Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 21 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Merced man arrested for possession of child pornography, living at in-home child care facility  ___________________________________________________ Today, August 21 in 1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost $980 million. ____________________________________________________ Life is pain, anyone who says differently is selling something. --- William Goldman ____________________________________________________ Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? Bystander: It's a girl. She's my daughter. Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father. Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother. ____________________________________________________   Sailesh Jain Florida Box Turtle. ____________________________________________________ Morris was at his usual place sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of smarts and common sense. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest bozos get the most attractive wives." His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Joel Ortega, 32, Merced, California, USA  Merced man arrested for possession of child pornography, living at in-home child care facility  A tip about someone downloading child pornography led Merced police to a home on Citadel Avenue near Bodie Thursday. Officers served a search warrant and found devices with child pornography on them along with a loaded firearm. Investigators quickly realized the home was a licensed in-home daycare facility. "Detectives found the firearm, with ammunition, easily accessible to the small children in the residence," said Merced Police Department Lt. Joseph Ortega. Joel Damien Ortega, 32, was placed under arrest for possession of child pornography, child endangerment and possession of an unregistered firearm.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Mary Re: Browser slows down Dear Webby, My browser slows down after using it for a few hours. Rebooting solves the problem, but is a real nuisance. What can I do without rebooting? Mary  Dear Mary Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC That pops up the Task Manager after a few seconds. Sort by Processes, the second tab from the left. Sort by Memory, Third tab from the left. If your browsershows up on top with a big number, highlight it and click on the END TASK button in the lower right. It will mask you to confirm. Confirm, and it will close that browser. Do the same with all browser instances, that have memory numbers over 350 K. Some browser windows will close, but you can hit CTRL H to get the history, and pick the one you want and re- open it. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife enthusiastically responds with, "Yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you stand by the ironing board and I'll lay on the couch and watch the TV and fart." 
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 Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "Because God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT !! ____________________________________________ Daley, now 75, was eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning with Ethel, her best friend. Ethel noticed something funny about Daley's ear. She said, "Daley, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said: "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is." ____________________________________________ Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, August 21, in 1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took possession of Santa Fe, NM. 1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection in Virginia. He was later executed. 1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton. 1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 1912 Arthur R. Eldred became the first American boy to become an Eagle Scout. It is the highest rank in the Boy Scouts of America. 1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. 1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska had been the last North American foothold held by the Japanese. 1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's Allies during World War II. 1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist anti-government protesters. 1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune moon called Triton. 1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost $980 million. 1994 Ernesto Zedillo won the Mexican presidential election. 1996 The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 was signed by U.S. President Clinton. The act made it easier to obtain and keep health insurance. 1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the largest food recall in U.S. history. 1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the United States. 2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended his term in office and granted himself powers that included the right to dissolve parliament. 2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide the country out of 14 years of civil war. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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