Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, April 30 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Man sentenced in Chandler police pursuit that ended in crash __________________________________________________ On April 29 in 1975, Communists North Vietnamese troops entered the Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to escape. _____________________________________________________ Television has raised writing to a new low. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) ____________________________________________________ Grandmother was ordering the granddaugher not to climb the trees. Grandmother:"Suzy I warned you not to climb that tree near the cafe because boys will see your panties". Granddaughter: "OH Granny, don't worry I always take them off before climbing the tree!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ An English landowner and his Irish manservant ran into each other in hell one day. "My lord," the Irishman exclaimed, "What are you doing here?" The landowner sighed. "I'm here because I lied, cheated, and stole to pay the debts run up by that playboy son of mine. But you were a faithful, loyal servant. Why are you here?" "For fathering that playboy son of yours," the Irishman replied. ____________________________________________________ April/29 - Springbank,AB - cute little Red-Breasted Nuthatch ___________________________________________________ Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jeff. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "More or less, but maybe I got it mixed up a bit," Jeff groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!" ____________________________________________________ A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. Don't care what I say, no matter what silly excuse I will have to try and sleep more, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy whom I kicked off the train in Buffalo!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arnold Serrano CHANDLER, Arizona, USA Man sentenced in Chandler police pursuit that ended in crash Arnold Serrano has been sentenced after a high-speed chase led to a multi-vehicle crash in Chandler last year. Back in July, police responded to a trespassing call at a home near California Street and Frye Road. The homeowner told officers that an RV was parked in front of their house and that people were possibly doing drugs inside. When officers started trying to talk to whoever was inside, a man named Arnold Serrano reportedly drove off in the stolen RV. He crashed through a gate, hit a parked car, and drove toward a lieutenant, who shot him in response. The man led police on a chase and drove at speeds of nearly 100 miles an hour. Serrano also ran a red light and crashed into five cars. In total, six people - including Serrano - were hurt. One couple has filed a $19 million claim against the city of Chandler, alleging that officers did not follow proper high speed pursuit protocols. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Babelfish Dear Webby Team, Im writing because you cite Babelfish.com in on Webby freequntly. At Digital.com, we've published a "long read" on the rise and fall of Altavista's Babel Fish, which I thought make a useful addition. It covers everything from the birth of the first online translator (and the geek-friendly name!) through to its demise at the hands of Google Translate. You'll find the article here: https://digital.com/about/babel-fish/ Would you consider citing our link alongside the existing Babelfish reference, please? I think this article would keep your content current and Webby readers. readers happy - love to hear what you think. Either way, thank you for your time and consideration. Best wishes, Richard Digital.com Dear Richard That link to Babelfish.com still works, but your story is quite interesting anyway. I have used the Babelfish for many decades, and of course, I have read "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" in the 80s. I even remember the lady, who gave it to me! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. 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_____________________________________________ Virginia was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?" Brent asked. "They talk funny." "Everybody talks in different ways," she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?" ______________________________________________ An old fellow came into the hospital almost dying due to an infected gallbladder. After what seemed aeons of tests and preparations, the gall bladder surgeon removed the gall bladder without any fuss or problem and had the patient sent up to the post-op ward. The charge nurse there insisted that all patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, even though the head nurse had to raise her mighty voice, once, and keep her stern gaze on him the first three days as two student nurses half carried, half dragged him up and down the hallway. On the fifth day they were able to walk him hangin on to only one nurse, and on the tenth day the nurse noticed that the reason he was hanging on now had not much to do with balance and support any more. After two weeks the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father, telling him he was a miracle worker. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and that they had been lucky to get him into the hospital time. "Oh no,doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Our father hasn't walked in over ten years!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
It has been determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the "doggie style." The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead. ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 30, in 0030, Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 0313, Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire under his own rule. 1250, King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million dollars. 1527, Henry VIII and King Francis of France signed the treaty of Westminster. 1725, Spain withdrew from Quadruple Alliance. 1789, George Washington took office as first elected U.S. president. 1803, The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France for $15 million. 1812, Louisiana was admitted as the 18th U.S. state. 1849, The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome. 1864, Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana. 1889, George Washington's inauguration became the first U.S. national holiday. 1900, Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory. 1900, Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway train "Cannonball Express." 1930, The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with France and Great Britain. 1938, Happy Rabbit appeared in the cartoon "Porky's Hare Hunt." This rabbit would later evolve into Bugs Bunny. 1939, The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights was put into service. The train car was known as the "General Pershing Zephyr." 1943, The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who never was,' a dead man the British planted with false invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain. 1945, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had been married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered unconditionally. 1945, Arthur Godfrey began his CBS radio morning show "Arthur Godfrey Time." It ran until this day in 1972. 1947, The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to Hoover Dam. 1948, The Organization of American States (OAS) held its first meeting in Bogota, Colombia. The institution's goal was to facilitate better relations between the member nations and to help prevent the spread of communism in the Western Hemisphere. 1952, Mr. Potato Head became the first toy to be advertised on network television. 1953, The British West Indian colonies agreed on the formation of the British Caribbean Federation that would eventually become a self-governing unit in the British Commonwealth. 1964, The FCC ruled that all TV receivers should be equipped to receive both VHF and UHF channels. 1968, U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in the village of Dai Do. 1970, U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon led to widespread protests in the USA. 1972, The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South. 1973, U.S. President Nixon announced resignation of Haldeman, Ehrlichman, and other top aides. 1975, Communists North Vietnamese troops entered the Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to escape. 1980, Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London. 1984, U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that would make it easier for American companies to operate in China. 1991, An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone that hit Bangladesh. 1993, CERN put the World Wide Web software in the public domain. 1993, Monica Seles was stabbed in the back during a tennis match in Hamburg, Germany. The man called himself a fan of second- ranked Steffi Graf. He was convicted of causing grievous bodily harm and received a suspended sentence. 1998, NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit. 1998, United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats. 1998, In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor $2.25 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on ValuJet that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996. 2002, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was overwhelmingly approved for another five years as president. 2012, One World Trade Center became the tallest structure in New York when it surpassed the height of the Empire State Building. 2015, NASA's Messenger spacecraft crashed into the surface of Mercury. The space probe sent back more than 270,000 pictures to earth. 2022 Do smiled. |
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