Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, January 30 Today's Bonehead Award:  Georgia man wanted in 4 Georgia murders arrested in Indiana  ______________________________________________________ Today, January 30 in 1972 In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is known as "Bloody Sunday." More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. --- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ It was just another day at the DMV. I had taken a woman out on her driving test when a police cruiser came up behind us--sirens wailing, lights flashing. "Was I speeding?" she asked the officer, after both cars pulled over. "No," said the officer. "But you are driving a stolen vehicle." Smiling awkwardly, the woman turned to me. "Does this mean I failed my test?" ______________________________________________________   The patrol bears are hibernating, but the wall is sold. _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________  Reported by Wayne  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Linden Gibson, 17, Tioga, Louisiana  Louisiana teen arrested for hooting cow, told police he thought it was a raccoon  A Tioga, Louisiana teen is facing animal cruelty charges after deputies said he shot a cow, but claimed that he thought he was shooting a raccoon. 17-year-old Linden Gibson was arrested Friday following an investigation. His charges include aggravated cruelty to an animal, criminal damage to property, and criminal trespassing. Deputies did not give any information about the condition of the cow. What happened to traditional Cow-Tipping? Too chicken to get that close?  
 From: Lucille Re: Adware  Dear DearWebby, I have run spybot twice. In fact, about two minutes ago, it congratulated me for not harboring threats. I got on the web, and sure enough, crap is still popping up and interrupting the stuff I want to read. Any ideas? Lucille  Dear Lucille, Stuff that you agreed to suffer in lieu of cash, may not be removed by Spybot-Search & Destroy. If you agreed to it, and it was mentioned on page 74 of the small print, then automatic programs like Spybot may not remove it in a wholesale manner. That's what the judge said. Also keep in mind that, whatever you got popping, might not be spyware at all. Just because it is being a nuisance, that does not mean it is reporting what size bra you bought on eBay or Victoria's Secret. It could be ad-ware or mal-ware or a virus infection, or it could be "in lieu of" crap. Spybot-Search & Destroy goes after spyware. That's all. It doesn't do laundry or vacuuming or anything else. Malwarebytes might be able to kill that ad ware, but they too have to tread very carefully when it comes to wholesale removal of "in lieu" crap. Pinko judges side with the poor, hard done by ***holes, who foist that stuff on you. If Malwarebytes doesn't do it, you will probably have to get some neighborhood wiz kid to go after it. There ARE programs that help in that, but they would just frustrate you and you would wind up heaving the computer out the window. Programs like "Hijack This!" are effective tools, but only for advanced white- hat hackers, who have spent serious time reading instructions. Have FUN! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained." 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 >From Anna My husband and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since. ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Find Your Parked Car Take a moment to mark down your parking spot number or row on a piece of paper. If there is no row or spot number, just count the spaces and rows yourself as you walk from your car to your destination. Also, note what entrance you use so you can leave through the same door.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
 
 
I can see where the boys imagination comes from. 
 ___________________________________________________ A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the pastor says. "Well, Rev'rund", the farmer says,"I had some hay to put up before the rain came. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of dry hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about wet hay." ___________________________________________________ When I went with my stepdaughter to visit a prestigious university, our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended my stepdaughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school." After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?" "Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "Since my boyfriend graduated here he works at the McDonalds across the parking lot." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between sobs. "I'm happy... this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together." ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 30 in 1649 England's King Charles I was beheaded. 1790 The first purpose-built lifeboat was launched on the River Tyne. 1798 The first brawl in the U.S. House of Representatives took place. Congressmen Matthew Lyon and Roger Griswold fought on the House floor. 1847 The town of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco. 1862 The U.S. Navy's first ironclad warship, the "Monitor", was launched. 1889 Rudolph, crown prince of Austria, and his 17-year-old mistress, Baroness Marie Vetsera, were found shot in his hunting lodge at Mayerling, near Vienna. 1894 C.B. King received a patent for the pneumatic hammer. 1900 The British fighting the Boers in South Africa ask for a larger army. 1910 Work began on the first board-track automobile speedway. The track was built in Playa del Ray, CA. 1911 The first airplane rescue at sea was made by the destroyer "Terry." Pilot James McCurdy was forced to land in the ocean about 10 miles from Havana, Cuba. 1933 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the first time. The program ran for 2,956 episodes and ended in 1955. 1933 Adolf Hitler was named the German Chancellor. 1948 Indian political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi was murdered by a Hindu extremist. 1958 Yves Saint Laurent, at age 22, held his first major fashion show in Paris. 1958 The first two-way moving sidewalk was put in service at Love Field in Dallas, TX. The length of the walkway through the airport was 1,435 feet. 1962 Two members of the "Flying Wallendas" high-wire act were killed when their seven-person pyramid collapsed during a performance in Detroit, MI. 1964 January 30 The U.S. launched Ranger 6. The unmanned spacecraft carried television cameras and was intentionally crash-landed on the moon. The cameras did not return any pictures to Earth. 1968 The Tet Offensive began as Communist forces launched surprise attacks against South Vietnamese provincial capitals. 1972 In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is known as "Bloody Sunday." 1979 The civilian government of Iran announced it had decided to allow Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to return. He had been living in exile in France, sending tons of recorded cassettes to Iran. 1989 The U.S. embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan was closed. 1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized the deployment of a 6,000-member U.N. peace-keeping contingent to assume security responsibilities in Haiti by U.S. forces. 1995 Researchers from the U.S. National Institutes of Health announced that clinical trials had demonstrated the effectiveness of the first preventative treatment for sickle cell anemia. 1996 Gino Gallagher, the reputed leader of the Irish National Liberation Army, was shot and killed as he queued for his unemployment benefit. 1997 A New Jersey judge ruled that the unborn child of a female prisoner must have legal representation. He denied the prisoner bail reduction to enable her to leave the jail and obtain an abortion. 2002 Slobodan Milosevic accused the U.N. war crimes tribunal of an "evil and hostile attack" against him. Milosevic was defending his actions during the Balkan wars. 2002 Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were due to high production costs and cheap imports. 2005 In Iraq, the first free Parliamentary elections since 1958 took place. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog