Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, February 9 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Church cigarette stunt means jail for Russian woman Details at  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 9 in 1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight.  See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door --- Paul Beatty ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Husband's note on refrigerator to his wife: Someone from the Guyna Colleges called. They said that Pabst beer is normal." ______________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you'd look trying to milk a bicycle!" ______________________________________________________   >From FB ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  22 year old Russian woman Belgorod, Russia  Church cigarette stunt means jail for Russian woman  A 21-year-old woman is jailed for deliberately provoking authorities. Her crime? She posted a photo of herself lighting a cigarette with a candle in a Russian Orthodox church in the city of Belgorod, reports the Moscow Times. For that, she has been charged with "insulting the feelings of religious believers," under a law that came about in 2013 in the wake of the stunts pulled by the feminist punk group Pussy Riot. She faces up to three years in prison, reports the London Times. Hers is not the only such case to generate headlines. A 22- year-old man posted a video of himself playing Pokmon Go in a church in Yekaterinburg after state television warned that such game-playing was a no-no. He, too, was charged under the 2013 law, and has been held since October. No trial dates appear to have been set in either case. Meanwhile in Moscow: Russian President Vladimir Putin gives a good example of proper behavior in church, as he lights a candle in the Lifegiving Trinity Church in Moscow.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Connie Re: Angelwinks going to wrong mailbox Dear Webby WHY DID YOU PEOPLE STOP SENDING ANGELWINKS TO MY IN BOX. THEY ARE ALL COMING TO MY JUNK BOX. I HAVE BEEN GETTING ANGELWINKS FOREVER AND ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU STOPPED SENDING THEM HOW COME???? PLEASE STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT. Sent from Outlook Connie  Dear Connie We send Angel's Angelwinks.net newsletter to your address. What you do with it after that, is entirely up to you. Once it has entered the Ho'mail server, there is nothing more that we can do about it. Probably you have accidentally hit the Junkmail button in your Outlook one morning, and it remembered that. You have to tell your Outlook yourself to behave and not to toss good email into the junk box. I can't reach into your Outlook. There is probably good information in the OUTLOOK help on how to tell Outlook not to junk certain emails. Have FUN! DearWebby    Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made. When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained. "We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth." The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?" Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food. The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?" "Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stubborn Locks If you have a lock that is not functioning well, spray it with some graphite lock spray. You can buy it at any hardware store. One popular brand is called Lock-Ease. In a pinch, you can try using some non-stick vegetable oil on both the lock and key. You can also try dipping your key in talcum powder and inserting it in the lock.   Keep in mind that most locksmiths will charge you $20 more, if you have gunked up a lock with graphite, and tell you that the lock is beyond repair if you have used kitchen oil. Those remedies may be OK for large, oldfashioned locks that use simple gates to stop wrong keys from turning. If the key looks like a miniature flag pole with a jagged flag at the end, then it's safe to use that stuff, but you will still get charged extra for gunking it up and the lock requiring tedious cleaning. Never use those for modern tumbler locks with a key similar to a car key. Tumbler locks should never see anything thicker than WD40 penetrating oil, and even that is frowned upon, because it will trap dust. If you use penetrating oil once, you will have to keep using it once or twice a year until the lock has been taken out and all lubricants cleaned out. It is dust and grit and gunk that jam up a tumbler lock, not lack of lubrication. DearWebby  
  
Mini Maestro 
 ____________________________________________________ A Translation Of Yankee Dogs To Southern Dawgs (Yankee) German Shepherd Dog (Southern) Poh-leece Dawg (Yankee) Poodle (Southern) Circus Dawg (Yankee) St. Bernard (Southern) "Thank Gawd, Here Comes The Whiskey Dawg" (Yankee) Doberman Pinscher (Southern-2 versions) Bad Dawg, or Dobimin Pinches (Yankee) Beagle (Southern) Rabbit Dawg (Yankee) Rottweiler (Southern) Bad Dawg AND Mean As Heck Dawg. Good dawg to guard the still. (Yankee) Yellow Lab (Southern) Ol' Yeller Dawg (Yankee) Black Lab (Southern) Duck fetchin' Dawg (Yankee) Greyhound (Southern) Greased Lightnin' Dawg (Yankee) Malinois (Southern) Another kind of Poh-leece Dawg (Yankee) Blue Ticks, Red Bones, etc. (Southern) Prize Coon Dawgs (Yankee) Pekinese (Southern) Mop Dawg (Yankee) Chinese Crested (Southern) Nekkid Dawg (Yankee) Dachshund (Southern) Wienie Dawg (Yankee) Siberian Husky (Southern) Sled-Pullin' Dawg (Yankee) Malemute (Southern) Truck-Pullin' Dawg (Yankee) Bouvier, Komondor (Southern) "What The Heck Kinda Dawg Is That?" (Yankee) Great Dane, Mastiff (Southern) Danged BIG Dawg (Yankee) Any dog that raids the hen house (Southern) Egg-Suckin' Dawg (Yankee) Any lazy dog (Southern) Good fer nothin' Dawg (Yankee) Any dog that's dead & buried & gone to Rainbow Bridge (Southern) Best danged Dawg I ever had ___________________________________________________  
  
Detailed close-ups of Michelangelo's David. 
 A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
 No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today on February 9 1825 The U.S. House of Representatives elected John Quincy Adams president. No candidate had received a majority of electoral votes. 1861 The Provisional Congress of the Confederate States of America elected Jefferson Davis as its president. 1884 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent application for a chemical recording stock quotation telegraph (U.S. Pat. 314,115). 1885 The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii. 1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. 1895 The first college basketball game was played as Minnesota State School of Agriculture defeated the Porkers of Hamline College, 9-3. 1909 The first forestry school was incorporated in Kent, Ohio. 1932 America entered the 2-man bobsled competition for the first time at the Olympic Winter Games held at Lake Placid, NY. 1942 The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal meeting to coordinate military strategy during World War II. 1942 Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S. 1943 During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended with an American victory over Japanese forces. 1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State Department was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of "McCarthyism." 1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 1971 The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar earthquake that registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale. 1971 The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after mankind's third landing on the moon. 1975 The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth. 1997 "The Simpsons" became the longest-running prime-time animated series. "The Flintstones" held the record previously. 2001 "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs," opened in theaters. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 

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