Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, November 3 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Floriduh homeless man returns to the bank he robbed after getting a drink Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 3, in 1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Teenagers should move out earlier, while they still know it all. --- Socratex "I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence." --- Doug MacLeod ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The following ad is reported to have gotten numerous calls... SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a good looking female who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy." Callers found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight-week-old black Lab. ______________________________________________________ Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six." An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!" ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephen Daniel Stump, 36, Key West, Floriduh Homeless man returns to the bank he robbed after getting a drink An unarmed homeless man robbed a Key West bank Tuesday only to return when he heard the police sirens and immediately surrender, a city spokeswoman said. Stephen Daniel Stump, 36, was arrested on felony charges of robbery and falsely reporting an explosive device after police said he walked into the Centennial Bank branch at 701 Whitehead St. at about 12:30 p.m. demanding money and lying that he had a bomb in his backpack. Stump left with an undisclosed amount of cash and headed over to a Duval Street restaurant, Mangoes, and ordered a drink from the bar. He paid with a $50 bill from the robbery, telling the bartender to keep the change, said city spokeswoman Alyson Crean. When he heard sirens, he apparently returned to the bank and was apprehended. All of the money was recovered. Stump, whose ID card gave his home address as Key Wests homeless shelter, was arrested without incident and the bank building and his backpack were deemed safe by the Monroe County Sheriffs Office bomb squad. Crean said she cannot legally release how much money was stolen. She said while police were interviewing witnesses, one bank employee looked out a window and spotted Stump standing right outside. Stump walked up, put down his backpack and waited to be arrested, Crean said. The robbery shut down part of Whitehead Street for about a half-hour Tuesday while police worked the scene. He will be getting free room and board all winter at the jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Dave Re: BleachBit versus CrapCleaner Dear Webby, Hope all is well with you and yours. In the news we hear about BleachBit how does it compare to CrapCleaner? Dave Dear Dave CrapCleaner has been around for a long time and has been steadily improved all along. It is still free, just supported by voluntary donations. BleachBit got a lot of publicity because Hillary Clinton ordered her IT staff to clean her servers and her machines and those of Abedin, her assistant, with BleachBit, after they got almost a week's notice, that the FBI wanted to look at them. Like CrapCleaner and all utilities since X-Tree and Norton Commander in good old DOS, BleachBit too has a shredder included. Most techies prefer CrapCleaner because it has more professional tools included, but the shredder is very basic and included in all utilities. I don't remember if Hillary's server was Windows or Linux. On Linux servers you have "wipe", "srm" the Secure Remove, "shred", and a few other ones. If you have CrapCleaner, stick with it. Have FUN! DearWebby Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Morris, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. In all honesty I cannot unfairly accept two bribes." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Morris saying, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gluing Glass to Glass Best Answer By Cindy [1 Post, 32 Comments] E6000 will work. It's great for glass. I sell tons of it in my craft shop. You should be able to find it locally. Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
This guy went to see a highly recommend psychiatrist. The doctor showed the man an inkblot and asked, "What does this remind you of?" The guy replied, "A naked woman." Then the shrink showed the man another inkblot and asked the guy the same question. The guy responded, "A naked woman on a bed." This went on and on, inkblot after inkblot. The psychiatrist finally said to the guy, "You are a sick pervert." The guy replied, "I'm not the pervert here. You're the one who keeps showing me all of those naughty pictures." --------------------------- You gotta be nuts to go see a psychiatrist! | | dog barks at cat on stairs |
____________________________________________________ Ole decided to buy Lena a new car for her birthday. They shopped and shopped. Finally, Lena found one she liked. But before signing the papers, Lena looked at the car one more time. Suddenly, she bristled and walked away, saying she didn't want the car. She wouldn't even talk about it. On the way home, Ole said, "Vell, Lena, I tot yew liked dat car. Vat changed yer mind about it? "Ole, I yust don't vant any car vit XL on it," Lena answered. "It's bad enuff having dat on my undervear." ____________________________________________________ "Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application." ____________________________________________________ | | The best and the worst pumpkin carvers |
____________________________________________________ | Today on November 3 1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa. 1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate himself to the conversion of Native Americans to Christianity. 1793 Stephen F. Austin was born. He was the principal founder of Texas. 1796 John Adams was elected the 2nd U.S. President. 1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted. 1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger. 1900 The first automobile show in the United States opened at New York's Madison Square Garden. 1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Colombia. 1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis Chevrolet and William C. Durant. 1934 The first race track in California opened under a new pari-mutuel betting law. 1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S. 1952 Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time in a supermarket in Chester, NY. 1953 The Rules Committee of organized baseball restored the sacrifice fly. The rule had not been used since 1939. 1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named Laika. 1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March 29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. 1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally in Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded. 1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the release of seven American hostages. The story turned into the Iran-Contra affair. 1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of arms to Iran. 1991 Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their first-ever face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain. 1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning her two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that the children had been abducted by a black carjacker. 1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at Arlington National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 1998 A state-run newspaper in Iraq urged the country to prepare for to battle "the U.S. monster." 1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former pro wrestler, as its governor. 2002 At Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong, 777 people assembled a 58,435 square foot jigsaw puzzle with 21,600 pieces. 2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft constitution was unveiled. 2005 Walt Disney Pictures released "Chicken Little." It was the first Disney film completely created with computer animation. 2014 In New York City, One World Trade Center opened for business. 2016 Do smiled. |
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