Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, February 9 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Fugitive driver with revoked license tried to have truck reported as stolen after fatal hit-and-run. Bonehead Milwaukee Public Schools and offices will be closed Friday, February 9th due to absence of Gullible Warming. After school activities are also canceled. ______________________________________________________ Today, February 9 in 1895 - Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. 1895 - The first college basketball game was played as Minnesota State School of Agriculture defeated the Porkers of Hamline College, 9-3. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) The best way out is always through. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) -----yeah, I know, especially for a Taurus! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you'd look trying to milk a bicycle!" ______________________________________________________ From Frank a Classic: A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, I would like to buy some cyanide. The pharmacist asked, Why in the world do you need cyanide? The lady replied, I need it to poison my husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, You didn't tell me you had a prescription. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ From Hilla Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Mata-Chavez, 27, Milwaukee, Wisconsin Fugitive driver with revoked license tried to have truck reported as stolen after fatal hit-and-run. Old mug shot from previous arrests. He is still on the run. Juan C. Mata-Chavez, 27, Milwaukee, has been charged with knowingly operating a vehicle While Revoked-Causing Death and Hit and Run Resulting in Death in connection with this crash. Police say that Mata-Chavez was driving with a revoked license. Anyone with information is asked to call police. Prosecutors say a man with a revoked license due to a prior DUI offense tried to have his sister's pickup truck reported as "stolen at gunpoint" after a violent hit-and-run crash caught on camera, which took the life of a mother and injured her son after they left church on Super Bowl Sunday. Four people fled the truck after the crash, and one of those people, a passenger in the truck at the time, helped police identify the driver, who is now charged. It's important to note: He is NOT in custody yet! Juan Mata-Chavez, 27, of Milwaukee faces one count of knowingly operating a motor vehicle while revoked, causing the death of another, and one count of hit-and-run resulting in death. The crash happened Sunday, Feb. 4 near 15th and Lincoln, and it was caught on camera. Monica Hernandez, 43, died as a result of injuries suffered in the crash. Her son, 13, was hurt. They were coming back from church at around 11 a.m. when it happened. According to a criminal complaint, a Toyota Corolla was found at the scene with severe damage to the front end. Aid was being rendered to Hernandez. At the hospital, it was determined she had suffered broken femurs and "avulsions" in both legs, along with internal bleeding. She died during surgery, and an autopsy revealed the cause of death as multiple blunt force injuries secondary to a motor vehicle collision. According to Milwaukee police and security cameras, the pick-up had been driven at freeway speeds in a 30 mph zone, when the driver lost control. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Anti telemarketers program Dear Webby, I enjoy your newsletter practically every day. As to telemarketers, I use Nomorobo.com, one ring and the call is gone. There are some supplier restrictions. Look forward to your comments. Bill Dear Bill Thank you for that valuable information! Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, "How often do I take these." "Let's start off with once every six hours. But they're not for you." replied the doctor. "They're for your wife." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Eric for this thoughtprovoking story: I was having lunch at PJ's with one of my favourite clients last week and the conversation turned to the government's recent round of tax cuts. "I'm opposed to those tax cuts," the retired college instructor declared, "because they benefit the rich. The rich get much more money back than ordinary taxpayers like you and I and that's not fair." "But the rich pay more in the first place," I argued, "so it stands to reason that they'd get more money back." I could tell that my friend was unimpressed by this meager argument. Even college instructors are a prisoner of the socialist myth that the "rich" somehow get a free ride in Canada. Nothing could be further from the truth. Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that everyday 10 men go to PJ's for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If it was paid the way we pay our taxes, the first four men would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1; the sixth would pay $3; the seventh $7; the eighth $12; the ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. The 10 men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20. Now dinner for the table only costs $80." The first four are unaffected. They still eat for free. Can you figure out how to divvy up the $20 savings among the remaining six so that everyone gets his fair share? The men realize that $20 divided by 6 is $3.33, but if they subtract that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being paid to eat their meal. The restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same percentage he had put in, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12, leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of $59. Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out the $20," declared the sixth man pointing to the tenth, "and he got $7!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got seven times more than me! "That's true," shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks." "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor." The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night he didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. When it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They were $52 short! ++++++++++++++++++++++++ And that, boys and girls and college instructors, is how Canada's tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Switzerland and the Caribbean and in Asia. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heavy Lifting When you are lifting something heavy, bend your knees, not your waist. Use your legs to support the weight. You'll put less pressure on your back that way. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being--a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol, whom one can treat as one's absolute own, who will be kind and faithful when times are hard, who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Yes, I can help you choose which puppy to buy!" | | The Soledar Salt Mines in Ukraine |
Cindy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Cindy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Cindy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Cindy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Cindy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 9, in 1870 - The United States Weather Bureau was authorized by Congress. The bureau is officially known as the National Weather Service (NWS). 1884 - Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent application for a chemical recording stock quotation telegraph (U.S. Pat. 314,115). 1885 - The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii. 1895 - Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. 1895 - The first college basketball game was played as Minnesota State School of Agriculture defeated the Porkers of Hamline College, 9-3. 1900 - Dwight F. Davis put up a new tennis trophy to go to the winner in matches against England. The trophy was a silver cup that weighed 36 pounds. 1909 - The first forestry school was incorporated in Kent, Ohio. 1932 - America entered the 2-man bobsled competition for the first time at the Olympic Winter Games held at Lake Placid, NY. 1942 - The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal meeting to coordinate military strategy during World War II. 1942 - Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S. 1943 - During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended with an American victory over Japanese forces. 1950 - U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State Department was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of "McCarthyism." 1969 - The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 1971 - The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar earthquake that registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale. 1971 - The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after mankind's third landing on the moon. 1975 - The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth. 1989 - Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. completed the $25 billion purchase of RJR Nabisco, Inc. 1997 - "The Simpsons" became the longest-running prime-time animated series. "The Flintstones" held the record previously. 2001 - "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs," opened in theaters. 2018 Do smiled. |
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