Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, July 30 In 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress. That is 153 years ago today. Today, the US is STILL handicapped with the Brutish Imperial System. Why? The decimal system is so much easier. You just shift the decimal point, never any weird conversions as with inches, feets, yards, farlongs, miles, etc. Electricians and scientists have switched to the decimal system over a hundred years ago, and laugh when they see you struggle with weird conversions and fractions. Tell me why! _____________________________________________________ Today, July 30 in 1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S. national motto. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Baltimore's deputy police commissioner gets mugged at gunpoint _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. --- Margaret Mead (1901 - 1978) Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high. --- Adrienne E. Gusoff One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity. --- Andrew Carnegie _____________________________________________________ Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?" A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?" Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replied old doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open." ______________________________________________________` No Heatwave there! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Daniel Murphy Deputy police commissioner Baltimore, Maryland Baltimore's deputy police commissioner gets mugged at gunpoint Trump told him, but instead, Murphy listened to Elijah Cummings. You're not in Louisiana anymore, Murphy! A new deputy police commissioner in Baltimore got a firsthand lesson in the city's crime problems getting robbed at gunpoint while out with his wife, according to reports. Deputy Commissioner Daniel Murphy had only started with the force in April after being brought in from New Orleans to help lead sweeping reforms, according to the Baltimore Sun. He was robbed at 9 p.m. Friday by four men in a white SUV near Patterson Park, according to the Sun. Two of the men, said to be about 18, jumped out and approached Murphy and his wife, showing a gun during the holdup, police said in a release. They fled with multiple cellphones, the officer's wallet and his wife's purse as well as some cash, the reports state. No one was injured, police say. Murphy was one of the first top deputies hired earlier this year by new Commissioner Michael Harrison after they worked together in New Orleans, according to the Sun. He was sure that Baltimore would be like the Big Easy, he told the paper after starting his new gig in April. Obviously, every community, every police department is unique, but the success we had in New Orleans is directly transferable to here and we will modify it as necessary, he said. The robbery came just a month after the department launched a new crime reduction strategy that it said would reduce the victimization and fear of victimization of violent crime in Baltimore City. There have been 185 homicides this year in the city. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Martha Re: Broken file names Dear Webby, I know that you once told us that leaving spaces in file names is childish and stooopid and sooner or later causes problems. The bonehead we have as a computer teacher in school insists that it is OK to have spaces in file names. What were the reasons for not putting spaces into file names? Thanks, Martha M Dear Martha If a file is not intended to ever leave the computer and never be used on the web or on another computer, then broken file names CAN sometimes be used. However, since broken file names don't work with all browsers and with very few web servers, it's a really dumb idea to get into the bad habit of breaking names. Broken file names do not work in DOS They do not work with many programs They do not work with all browsers They do not work with most web servers. Better stick with the rules that DO work everywhere: No broken file names. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Eva: I'm going to be an airline flight attendant because it's a wonderful way to meet lots of men. Cindy: There are plenty of other jobs where you could meet men. Eva: Maybe so, but they wouldn't be strapped in their seats. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $15 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Make a Newspaper Dispenser Open a few days papers out on your kitchen table and use scissors to cut them into fourths. "Roll" the pack of now-same-size pieces in half and insert into a large cereal box. You can pull out a sheet or two from the middle and they almost dispense as well as tissues. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | 7 Wheelchair Accessible Trip Ideas in New York State |
___________________________________________________ Redneck Medical Terms ------------------------- Benign................What you be after you be eight. Artery................The study of paintings. Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria. Barium................What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome. Cat scan...............Searching for kitty. Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her. Colic.................A sheep dog. Coma..................A punctuation mark. D & C.................Where Washington is. Dilate................To live long. Enema.................Not a friend. Fester................Quicker than someone else. Fibula................A small lie. Genital...............Non-Jewish person. G.I. Series...........World Series of military baseball. Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on. Impotent..............Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain............Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane. Morbid................A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates. Node..................Was aware of Outpatient.... .......A person who has fainted. Pap Smear..... .......A fatherhood test. Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative........A letter carrier. Recovery Room.........Place to do upholstery. Rectum................Darn near killed him. Secretion.............Hiding something. Seizure...............Roman emperor. Tablet................A small table. Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the Bus Station Tumor.................More than one. Urine.................Opposite of you're out. Varicose..............Near by/close by. Vein..................Conceited. ___________________________________________________ In search of a midnight snack, a yuppie couldn't find anything but a dog biscuit. He bit into it tentatively, liked it, and the next morning asked his wife to put in a large supply. The local grocer observed. "You don't need so many biscuits for a dog as small as yours." "They're for my busband." "These biscuits are strictly for dogs," grumbled the grocer. "They'll kill your husband!" Six months later, the wife admitted her husband was dead. "I told you those biscuits would kill him," the grocer reminded her. "It wasn't the biscuits," said the woman. "He was killed chasing cars." ___________________________________________________ A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, eleven single ladies, nine widows, two widowers, and one single man stepped to the front. __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. Do you want fwies wif that?" ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 30 in 1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 1619 The first representative assembly in America convened in Jamestown, VA. (House of Burgesses) 1729 The city of Baltimore was founded in Maryland. 1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland, OH. 1932 Walt Disney's "Flowers and Trees" premiered. It was the first Academy Award winning cartoon and first cartoon short to use Technicolor. 1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women's Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the U.S. Navy. 1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S. national motto. 1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into effect the following year. 1974 The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee voted to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate investigation and for abuse of power. 1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled off the assembly line. 1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl Radio & TV Tower. 1998 A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call themselves the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball jackpot. It was the largest-ever American lottery. 2000 Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt were married. 2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three consecutive Tours de France. 2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled off an assembly line. 2019 Do smiled. |
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