Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, December 16 Are you interested in getting mycheer.com mycheers.com $15 each. You can use them for anything you want. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 16 in 1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without representation and the monopoly the government granted to the East India Company. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Domestic Strangle _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821) ". . . if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice." --Laurence J. Peter _______________________________________________ Thanks to Bjorn for this one: I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different, very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it today." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" --------------------- Will the neighbor lady, who never has a headache, get the cuddling for a while ? ________________________________________________` Steffen Kster Schmidt ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Ann Isaac, 27, Clearwater, Floriduh Domestic Strangle A Florida Woman was arrested early yesterday for allegedly throttling her girlfriend during an acrimonious 1:30 AM argument over chips and infidelity, investigators say. An arrest affidavit does not provide specifics about the chips (potato, tortilla, corn, etc.) or the alleged straying. Police charge that Patricia Ann Isaac, 27, and her girlfriend of eight years were arguing early Friday when the duspute turned physical, with Isaac allegedly grabbing the victim by the throat with both her hands. The 27-year-old victim told police she could not breathe and gasped for breath once her throat was released." When cops questioned Isaac at the couple's Clearwater home, she reportedly admitted that she punched the victim and put her into a headlock. Isaac was arrested for domestic battery by strangulation, a felony. She was released from the county jail late last night after posting $5000 bond. Isaac, who has a tattoo with her girlfriend's name and the date they met, has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim. Additionally, she will be outfitted with an ankle bracelet that detects any alcohol consumption on her part. Pictured above, Isaac, who works at a Publix supermarket, was convicted of misdemeanor battery in 2015 after she repeatedly punched and kicked a security officer at the Derby Lane dog racing track in St. Petersburg. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Attaching a folder Dear Webby, Yesterday's Humor Letter was priceless! I used your trick to turn my son's screen upside down, and told him I won't tell him the secret until he cleans up his room. He did that in a great big hurry, restored his screen and rushed out. I somehow suspect that by nightfall a lot of screens in town will be upside down. Now for MY question: ...is there any way of attaching and sending a whole folder in an email or does one have to attach each file separately? Thanks so much.... Ann Dear Ann I don't thik any email program will let you do that, unless you zip up that folder. You can click on ATTACH or hit CTRL H, browse into that folder, hit CTRL A to select all, and hit Enter. That attaches all files from that folder Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. He, Luigi, you are a man of the world. "What is an operetta?" "That'sa da girl who works the switchboard at da teliphone company." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
b A soldier went up to the Company Cook and said, "If you put a lid on the pan there'll be less dust and dirt in the food". The cook, very annoyed, replied, "You mind your own business. Your duty is to defend the homeland!" "That's right," said the soldier. "But my duty is to defend it, not to eat it." What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about? It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved. You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions "bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi'," but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers, probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put them all together into one e-book. This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format, you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the CD with family pictures and other keepsakes, making it a true heirloom. I have produced a smaller version last year. This final edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the price down to the same $10. The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice Christmas gift! Click on the book cover to get your copy or click on Heirloom Christmas Book http://webby.com/cb You can download it and give the file as a gift! ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Storing Water for Emergencies Water should be stored in containers that are made specifically for water storage, or in glass and plastic bottles that were previously used for beverages, thoroughly cleaned. Never use containers that were previously used for pesticides, chemicals, solvents, anti-freeze, oils, etc. Click Here For More Emergency Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Emergency_1945.html Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The battery in John's beat-up car had died because he left the lights on overnight. He was in a hurry to get to work on time so he ran into the house to get his wife to give him a hand to start the car. John told her to get into the second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push the VW fast enough to start it. John pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 MPH for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off. John sat there fuming, wondering what could be taking her so long. A minute passed by and then he heard her thundering down the alley and soon saw her in the rearview mirror, coming at him at about 50 MPH. ___________________________________________________ A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out, "About 20 minutes." "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk." ___________________________________________________ Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her grew quickly. The man in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously, as Jill continued trying to get the car to started again. Finally, Jill got out of her car and approached the man in the car behind her. She smiled and said to him, "I can't seem to get my car started. Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and play hysterical honker for you." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 16 in 1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, Scotland and Ireland. 1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without representation and the monopoly the government granted to the East India Company. 1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress Josephine by an act of the French Senate. 1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire. 1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force of Boers at Blood River, celebrated in South Africa as 'Dingaan's Day'. 1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 1901 "The Tale of Peter Rabbit," by Beatrix Potter, was printed for the first time. 1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up a new government with German support. 1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began in Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive in the war. 1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." 1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation collided over New York City, killing 134 people. 1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected president in Haiti's first democratic elections. 1995 Many U.S. government functions were again closed as a temporary finance provision expired and the budget dispute between President Clinton and Republicans in Congress continued. 1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift its ban on Britain. 1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with U.N. weapons inspectors. 1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to leave their homes. 2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to have a liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid ice. Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's largest moon. The discovery is considered important since water is a key ingredient for life. 2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than 200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also announced that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden. 2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 4, 2001. 2001 A British newspaper, The Observer, reported that a notebook had been found at an al-Quaida training camp in southern Afghanistan. The notebook contained a "blue print" for a bomb attack on London's financial district. 2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known exoplanet on which water could exist. 2019 Do smiled. |
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