Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, December 21 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Chicago Day Care Workers Arrested After Mom Demands Video Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 21 in 1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from England, landed at Plymouth Rock, MA. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo (1863 - 1941) Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking. --- John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946) Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns ---------------- And the brainwashed Hillarites at CNN, who have never worked an honest day in their lives. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Classic for the start: The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive. The next year, the Japanese won by two miles! Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ My sister-in-law was married to a surgeon who was a member of operating teams at both St. Francis Hospital and Christ Hospital in the Chicago area. He would operate in the morning, then field calls about his patients in the evening. Once when I was visiting his home, he was on the phone talking to a resident at Christ Hospital when the other phone rang. My sister-in-law answered, then whispered to her husband, "It's St.Francis calling." He whispered back, "Tell St. Francis I'll have to call back. I'm talking to Christ." ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Helloooou, Sandy," whereupon Sandy broke up in roaring laughter. "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lizandra Cosme, 32, Susana Gonzalez, 27, Chicago, Illinois Day Care Workers Arrested After Mom Demands Video Toddlers were burned with hot glue gun Two workers at a Chicago day care were fired and arrested after a disturbing incident that left five toddlers injured. Police say surveillance video captured one of the workers burning the 2-year-olds with a hot glue gun while the other woman watched and laughed, People reports. Lizandra Cosme, 32, has been charged with five counts of aggravated battery of a child causing great bodily harm, the Chicago Sun-Times reports. Susana Gonzalez, 27, faces five misdemeanor charges of causing the circumstances of child endangerment over the Dec. 1 incident at the Children's Place day care. It's not clear how seriously the children were injured. Prosecutors say Cosme, who brought the glue gun for a Christmas project, was captured on video applying the hot glue directly to the hands and arms of the three girls and two boys. "Each of the child victims winced and some whined at the hot glue gun application," a prosecutor said during a Monday court appearance. Prosecutors said Cosme tried to cover up the incident, asking a father whether his child had been burned at home, ABC7 reports. They said her actions were discovered when one child's mother, an ER physician, saw the burns and demanded to see surveillance footage. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Ad Blocker Dear Webby, I use Firefox as my browser and I've got a 7 day free trial for Ad Remover. Please provide your candid (as always) opinion on the following. Is it worth a year subscription? Don't want to waste $$. Frank Dear Frank Waste of money. #1 The sites you go to are not funded by Santa or the Easter Bunny. They are scraping by on what little they get from ads. Sure, some ADS are funded by rich companies like Energizer, but the site, that shows their ad, is lucky to get $7 a month from them. And $3 from Verizon ads. And so on. Don't confuse the rich advertisers with the poor schmucks who host their ads. If you go to http://webby.com/humor/ you will see an ad, an ad from some rich company. Google decides what ad to show to you. It is usually an ad somehow related to something, that you recently searched for. Last month I got $7.34 from Google It helped. And you want to cut off that token income for all the sites you visit? Morally, it is much better to just ignore the ads, or if you really like the horrorscope or dating site, that you visited, pound the ads on their site. I do, even though I don't go to horrorscope or dating sites, but if I appreciate the content, that somebody scraped together for me, then I pound the ads on top. OK, enough of THAT rant. #2 Because all the sites have to pay for their web hosting expenses, especially if they don't get cheap hosting from me, if everybody blocks their ads, they have to stop and go shovel snow instead. Like poor Ophelia. Some sites will have a niece or nephew studying informatics, and will get them to fix them a redirect. When their page detects an ad blocker, it redirects your browser to a child porno site and registers you there for automatic pop-ups whenever they add new pictures. Those redirects have been around for some time. Nothing new. Many sites feel justified in retaliating against ad blocker users, even though they now call them Ad Removers and Ad Controllers. So I would strongly advise against using ad blockers, and especially against paying for them. Just ignore the ads, or if the site deserves a penny, pound the ad on them. Unfortunately, a lot of the ads nowadays pay only if you actually buy something there, but some, like the battery ads, are still a penny per click. So, please be kind to us poor schmucks, and avoid getting redirected to naughty sites. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Tracy goes to get her haircut. The stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, then hands the girl a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" Tracy looks at the cut carefully, evaluating it from every angle. Finally, she says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer in the back?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Displaying Stray Socks We installed a cork board in the laundry room to put stray socks on. Each time I fold socks I take the strays and pin them up to the board. Next time I have strays, I check the board which usually has the match I am looking for. It makes the stray socks easy to see when I need to find a match. By Amy Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where in tarnation have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck, even the urinal's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?" There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed into your tuba last night!" | | What a great way to slow down drivers. |
A Woman's Poem He didn't like the casserole, And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard... Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right, He didn't like the stew. I didn't mend his sock, The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked him Like his MOMMA used to do. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 21, in 1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from England, landed at Plymouth Rock, MA. 1849 The first ice-skating club in America was formed in Philadelphia, PA. 1879 Ibsen's "A Doll's House" was first performed in Copenhagen, Denmark, with a revised happy ending. 1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the radioactive element radium. 1913 Arthur Wynne published a new "word-cross" puzzle in the "New York World" in England. The name was later changed to "crossword." 1914 Marie Dressler, Charlie Chaplin, Mabel Normand and Mack Swain appeared in the first six-reel, feature-length comedy. The film was entitled "Tillie's Punctured Romance". 1925 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was first shown in Moscow. 1937 Walt Disney debuted the first, full-length, animated feature in Hollywood, CA. The movie was "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." 1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until after the end of World War II. 1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, of injuries from a car accident. 1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State) declared its independence. 1958 Charles de Gaulle was elected to a seven-year term as the first president of the Fifth Republic of France. 1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon. The craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December 27. 1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to succeed U Thant as secretary-general. 1978 Police in Des Plaines, IL, arrested John W. Gacy Jr. and began unearthing the remains of 33 men and boys that Gacy was later convicted of killing. 1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack. 1990 In a German television interview, Saddam Hussein declared that he would not withdraw from Kuwait by the UN deadline. 1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed the birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States. 1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to Palestinian control. 1996 After two years of denials, U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich admitted violating House ethics rules. 1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long prison terms for attempting to organize an opposition party. A third man was sentenced to 12 years in prison on December 22, 1998. 1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved. 2001 The Islamic militant group Hamas released a statement that said it was temporarily suspending suicide bombings and mortar attacks in Israel. 2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in prison for a rape that maintained that he never committed. He was the 100th person in the U.S. to be released after DNA tests were performed. 2017 Do smiled. |
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