Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, April 10 Rest in peace, Prince Philip! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Cartez McGary, 22, out on bond, is charged with shooting a man during an armed robbery at a gas station. ___________________________________________________ Today, April 10 in 1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA. ____________________________________________________ The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. --- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881) Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) ____________________________________________________ The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake." ____________________________________________________ Jill, in the personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. She sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we do have a few alcoholics." ____________________________________________________ Autumn Schrock Mt Hood, Oregon ____________________________________________________ "I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cartez McGary, 22, Chicago, Illinois, USA 32 Chicago felons on bail committed serious gun offenses this year #14 Cartez McGary, 22, out on bond, is charged with shooting a man during an armed robbery at a gas station. Prosecutors said surveillance video shows McGary arriving at the station in his car and then going inside where he saw the victim. McGary allegedly went back to his car, moved it to the other side of the station, got out, pulled his hoodie over his head, donned a COVID mask, and put something into his waistband. When the victim left the store and got into his van, McGary walked up and pointed a gun to his face, and demanded everything he had, prosecutors said. The victim leaned back at the exact moment that McGary fired a bullet at him, according to prosecutors. The round grazed the victims eyebrow and blew out one of the vans windows. With that, the victim fought back. He grabbed McGarys gun and both men fell to the ground in a fight during which McGarys hoodie and mask came loose revealing his face and hair for the stations surveillance cameras, prosecutors said. The victim allegedly disarmed McGary and threw the gun. McGary dropped his phone, ran to his car, and sped away, according to the allegations. Police tracked McGary down using his license plate number, the phone he allegedly left behind, and the gas stations surveillance footage. Cops also recovered a handgun at the scene. Prosecutors charged him with aggravated battery by discharging a firearm, armed robbery by discharging a firearm, aggravated unlawful use of a weapon, and motor vehicle violations. At the time of the alleged robbery, McGary was on bond for felony fleeing and eluding. He was released after posting a $500 deposit in that case. After hearing the new robbery and shooting allegations, Judge Arthur Willis ordered McGary held without bail. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Ella Re: Bouncing spam Dear Webby I have always been bouncing spam back at the sender, but now my daughter told me that you had written once that was a dumb idea. She couldn't remember the details, though, and told me to write you myself. So, what's the story with bouncing spam? Ella Dear Ella The only email to bounce is when your mother-in-law writes that she will come for an uninvited but extended visit. Spammers never use their own address as the sender address, and often they even forge the recipient's address as the sender address. Not all, but some spammers use a collector address to catch all the bounces. They can tell if the mail was bounced by a spam control program. A fake bounce to them is confirmation that the address works, and they sell it as "guaranteed live". Except for the one exception mentioned above, bouncing does not work in your favor. Have FUN! DearWebby Murphy had been drinking at the pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So Murphy stood up to leave fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He managed to crawl through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!" Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?" "The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ "The young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' ____________________________________________ Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize hockey!" ____________________________________________ Thanks to Liz for this story: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, April 10 in 1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces at Mollwitz and conquered Silesia. 1790 The U.S. patent system was established when U.S. President George Washington signed the Patent Act of 1790 into law. 1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered Bavaria. 1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the British and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication and exile to Elba. 1825 The first hotel opened in Hawaii. 1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights for $100. 1854 The constitution of the Orange Free State in south Africa was proclaimed. 1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in Georgia along the Tybee River. 1866 The American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) was incorporated. 1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender. 1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England. 1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was killed by government troops. 1922 The Genoa Conference opened. The meeting was used to discuss the reconstruction of Europe after World War I. 1925 F. Scott Fitzgerald published "The Great Gatsby" for the first time. 1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced. 1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany with 19 million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 13 million votes. 1938 Germany annexed Austria after Austrians had voted in a referundum to merge with Germany. 1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to prevent Nazi infiltration. 1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to recognize the United Auto Workers as the representative for its workers. 1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans. 1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers near Berlin. 1953 Warner Bros. released "House of Wax." It was the first 3-D movie to be released by a major Hollywood studio. 1953 Actress Hedy Lamarr became a U.S. citizen. 1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner Michiko Shoda. 1960 The U.S. Senate passed the Civil Rights Bill. 1961 Gary Player of South Africa became the first foreign golfer to win the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, Georgia. 1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA. 1967 The 13-day strike by the American Federation of Radio-TV Artists (AFTRA) came to an end less than two hours before the 39th Academy Awards presentation went on the air. 1968 U.S. President Johnson replaced General Westmoreland with General Creighton Abrams in Vietnam. 1971 The American table tennis team arrived in China. They were the first group of Americans officially allowed into China since the founding of the People Republic in 1949. The team had recieved the surprise invitation while in Japan for the 31st World Table Tennis Championship. 1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000 people. 1972 The U.S. and the Soviet Union joined with 70 other nations in signing an agreement banning biological warfare. 1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed while attempting to land at Basel. 1974 Yitzhak Rabin replaced resigning Israeli Prime Minister, Golda Meir. Meir resigned over differences within her Labor Party. 1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969. 1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected to the British Parliament. 1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of Nicaraguan harbors. 1988 On Wall Street, 48 million shares of Navistar International stock changed hands in a single-block trade. It was the largest transaction ever executed on the New York Stock Exchange. 1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut. 1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The bomb, set off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three people and injured 91. 1992 In Los Angeles, financier Charles Keating Jr. was sentenced to nine years in prison for swindling investors when his Lincoln Savings and Loan collapsed. The convictions were later overturned. 1993 South African Communist Party leader Chris Hani was assassinated. 1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time on Serb forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim town of Gordazde. The area had been declared a U.N. safe area. 1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have outlawed a technique used to end pregnancies in their late stages. 1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British ruled Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended. 1999 The www.June4.org web site was launched by Chinese dissidents and human rights activists to promote their campaign for democracy in China. 2000 Monitors from the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) reported irregularities in the voting in Georgia's presidential election on April 9. President Eduard Shevardnadze was reelected to a new five-year term. 2001 Jane Swift took office as the first female governor of Massachusetts. She succeeded Paul Cellucci, who had resigned to become the U.S. ambassador to Canada. 2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted suicide for patients with unbearable, terminal illness. 2002 Former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu spoke before the U.S. Senate as a representative of the Israeli government. He warned that suicide bombers would spread to the U.S. if Israel was not allowed to finish its military offensive in the West Bank. Netanyaho also cited the goals of dismantling the terror regime and expelling Arafat from the region, ridding the Palestinian territories of terrorist weapons and establishing "physical barriers" to protect Israelis from future Palestinian attacks. 2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional appointees and assumed all governance in the country. 2021 Do smiled. |
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