| Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, July 18 ____________________________________________________ History: today, July 18 in 1942, The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in combat, made its first flight. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead BBQ Bandit: Suspect Cool After 911 Rescued him From Freezer ___________________________________________________ Q In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) Adventure is just bad planning. --- Roald Amundsen (1872 - 1928) My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ------Yeah, me too. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "Im going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving." ____________________________________________________ A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Whatever," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination.'" "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Whatever, I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity.... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus." "We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin." "You've both got it wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ali Elmezayen, 45, Hawthprne, California. USA California man who killed sons in insurance scheme jailed for 200+ years A California man was sentenced to more than 200 years in prison on Thursday after drowning his two autistic sons by driving his car off a pier in order to collect on life insurance policies he had taken out on them. Ali Elmezayen, 45, drove the family's Honda sedan -- with his ex-wife and two sons inside -- off a wharf in San Pedro, south of Los Angeles, on April 9, 2015. His sons, aged eight and 13, drowned but his ex-wife, Raba Diab, was saved by a fisherman who threw her a flotation device. Elmezayen escaped through an open driver's side window and swam to a ladder on the dock. Following the deaths of his sons, Elmezayen, an Egyptian national, collected more than $260,000 on insurance policies from two companies. Authorities said Elmezayen transferred most of the money to Egypt and about $80,000 was seized from his US account. Elmezayen was convicted in October 2019 of federal charges of mail and wire fraud, identity theft and money laundering. US District Judge John Walter sentenced him to 212 years in prison and denounced what he called the "vicious and callous nature of his crimes." "He is the ultimate phony and a skillful liar," Walter said. "The only regret that the defendant has is that he got caught." Elmezayen still faces state charges for the murder of his two sons and attempted murder of his ex-wife. "How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ Orpheus-agates-Bulgaria ___________________________________________________ Company Excercise Program: This company claims not to need any further exercise programs because their empoyees already are jumping to conclusions, beating around the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck, climbing the ladder, wading through paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the rules, and pushing their luck by bouncing checks in the cafeteria! ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Gabriel J. Morales, 18, Lee, Illinois, USA BBQ Bandit: Suspect Iced After 911 Rescue From Freezer An 18-year-old man found himself behind bars on Saturday evening after he became trapped in a freezer during an attempted burglary at a local BBQ Stand, according to the Waterman Police Department. Authorities said they responded to a call at approximately 6:41 p.m. on July 15 at a BBQ Stand located at the intersection of U.S. Highway 30 and IL Route 23. The call was from a man who was stuck inside a walk-in freezer at the store. Upon arrival, police discovered Gabriel J. Morales, of the 3500 block of U.S Route 30 in Lee, locked inside the freezer. An initial investigation revealed that Morales had tried to pick the lock on one of the store's doors, but after failing to do so, he gained entry through a broken window, which he unlocked. Finding himself unable to exit the freezer, Morales resorted to calling 9-1-1 for rescue. Following the incident, the Waterman Police Department arrested and charged Morales with one count each of burglary and possession of burglary tools. He is currently being held at DeKalb County Jail, awaiting a bond hearing. ___________________________________________________ >From Carol This happened yesterday and is important information for our age group (and beyond). A friend had his 2nd dose of the vaccine at the vaccination center after which he began to have blurred vision on the way home. When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor or be hospitalized. He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return to the vaccination center immediately and pick up his glasses! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The primary school teacher was preparing the class for their annual concert. Some children were to sing songs, others recite poetry and some to play musical instruments. Little Alfie had just come down from the country and the teacher asked him if he would like to do some farmyard impressions. Alfie thought this was a great idea. On the night of the concert, Alfie nervously walked onto the stage. "Farmyard noises," he announced. Then, cupping his hands to his mouth, he yelled at the top of his voice, "Get off that fuckin' tractor! Shut the fuckin' gate! Get that fuckin' calf outa the yard!" ___________________________________________________ A distinguished clergyman and a friend were playing golf. It was a very close match, and at the last hole the clergyman teed up, addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force. The ball, instead of sailing down the fairway, merely rolled off the tee and settled slowly some twelve feet away. The clergyman frowned, glared, and bit his lip, but said nothing. His opponent regarded him for a moment, and then remarked: "Reverend, that is the most profane silence I have ever witnessed." ____________________________________________________ Motorola, a major player in the cell phone industry, is introducing a tiny necklace cell phone for women. It's on a chain and it's worn around a woman's neck and hangs down right to a woman's cleavage. The only problem women have with it; when it rings, every guy in the room yells, 'I'll get it.' ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center and were sitting on a bench under a tree when Greg turned to the Sam and said, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a newborn baby." Greg Said, "Really! Like a baby!" To which Sam replied, "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself." ___________________________________________________ Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits From: Eloise Re: Aluminum DearWebby Every five years or so the tin-foil-hat yuppies pester me with scary BS about aluminum foil. You told me many years ago that it is just BS and not to worry about it. Since you have worked for years in the big ALCAN smelter, I assume you know about that stuff. Have you changed your mind? Eloise Dear Eloise Facts don't change. Aluminum Oxide is basically cleaned and washed clay, dirt, dust. What the earth is made of, and what we get many tons per day from space. You can't get away from it, unless you live in a space station. The reasaon some people with Alzheimers disease show aluminum in their brain is not because they wear or use aluminum. The reason a small portion of older people show aluminum in their brain is because it is so stable and does not go away. It is a good thing that your delicious cakes are not that stable! If it HAD had any effect and caused Alzheimers, it would have been used up. DUH! ahhh, DUH!!! Even though the aluminum and aluminum-oxide dust in the smelter lines was often so thick, that you could barely see 15 feet, none of the 800 workers there had Alzheimers, even though many were quite old. I should have stayed, but a pending strike chased me out. That was dumb! Obviously it is not the aluminum or the aluminum oxide, that causes Alzheimers. The fact that some people don't use it or get rid of it, and instead accumulate it, might well be a usable marker possibly showing the real cause of Alzheimers. However, unless they first figure out a profitable drug to deal with it, they won't tell you. So, don't worry about aluminum foil. Have Fun! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water. Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course. Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps into the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs. When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course. Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?" He said, "I had left my car keys in the bag." ___________________________________________________ Morris, a tourist, once came to Israel with the intention of visiting the Kotel (Western Wall) but he forgot what it was called. When he stepped into a taxi, he said to the driver "Can you please take me to the place where all Jews cry? Do you know where this is?" The taxi driver answered . . . "Beseder - I'll take you there". He drove Morris straight to the taxation office. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today July 18, in 0064, The Great Fire of Rome began. 1536, The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 1743, "The New York Weekly Journal" published the first half- page newspaper ad. 1789, Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to back the French Revolution. 1812, Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace with Russia and Sweden. 1830, Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 1872, The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing for secret election ballots. 1914, Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation division called the Signal Corps. 1932, The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St. Lawrence Seaway. 1935, Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to fight to the last man against the invading Italian army. 1936, The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General Body Companys factory in Chicago, IL. 1936, The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 1936, "The Columbia Workshop" debuted on CBS radio. 1942, The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in combat, made its first flight. 1944, U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle of the hedgerows. 1944, Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in World War II. 1947, U.S. President Truman signed the Presidential Succession Act, which placed the Speaker of the House and the Senate President Pro Tempore next in the line of succession after the vice president. 1971, New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull their troops out of Vietnam. 2001, A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several days. 2015, The Ebay spin-off of PayPal into a separate publicly traded company was completed. 2023, Do smiled.
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