Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, June 12 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ Today, June 11 in 1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, across the English Channel. 1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, across the English Channel. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: 2 arrested after 1-year-old child declared brain dead by injuries in California motel ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974), _____________________________________________________ An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs." __________________________________________ Rough night? Northern Pygmy-Owl, British Columbia, Canada __________________________________________ In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?" Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself yourself!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ezequiel Ramirez, 23, Jasmine Blase, 18, Fresno, California, USA 2 arrested after 1-year-old child declared brain dead by injuries in California motel Ezequiel Ramirez, 23, was arrested in Fresno Tuesday in connection with a Visalia child abuse case that left a 1- year-old dead. The child's mother, Jasmine Blase, 18, was arrested Saturday and charged with one count of child abuse causing great bodily injury. Visalia police responded to a Motel 6 just before 11 p.m. Friday for a report of an unresponsive child and found the child had multiple severe injuries. Police say Ramirez and Blase injured the child. The 1-year-old child was transported to Valley Children's Hospital where testing found multiple bone fractures and significant head trauma. The child was found to have no brain function and declared "clinically" dead by doctors. The child remains on life support while "donor options are determined," Visalia Police Sgt. Celeste Sanchez said. Ramirez was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of homicide and a parole violation. Blase was booked into jail Saturday on suspicion of child abuse. Her charges are expected to be amended, Sanchez said. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elon (The OTHER one) Re: Explorer Alternative Dear Webby, I am getting really fed up with the Microsoft file explorer. Is there an alternative, that is not too expensive? Elon Dear Elon Try Free Commander If you used to love Norton Commander in the DOS days, then you will love Free Commander. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ | | Landslide Takes Entire Neighborhood To The Sea |
_____________________________________________ 25 Favorite Ways To Annoy A Yankee 1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING. 2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two. 3. When giving directions, finish with "and it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses the mess out of 'em. 4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying. 5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!" 6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball. 7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. (This really does annoy 'em!) 8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus. 9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air. 10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie, John Michael, Jim Bob... you get the idea) 11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it." 12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady". 13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can". 14. Put Tabasco on everything except paah-kahn pie. 15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say "Well, I'll be darned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!" 16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones. 17. Name all of your children "Bubba". (or just call em that!) 18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction. 19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. 20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something. 21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do. 22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations... Offends the heck out of 'em. 23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into an Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there..." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.." 24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend. 25. Call 'em a yankee. Works every time. _____________________________________________ The mayor of a small town in Texas decided to ride with a policeman to learn what they do when they issue a traffic ticket. The officer told the mayor, " we'll just follow a car for a few miles and the motorist will surely make a mistake somewhere on his trip." They found a guy in a Lexus and began to follow. After three miles no violations. Then six miles no violations and then after ten miles the policeman turned to the mayor and said, "I think I'll stop that driver and congratulate him on being so careful." He pulled the car to the side of the road and went slowly to the drivers window. He complemented the driver for being so careful and the driver said, "Hic! Ya gotta be careful when you're ash drunk ash I am!" _____________________________________________ >From Oma As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it." ____________________________________________ Vladimir Putin wakes up in the morning, sees the sun, and says, "Good morning, sun!", to which the sun replies, "Good morning, President Putin." Later that afternoon, he faces the window, turns to the sun, and says "Good afternoon, sun!", to which the sun replies, "Good afternoon, President Putin." That evening, as it began to grow dark, he turns to the sky and asks the sun why it isn't there. The sun replies, "Putin--I'm in the west now!" | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 12 in 1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 1442 Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples. 1665 England installed a municipal government in New York. It was the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam. 1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia began. 1838 The Iowa Territory was organized. 1839 Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, according to the legend. 1849 Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529 A) 1897 Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later became known as the Swiss army knife. 1898 Philippine nationalists declared their independence from Spain. 1900 The Reichstag approved a second law that would allow the expansion of the German navy. 1901 Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by accepting the Platt Amendment. 1918 The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit occurred on World War I's Western Front in France. 1921 U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man to attend military training camp. 1923 Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet above the ground, escaped from a strait jacket. 1926 Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over plans to admit Germany. 1935 U.S. Senator Huey Long of Louisiana made the longest speech on Senate record. The speech took 15 1/2 hours and was filled by 150,000 words. 1935 The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and Paraguay had been fighting since 1932. 1941 In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed. It was the first step towards the establishment of the United Nations. 1944 Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced that he would support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek in the war against Japan. 1963 "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, and Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli Theatre in New York City. 1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found guilty of corrupt election practices in 1971. 1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, across the English Channel. 1985 Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of the NHL's Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the league Most Valuable Player. 1985 The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27 million in aid to the Nicaraguan contras. 1986 South Africa declared a national state of emergency. Virtually unlimited power was given to security forces and restrictions were put on news coverage of the unrest. 1987 U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. 1990 The parliament of the Russian Federation formally declared its sovereignty. 1991 Russians went to the election polls and elected Boris N. Yeltsin as the president of their republic. 1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin stated that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down nine U.S. planes and held 12 American survivors. 1996 In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a law against indecency on the internet. The panel said that the 1996 Communications Decency Act would infringe upon the free speech rights of adults. 1998 Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corp. in largest high-tech acquisition. 1999 NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of Kosovo in Yugoslavia. 2003 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time in nearly 19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July 13, 1984, after being injured in a car accident. 2009 In the U.S., The switch from analog TV transmission to digital was completed. 2020 Do smiled. |
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