Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, April 5 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Florida elementary school teacher arrested for online sex solicitation, traveling to meet 2-year-old ___________________________________________________ Today, April 4 in 1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the largest suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku and Honshu. The bridge cost about $3.8 billion. ____________________________________________________ We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. --- Buck Henry ____________________________________________________ A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch. However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said: 'A swan shan't be friends with a pig.' 'Then I shall fly on,' answered the student with a smile. The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student. At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question: 'You're walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?' 'The gold.' 'Unfortunately, I don't agree. I'd choose cleverness because that's more important than money.' 'Everyone would choose what they don't have.' says the student. The teacher turns red, and he's so angry he writes "ass" on the student's paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says: 'Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!' ____________________________________________________ Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend or deny -- he said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house and left it there all night. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it, If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time, If you can overlook when people take things out on you when through no fault of yours, something goes wrong, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can face the world without lies and deceit, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor or If you can sleep without the aid of drugs. You Must Be A Dog! ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Xavier Donte Alexander, 28, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA Florida elementary school teacher arrested for online sex solicitation, traveling to meet 2-year-old A Florida elementary school teacher is facing charges alleging he solicited online to have sex with a 2-year-old and traveled to meet the child. The Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office said in a news release that Xavier Donte Alexander, 28, was arrested Thursday on felony charges of soliciting sex with a minor and traveling to meet a minor for sex. Alexander is a fourth grade teacher at Grove Park Elementary School in Palm Beach Gardens and also advertised as a babysitter on various websites. The sheriffs office and court clerk did not immediately release further information about the allegations. Alexander was ordered held on $1 million bond at court hearing Friday. He is being represented by the Palm Beach County Public Defenders Office, which did not immediately respond to an email seeking comment. The Palm Beach County School District issued a statement saying it is shocked and appalled by the accusations and that it is cooperating with law enforcement. The district said Alexander has been suspended pending the outcome of the investigation and that none of Alexanders alleged crimes occurred at school. It said it notified parents and families are being offered support services. If convicted of both charges, Alexander could get 20 years in prison. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Doug Re: AOL Flag Dear Webby I have never heard anybody calling those chevron forwarding marks "AOL Flag", until a friend told me today, but I sure will from now on! Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a program that strips those AOL flags from mails. Do you still have the link to that program? Thanks Doug Dear Doug Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for a n icon that looks like a traffic sign with an AOL flag on it. The Program is called "STRIP". and it's free. Have FUN! DearWebby You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way." ____________________________________________ An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake." ____________________________________________ School Science You Won't Believe... The following are actual submissions on a series of quizzes, tests, and essays. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state." "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide." "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars." "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u." "Blood flows down one leg and up the other." "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration." "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader." "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." "A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold." "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects." "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, April 5 in 1242 Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the Teutonic Knights. 1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist John Rolfe in Virginia. 1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill. 1843 Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British crown colony. 1869 Daniel Bakeman, the last surviving soldier of the U.S. Revolutionary War, died at the age of 109. 1892 Walter H. Coe patented gold leaf in rolls. 1892 In New York, the Ithaca Daily Journal published an ad introducing a new 10 cent Ice Cream Specialty called a Cherry Sunday. 1895 Playwright Oscar Wilde lost his criminal libel case against the Marquess of Queensberry. Wilde had been accused of homosexual practices. 1908 The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the Russians retreated. 1919 Eamon de Valera became president of Ireland. 1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular production of balloon tires. 1930 Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in India. 1933 The first operation to remove a lung was performed at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis, MO. 1941 German commandos secured docks along the Danube River in preparation for Germanys invasion of the Balkans. 1951 Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to death for committing espionage for the Soviet Union. 1953 Jomo Kenyatta was convicted and sentenced to 7 years in prison for orchestrating the Mau-Mau rebellion in Kenya. 1955 Winston Churchill resigned as British prime minister. 1986 A discotheque in Berlin was bombed by Libyan terrorists. The U.S. attacked Libya with warplanes in retaliation on April 15, 1986. 1989 In Poland, accords were signed between Solidarity and the government that set free elections for June 1989. The eight- year ban on Solidarity was also set to be lifted. 1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the largest suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku and Honshu. The bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 1999 Two Libyans suspected of bombing a Pan Am jet in 1988 were handed over so they could be flown to the Netherlands for trial. 270 people were killed in the bombing. 1999 In Laramie, WY, Russell Henderson pled guilty to kidnapping and felony murder in the death of Matthew Shepard. 2004 Near Mexico City's international airport, lightning struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on. 2009 North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket, prompting an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council. 2021 Do smiled. |
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