oklahoma Territory was organized. 1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film was released. It was created by magician George Melies. 1926 In India, Hindu women gained the right to seek elected office. 1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 1933. 1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany. 1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq and that country's pro-German faction. 1941 The Federal Communications Commission agreed to let regular scheduling of TV broadcasts by commercial TV stations begin on July 1, 1941. This was the start of network television. 1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria. 1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison. 1960 Caryl Chessman was executed. He was a convicted sex offender and had become a best selling author while on death row. 1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television pictures across the Atlantic. 1969 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) made its maiden voyage. 1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took control of the campus. 1974 Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by the Maryland Court of Appeals. 1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. More than 350 people died. 1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first democratic elections. 1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista Party, was elected president. 2019 Do smiled. 

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