Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, April 27 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Young mum lost ears, fingers and part of her face when neighbour set her on fire. Arsonist got 19 years. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 27 in 1813 Americans under Gen. Pike sacked York (present day Toronto), the seat of government in Ontario, in retaliation for the Canucks burning down the White House. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. --- M. C. Escher (1898 - 1972) Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed, but nature does not depend on us. We are not the only experiment. --- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983) The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A gent from Chicago was on a fishing vacation up north in the Wisconsin woods. He was out fishing on a lake in a small boat and not having much luck. He noticed a man in another small boat that was close by, open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and enquired, "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish," replied the other man. "I Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim up to the surface. Then I just reach down, net them and pull them into the boat." "Wow! Does that really work?" exclaimed the guy from Chicago "You bet it does." was the response. "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $50 for it." offered the big city gent. "Well, okay." said the country guy. After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many did you catch this week?" The country local, grinned and said, "You're the sixth." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Quoddy lighthouse in Lubec Maine _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ "If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss. _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua L Franklin, 19, East Alton, Illinois Young mum lost ears, fingers and part of her face when neighbour set her on fire. Arsonist got 19 years. A young woman who tried to help her neighbour almost died when she was doused with fuel and set on fire. Kirsten Ashby, 27, saw there was some kind of problem between her neighbour and his girlfriend, and went to try and help. But Raymond Bowen threw petrol over her, then flicked a lighter to set her on fire while he stood smoking a cigarette. She was left with no finger tips, no ears, layers of her skin on her face burned away, and her shoulder-length dark hair burned away. Bowen was jailed for 19 years today for attempted murder after the attack 23 weeks ago. Kristen has been in hospital since the attack, and her parents have spoken out to try and raise money for her treatment and adaptations to help her when she leaves hospital. Her parents, Lynn and Paul, have taken care of Kirsten's daughter Maddison, nine, since the attack and visited her in hospital as she has undergone a staggering 80 operations to start rebuilding her face and body. Her parents said today that they were told to expect the worst as she was not expected to survive the horrific ordeal. They described her as a 'stubborn soul' and her recovery, much of which had been in isolation due to the risk of contracting an infection, was a slow and painful process. In the first month after the incident Kirsten was placed in a medically induced coma so her body could deal with the shock and pain caused by the extensive burns. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Internet Explorer Dear Webby, I have uninstalled it several times according to your directions. I am trying to get it to stop reinstalling with each windows "important updates". I don't want to stop the required updates. Is this possible? Thanks Bill Dear Bill I have disabled mine many years ago, but don't remember how I did it. However, it seems that enough people have made enough noise about that, so that Microsoft has issued a blocker: https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/download/details.aspx?id=40722 The Internet Explorer 11 Blocker Toolkit enables users to disable automatic delivery of Internet Explorer 11 as an important class update via Automatic Updates (AU) feature of Windows Update (WU). Please let me know how that works. Have FUN DearWebby HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?" HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?" CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you." CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $42,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Married for a night A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed." "Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!" After a moment of silence, he farted, long and loud. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheesy Salsa Chicken By l_rambou [20 Posts, 10 Comments] Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 25-35 minutes Total Time: 40-50 minutes Yield: 2 Ingredients: 2 large skinless boneless chicken breasts 2-4 tsp taco seasoning 1 cup salsa 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese Cheesy Salsa Chicken ingredients Steps: Preheat oven in 375 F. Season each chicken breast with taco seasoning. Place in ungreased 8" glass baking dish. Spoon salsa on top of each seasoned breast. Top with grated cheddar cheese. Bake for 25-35 minutes until chicken is tender and cooked through. Serve with rice. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Jimmy just dates and dates. Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Jimmy replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole mother?" Many weeks go by and again Jimmy and his friend get together. "So, Jimmy, did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your mother?" Jimmy shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like mom. My mother loved her, they quickly became friends." "Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not, my father can't stand her!" | Dollhouses of Death that trained America's Detectives |
___________________________________________________ An old maid was held up in a dark alley. She explained she had no money, but the robber insisted that it must be in her bra, or in her panties and started feeling around. "I told you I haven't got any money," the spinster said, "but if you keep doing that, I'll write you a check." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, April 27 in 1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of Dunbar. 1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of Venice for not paying taxes to Rome. 1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by natives in the Philippines. 1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was established in Cebu City. 1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna, on the shores of Tripoli. 1813 Americans under Gen. Pike captured York (present day Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario in retaliation for the Canucks burning down the White House. 1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia seceded from the Union during the American Civil War. 1861 U.S. President Lincoln issued an order to General Winfield Scott that authorized him to suspend the writ of habeas corpus between Philadelphia and Washington at or near any military line. 1863 The Army of the Potomac began marching on Chancellorsville. 1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed. 1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the electrical hearing aid. 1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown. 1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. She was the first American woman to become a queen. 1938 A colored baseball was used for the first time in any baseball game. The ball was yellow and was used between Columbia and Fordham Universities in New York City. 1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria. 1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the first commercial ship to be equipped with radar. 1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which formally segregated races. 1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet. 1953 Five people were killed and 60 injured when Mt. Aso erupted on the island of Kyushu. 1960 The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT. It was the first sub to be equipped with closed-circuit television. 1961 The United Kingdom granted Sierra Leone independence. 1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan. 1967 In Montreal, Prime Minister Lester Pearson lighted a flame to open Expo 67. 1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops. 1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan. 1982 The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington. Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for the shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others. 1982 China proposed a new constitution that would radically alter the structure of the national government. 1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11 days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others. 1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in Beijing. 1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. It was claimed that he had aided in the deportation and execution of thousands of Jews and others as a junior German Army officer during World War II. 1992 The Federal Republic of Yugoslavia was proclaimed in Belgrade by the Republic of Serbia and its ally Montenegro. 1992 Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry into the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank. 2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840. 2005 Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first Kremlin leader to visit Israel. 2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776-foot One World Trade Center on the site of former World Trade Center. 2018 Do smiled. |
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