Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, April 23 Have FUN! DerWebby Todays Bonehead Award: 2 NH women arrested for Pizza Dewlivery man stabbing Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 23 in 1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. --- Franklin P. Adams ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Donna rides the bus to work every day. Today she's in some discomfort because she has a pain in her lower abdomen. She finally realizes that its just a tremendous build up of gas from something she ate. The bus is quite crowded and she doesn't know what to do. Then she remembers that pretty soon the bus will run across some railroad tracts and it will rattle and bang and make lots of noise. She will be able to pass this gas and nobody will know. What she doesn't know is that the bus driver also rides the bus everyday and has grown tired of all the noise the bus makes when it rattles and bangs across the railroad tracts. So last night he stayed after work and had the maintenance crew tighten up all the loose bolts and lubricate all the moving parts to quiet down the old bus. Well, here come the railroad tracts, Donna raises up on one cheek and lets it rip. It was one long, loud, juicy sounding fart. The bus didn't rattle and bang like it usually did and now you could hear a pin drop inside the bus as everybody started looking around. Donna thought that maybe no one knew who did it and that she should just act natural. She thought she should just start a conversation with someone as if nothing had happened. She leaned over to the man sitting across the aisle and casually asked him, 'Do you have a transfer?' He politely responded, 'No I don't, but the next tree we pass I will try and grab you a handful of leaves.' ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Debra Pitts, 31, Jennifer Tozzi, 34, Claremont NH 2 NH women arrested for Pizza Dewlivery man stabbing Two women face felony charges in connection with the stabbing and armed robbery of a pizza delivery man Saturday morning, police said. The incident happened on Trinity Street and the victim, who was not identified, was treated and released from Valley Regional Hospital, Claremont Police Capt. Brent Wilmot said in a news release. Acting in part on tips from the public and an investigation that included reviewing video surveillance footage from a nearby location, police arrested Debra Pitts, 31, of Claremont, and Jennifer Tozzi, 34, at a Claremont residence at about 7:30 p.m. Saturday. Tozzi also had a warrant out for her arrest in connection an incident out of Grafton County, police said. Her hometown was not indicated in the release. Pitts faces a robbery charge and Tozzi has been charged with conspiracy to commit robbery. The charges filed against both are Class A felony-level offenses, the release said. Pitts and Tozzi remain in custody and scheduled to be arraigned on Monday in Claremont District Court. An earlier police news release said an order from Dominos was being delivered to an apartment on Trinity Street when the delivery driver was attacked as he arrived at the apartment. The driver was stabbed several times and a small amount of money was taken. A neighbor who heard the attack intervened and threatened to call the police, at which point the two suspects fled on foot in the direction of Franklin Street. Pitts lives on Trinity Street, though Police Chief Mark Chase declined to say whether she had initiated the call to Dominos. This has all the signs that its more than likely drug- related, Chase said before the arrests were made. Were definitely looking at that angle. Its just what everybody in the state is dealing with. Staff at the Claremont Dominos on Saturday morning acknowledged that the driver was recovering from his injuries, but referred questions to a manager, who did not immediately respond to requests for comment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rosalind Re: Static strap Dear Webby Have to install an ether port in the tower and the book says I should wear an grounding wrist strap available at most electronics stores. Before I spend the money I would like your opinion as to the necessity of wearing one. Thanks for your newsletter, pictures and always dependable advice. Rosalind Dear Rosalind Double your money. Just fold it in half and stick it back into your wallet. With today's electronics, static is not really a problem any more. However, if you routinely get zapped when you touch door knobs or the back of the computer, then take a couple of feet of any flexible wire, strip the insulation of the last few inches, tie one end to bare metal at the back of the computer, and loop the other end through your watch band o around your wrist. When you work on the computer, always leave it plugged in, so that it is properly grounded. Anybody who tells you to unplug the computer is a clueless idiot. Turn the switch on the power supply in the back to OFF. It will cut off all power, but will leave the ground securely connected. When done, remember to turn the power supply switch back ON. Make sure that your Ethernet cable is long enough, plug it into the port, and secure the cable to any vent holes in the back with a tight nylon quick-tie. That way no strain is put onto the delicate socket and plug, and it is not damaged when somebody trips over the cable or somebody pulls on it while trying to straighten out the cable mess behind the computer. Have FUN! DearWebby A five-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, 'Marian, Marian!' Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, 'You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know.' 'I know,' said the kid, 'but the store is full of mothers.' | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reheating Evenly in a Microwave Oven By ShirleyE [162 Posts, 103 Comments] When reheating a meal on a plate in your microwave oven, arrange the food in a ring to help heat it more evenly. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: An elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" ___________________________________________________ | | Splattered ink animal paintings. |
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. " We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars " "Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did." Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, on April 23 1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. It was the Order of the Garter. 1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain. 1635 The Boston Public Latin School was established. It was the first public school building in the United States. 1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the Antilies from France. 1789 U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin House, New York. It was the first executive mansion. 1789 "Courier De Boston" was published for the first time. It was the first Roman Catholic magazine in the U.S. 1826 Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the Liaodong peninsula to China. 1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen was demonstrated in New York City. 1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill- Billie". 1908 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt signed an act creating the U.S. Army Reserve. 1920 The Turkish Grand National Assembly had its first meeting in Ankara. 1924 The U.S. Senate passed the Soldiers Bonus Bill. 1945 The Soviet Army fought its way into Berlin. 1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to Mao and the communists. 1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service of teletype setting. 1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched. 1981 The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test at their Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 1982 The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that consumer prices declined the previous month (March). It was the first decline in almost 17 years. 1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing its 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, which resulted in the resumption of selling the original version. 1988 A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on flights that were under two hours. 1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough. 1988 Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". 1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. The sale brought in #34.5 million. 1997 An infertility doctor in California announced that a 63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman to give birth. 1999 In Washington, DC, the heads of state and government of the 19 NATO nations celebrated the organization's 50th anniversary. 2003 U.S. President George W. Bush signed legislation that authorized the design change of the 5-cent coin (nickel) for release in 2004. It was the first change to the coin in 65 years. The change, to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase, was planned to run for only two years before returning to the previous design. 2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up weapons of mass destruction. 2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com. 2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications bought and downloaded. 2017 Do smiled. |
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