Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, September 8 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded that his terrified pregnant girlfriend wire 80 ransom from HIS OWN account to his buddy, so he could get drunk with him. ______________________________________________________ Today, September 8 in 1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent European settlement in North America at present-day St. Augustine, FL. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --- Dick Clark An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. --- G. K. Chesterton ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" the teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate History!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Today in 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building. A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke. Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again. ______________________________________________________ Just fishing, right? _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"' ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Leigh Ford, 45, Zoe Doyle, Blackpool Britain Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded that his terrified pregnant girlfriend wire 80 ransom from HIS OWN account to his buddy, so he could get drunk with him. His girlfriend earned a bonehead award too, for forgiving him. Leigh Ford told his partner Zoe Doyle his kidnappers had threatened to break his legs, cut off his genitals and throw boiling water over him Leigh Fords partner Zoe Doyle said she had been left frantic after receiving a call demanding ransom money The alleged kidnap sparked a major 24-hour police operation costing 30,000 that eventually saw Fords claims fall to pieces after CCTV footage showed him leaving a shop with two friends carrying booze. But incredibly, partner Zoe Doyle has forgiven Ford for the cruel hoax that saw him jailed for 16 weeks in February and miss the birth of their child. The 35-year-old, from Blackpool, said: At first, I just thought he was winding me up. But he sounded really scared. The phone went dead and then it rang again. I could hear men shouting in the background, threatening to break Leighs legs and throw boiling water over him. They were threatening to mutilate him, cut off his genitals, and I was panic-stricken. Zoe, who was 35 weeks pregnant at the time, said: Leigh was screaming, begging me to pay their ransom. I told him I would send everything I had in the bank, over to the account they gave me. Zoe transferred 80 all she had into the designated account before calling police. A helicopter and trained negotiator was called in to deal with the situation that lasted through the night. It wasnt until the early hours of the following day in January this year that Ford himself came home and was immediately arrested, questioned and charged with wasting police time. Zoe said: He appeared in court the following day and I was stunned when I heard the truth. I just couldnt believe that Leigh would do that. He had wasted all those police resources. He had put me through hell. The silly thing was, it was his own money. He could have spent it if he had wanted. It just didnt make sense. Leigh was full of apologies, he said his friends had put him up to it and he had thought it was a prank that wouldnt go as far as it did. Hed had a few drinks and he got carried away. I was absolutely furious. I felt like strangling him. He had caused so much stress and worry and it was all for nothing. Ford, 45, admitted wasting police time and collapsed in the dock at Blackpool Magistrates Court as he was jailed for 16 weeks in February. But incredibly, Zoe has since forgiven her partner. She said: He was a total idiot. Ive made that clear to him. But it was one-off and our relationship is otherwise very strong. I know Leigh loves me and he has done his best to make things up to me. From: Olga Re: Alternative to Bookmarks or Favorites Dear Webby, Is there a way to tag your favorites (bookmarks) so that the regularly used ones stay on top and don't get shuffled in with new ones? Thanks Olga Dear Olga There are dozens of bookmark managers available. Most are a total waste of time. Most of them have way too many features, that you will never understand or use. Two popular ones are deactivated: http://www.xmarks.com/ https://del.icio.us/ Here is one, that you might like: http://deweyapp.io/ Dewey is one of the very few, that will actually use your 17 Million old bookmarks. You can sort them by date, title, or URL. The most recently used ones are on top if you sort by date. It takes a bit of getting used to, like all of them, but you will soon find it handy. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Billy for this story: I was the last to leave the office one Friday evening and managed to lock myself out without my overcoat and wallet. Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard the seam of my suit trousers rip apart. About then I realized I needed a screwdriver to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud. Seconds later the elevator doors next to my office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the middle of the floor. There was a crackle from the wall speaker next to the elevator. "This is security," said a voice. "There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't have a needle or thread for your pants!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Night Before School Starts On the night before school, have your child lay his or her clothing out, have lunches and backpacks packed and a quick and easy to prepare breakfast on hand for the morning. Make sure your kids set their alarm clocks and establish an "out the door time". Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | ACat Pictures and Cat Care Resources |
___________________________________________________ My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!" ____________________________________________________ | Today, September 8 in 1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent European settlement in North America at present-day St. Augustine, FL. 1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who then renamed it New York. 1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell. 1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by the Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote. 1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days later. 1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio was put into service for the first time. 1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She was the first Jewish contestant to win the title. 1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations in San Francisco, CA. 1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, was dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The facility had been activated in July earlier that year. 1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to former U.S. President Nixon. 1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence. 1997 America Online acquired CompuServe. 1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space station's central computer and other systems to save energy during a planned six months of unmanned flights. 2015 British researchers announced that evidence of a larger version of Stonehenge had been located about 2 miles from the Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that had been found by ground penetrating radar. 2018 Do smiled. |
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