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Todays Bonehead Award: Florida man robs pizza delivery man, craps himself when he sees police Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 25, in More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | | |
______________________________________________________ The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if you foul up, there's no law against whacking it around a little. --- Joe Martin In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is. --- Chuck Reid ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A nice old lady went to an auction sale. There she was attracted to a parrot in a gilded cage. The parrot was large, very healthy looking and exquisitely colored. The old lady was so attracted by the parrot's appearance that she couldn't help but bid on it. She bid, determined to have the parrot, but another bidder competed and drove the price very high. The old lady eventually bought the parrot. She was at the cashier's desk and told the cashier that she was so excited about the beautiful appearance of the parrot that she had neglected to ask if it could talk. The parrot spoke up, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | | |
A funny story circulated recently about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes. Doyle evidently told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?" Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before. "No, sir," the driver responded, "I have never seen you before." Then he explained, "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." "This is truly amazing!" the writer exclaimed. "You are a real-life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!" "There is one more thing," the driver said. "What is that?" asked Mr. Doyle. "Your name is on the front of your suitcase." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Leroy for this one: At my church one day, a woman who had often snubbed me, went out of her way to give me a big hug before the service. I was surprised by her gesture and wondered what had initiated her change of heart. I got my answer at the end of the service. "Your assignment for next week," the minister instructed, "is the same as last week. I want you to go out there and hug somebody you just can't stand." ______________________________________________________ SandFire Timelapse ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brent Van Besien, 30, Eustis Florida Florida man robs pizza delivery man, craps himself when he sees police On June 27 around 8:40 p.m., an employee of the Mount Dora Dominos Pizza on Highway 441 was heading out for a delivery when 30-year-old Brent Van Besien allegedly approached him with gun, demanding money. The pizza delivery man asked if it was a joke and Van Besien, of Eustis, told him "no, and he would kill him. Fearing for his life, the pizza man gave him all that he had a whopping ten dollars and Van Besien ran away. Van Besien then made his wife drive him home from Dominos, according to a Lake County Sheriff's Office report. There, they changed clothes before going to a gas station. When the couple tried returning again to their apartment, Van Besien saw deputies at their home. That's when he soiled himself and made his wife take him to his moms house. There, Van Besien told his mother he did something stupid, the cops were looking for him and he could get ten years for it, according to a report. Van Besien then asked to come inside because he had crapped his pants and wanted to tell her goodbye, his mother told deputies. Van Besiens mother ultimately let him inside for a short time before sending him back home, according to a report. Thats where deputies met him and searched his apartment. Deputies didnt immediately find any evidence. They did, however, find a roll of toilet paper in his wifes purse that she said her mother-in-law gave to her. When deputies questioned his wife, she told them about her husbands crime and that she was a victim of domestic violence, who was forced to drive him around. The gun was later determined to be a BB gun. Deputies eventually arrested Van Besien Tuesday and booked him into Lake County jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maureen RE: Bounces from mail I did not send Dear Webby, I am getting mail claiming I had sent letters infected with the @MM virus to addresses that I have never seen before! McAfee says I don't have a virus. How do I fix that? Maureen Dear Maureen That virus was kick-started with a spammer's CD full of addresses, that were probbaly harvested from AOL and Yahoo, and from Internet petitions, and they are forged into the FROM field. Just make a MailWasher filter that looks for a FROM address of "MAILER-DAEMON", and for the action choose delete the message and do not show it in the list. Don't bounce that one. A bounce would just clutter up the Internet. To avoid loops, the mailer-daemon does not accept bounces back to it anyway and trashes them unread. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Look at ME!!" boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 sit-ups before a group of young people. "Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why?? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!!" He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my *95th* birthday!!!" "Oh, really?" drawled one of the onlookers, "How? With a bran muffin?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start a Fire with Water By Donna Here is a fun Campers or Survival project. Collect some kindling and leaves, dried tiny branches and fire starting materials. Take a round empty bottle like Pom Drinks, you can use it as a magnifying glass to pinpoint a ray of sunlight onto your collected leaves and other fire starting materials to start a flame. Donna Keep in mind that many parks don't allow open fires anymore! ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ > From Penny "A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East. Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured. Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments ask for help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace. Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance Latin American countries are sending clothing. New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep. The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure. Canada is sending medical teams and supplies. President Donald Trump, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Muslims. God Bless Trump." ___________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ >From Linda Man on phone: Honey Ive been asked to go fishing with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. Were leaving from office & Ill swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pajamas! The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said. The following weekend he came home a little tired but looking good The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish? He said Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didnt u pack my blue silk pajamas? Youll love the answer..!! She says, I did..Theyre in your tackle box Game over. ____________________________________________________ Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed at Joel. "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel shot back. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big men in FBI suits standing by the door?" Joel nodded. "They're hushers." ____________________________________________________ | | How would you like to drive this bridge every day? |
| Today on July 25 0326 Emperor Constantine refused to carry out the traditional pagan sacrifices. 1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general expulsion of Jews from France. 1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. 1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in Japan and ordered all Christians to leave. 1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to Roman Catholicism. 1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara in Canada. 1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at Aboukir, Egypt. 1805 Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish a new country, with New Orleans as the capital city. 1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR. 1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt. 1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the American Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union and not for slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper. 1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan. 1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel. 1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian sovereignty. 1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians. 1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets. 1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown in a coup. 1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device. 1952 Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the U.S. 1978 Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born in Oldham, England. She had been conceived through in-vitro fertilization. 1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space station Salyut 7. 1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that had existed between them since 1948. 1998 The USS Harry S. Truman was commissioned and put into service by the U.S. Navy. 1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the second American to win the race. 2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-2010. 2016 Do smiled. |
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