Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 20 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Felon uses chainsaw to steal gun, barricades himself in Wallingford home ___________________________________________________ Today, April 20 in 1832 Hot Springs National Park was intially created by an act of the U.S. Congress. It was the first time a piece of land was set aside by the U.S. government to preserve the area for recreation. The area was made a national park on March 4, 1921. ____________________________________________________ My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. --- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. (1900 - 1965) ____________________________________________________ A young woman enters the convent. One of her first duties is to drive the Mother Superior to the local Diocese. Needless to say the young nun is a little apprehensive about getting such an important job to do right off the bat. So the two of them set off down the highway, the young nun driving and the Mother Superior sitting quietly in the back. No sooner do they start this journey when out of nowhere this red object drops out of the sky and lands on the hood of their car! Low and behold, it's the Devil himself! He crawls up to the window and starts making lewd gestures at the young nun. The young nun looks back at the Mother Superior and says, "Mother Superior! The Devil's on the hood of the car! What should I do?" The Mother Superior says in a calm voice, "My child... you are a nun! Show him your cross!" With that the young nun rolls down the window, leans her head out and screams: "YOU @#$%$#@& GET THE @#$#@% OFF MY @#$@$#% CAR!" ____________________________________________________ When Jean arrived for her daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling her that her little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting in the wrong desk." "I don't understand that," Jean replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?" The teacher went on to reassure her that her daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was for tomorrow." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors." This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again. Then came, "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives." Still not good enough. How about, "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again. So they tried, "Inner Souls and Outer Holes." Still no go. Nor did; "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", "Freaks and Cheeks", or "Loons and Moons" work either. Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council; "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends." "APPROVED!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Poach, 38, Wallingford, Connecticut, USA Felon uses chainsaw to steal gun, barricades himself in Wallingford home A domestic violence call turned into a barricaded suspect situation in Wallingford on Wednesday. Christopher Poach, 38, faces a list of charges and is a convicted felon. Police said they were called to an address on Fairlawn Drive. The call said Poach threatened to kill a victim and sparked a Taser at the victim for intimidation. Poach threatened to shoot the victim in the head, police said. During the incident, police said the suspect also tried to restrain the victim from leaving and assaulted the person. When officers arrived, Poach refused to leave the home. He said that he had a gun. They said they witnessed Poach point a long gun out of a window of the home. Poach eventually fled the home through a back door and took the long gun with him, according to police. Officers said they were able to apprehend him after a foot pursuit. They said he had a live round in the chamber when they caught him. Police said Poach used a chainsaw on a safe to get access to the gun. He also was found to be in possession of ammunition and body armor. He was charged with first-degree reckless endangerment, second- degree threatening, third-degree assault, second-degree breach of peace, stealing a firearm, second-degree criminal mischief, two counts of criminal possession of body armor, criminal possession of an electric defense weapon and criminal possession of ammunition by a felon. His bond was set at $1 million. Poach was given a court date of Thursday in Meriden. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Lisa Re: Animated cats Dear Webby On my last computer I used to have a bookmark to a site with a whole lot of funny animated postys with cats. Do you know the URL of that site? I think it's one of your clients. Muchly appreciated! Lisa Dear Lisa Sure I know that site. Jana's site has been a favorite for sending postys to cat lovers for many decades. Her famous animation of the cat unrolling the toilet paper is priceless! Have a look at http://actioncat.com Nowadays people are too lazy to send postcards, so Jana made animated GIFS to use instead of mug shots on your phone. Her famous animation of the cat unrolling the toilet paper is priceless and since the mid 90s as probably been sent a Million times! Have a look at http://actioncat.com Have FUN! DearWebby College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father (beaming): "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately two billion Chinese couldn't care less. ____________________________________________ Alex sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" Elmer smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." Alex said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Yes, sure Alex, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got!" ____________________________________________ The preacher was preaching with all his might. The subject was SIN, and he was 'against' it. A girl, with a wonderful figure, and not nearly enough clothes to hide much skin, came in late. She strode down the center aisle, close to the front, and sat down. It was plain to the preacher that he had lost a little over 100% of his audience to this voluptuous sex-object. He shook a fist at her and said, "You is the Jezebel the good book tells us about. You have got the mind of every man in this building, on evil thoughts, and not good thoughts. I am a man of God! You don't affect me, and right now up in Heaven, Saint Finger is shaking his Peter at you!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, April 20 in 1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from St. Malo to explore the North American coastline. 1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members. 1657 English Admiral Robert Blake fought his last battle when he destroyed the Spanish fleet in Santa Cruz Bay. 1689 The siege of Londonderry began. Supporters of James II attacked the city. 1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois Indian in Cahokia. 1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, Bavaria. 1832 Hot Springs National Park was intially created by an act of the U.S. Congress. It was the first time a piece of land was set aside by the U.S. government to preserve the area for recreation. The area was made a national park on March 4, 1921. 1837 Erastus B. Bigelow was granted a patent for his power loom. 1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey from London to Cyprus. 1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the radioactive element radium. 1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was captured within hours and was hanged for high treason on August 3. 1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation with Germany." 1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty Americans were freed. 1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-way ride for blacks to move to northern states. 1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the Vietnam War. 1971 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the use of busing to achieve racial desegregation in schools. 1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho Maru on April 9. 1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong would cease in 1997. 1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2 bomber) was officially unveiled. 1989 Scientists announced the successful testing of high- definition TV. 1991 Mikhail Gorbachev became the first Soviet head of state to visit South Korea. 1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 2021 Do smiled. |
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