Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 31 Today in 1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to stabilize its economy. How about asking for that loan to be paid back and use the money for the long overdue wall? Today's Bonehead Award:  Pill thief steals laxatives instead of opioids  ______________________________________________________ Today, January 31 in 1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the necessary number of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment abolished slavery in the United States. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 The minister asked, "Is there anyone in the congregation who wants a prayer said for their shortcomings?" "Yes" said a man in the front pew. "I am a spendthrift. I throw money around like it is growing on trees." "Very well" said the pastor. "We will join in prayer for our brother...just as soon as the collection plate has been passed." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Riley's mother gets off work at 5am. One morning Riley, 4, got up on her own for preschool, got dressed, did her hair and put her backpack on ... all without waking her mother. (Riley's mother takes turns with other moms taking the children to preschool and that day another mom was driving.) When Riley's ride came she left -- without waking her mother. When her mother woke up and Riley was gone she was obviously frantic. She called the school and found out Riley was OK. That night at dinner her mother said, "Riley, don't ever do that again. Wake Mommy up when you go to school. I thought somebody stole you!" Riley replied, "Mom, you know me. If anybody would steal me they would just bring me back right quick!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A boss asked his employee, "Why were you trying to go over my head for a raise?" The employee denied it. "I did no such thing." The boss proved his point. "You were praying for a raise weren't you?" ______________________________________________________   Holy Smoke _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________  Reported by Wayne  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Peter Hans Emery Jr. 60, Pinellas Park, Florida  Pill thief steals laxatives instead of opioids  An accused pill thief got more than he bargained for when he broke into a pill box at the Pinellas Park home where he was staying. Pinellas Park Police say 60-year-old Peter Hans Emery Jr. "was observied on video camera entering the victim's lock box, selecting a pill bottle, pouring pills into his hand and then leaving." What Emory didn't realize is the bottle labeled "Hydrocodone Acetaminophen" actually contained laxatives. According to the arrest report, Emery admitted that he took both pills thinking they were hydrocodone, but threw them away once he realized they were somethign else. Emery is now facing petit theft and violation of probation on prior theft and drug possession charges.  
 From: Lucille Re: Adware  Dear DearWebby, I have run spybot twice. In fact, about two minutes ago, it congratulated me for not harboring threats. I got on the web, and sure enough, crap is still popping up and interrupting the stuff I want to read. Any ideas? Lucille  Dear Lucille, Stuff that you agreed to suffer in lieu of cash, may not be removed by Spybot-Search & Destroy. If you agreed to it, and it was mentioned on page 74 of the small print, then automatic programs like Spybot may not remove it in a wholesale manner. That's what the judge said. Also keep in mind that, whatever you got popping, might not be spyware at all. Just because it is being a nuisance, that does not mean it is reporting what size bra you bought on eBay or Victoria's Secret. It could be ad-ware or mal-ware or a virus infection, or it could be "in lieu of" crap. Spybot-Search & Destroy goes after spyware. That's all. It doesn't do laundry or vacuuming or anything else. Malwarebytes might be able to kill that ad ware, but they too have to tread very carefully when it comes to wholesale removal of "in lieu" crap. Pinko judges side with the poor, hard done by ***holes, who foist that stuff on you. If Malwarebytes doesn't do it, you will probably have to get some neighborhood wiz kid to go after it. There ARE programs that help in that, but they would just frustrate you and you would wind up heaving the computer out the window. Programs like "Hijack This!" are effective tools, but only for advanced white- hat hackers, who have spent serious time reading instructions. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained." 
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 >From Anna My husband and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since. ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Find Your Parked Car Take a moment to mark down your parking spot number or row on a piece of paper. If there is no row or spot number, just count the spaces and rows yourself as you walk from your car to your destination. Also, note what entrance you use so you can leave through the same door.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
 
 
The art of Origami fascinates me. I should learn it......if I had time. 
 ___________________________________________________ A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the pastor says. "Well, Rev'rund", the farmer says,"I had some hay to put up before the rain came. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of dry hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about wet hay." ___________________________________________________ When I went with my stepdaughter to visit a prestigious university, our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended my stepdaughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school." After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?" "Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "Since my boyfriend graduated here he works at the McDonalds across the parking lot." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between sobs. "I'm happy... this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together." ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 31 in 1606 Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his role in the "Gunpowder Plot" against the English Parliament and King James I. 1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. 1858 The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship designed by Brunel, was launched at Millwall. 1865 In America, General Robert E. Lee was named general-in-chief of the Confederate armies. 1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the necessary number of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment abolished slavery in the United States. 1876 All Native American Indians were ordered to move into reservations. 1893 The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the United States Patent Office. 1917 Germany announced its policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1929 The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in Mexico. 1930 U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider pilot to have his craft released from a dirigible, a large blimp, at Lakehurst, NJ. 1934 Jim Londos defeated Joe Savoldi in a one-fall match in Chicago, IL. The crowd of 20,000 was one of the largest crowds to see a wrestling match. 1936 The radio show "The Green Hornet" debuted. 1940 The first Social Security check was issued by the U.S. Government. 1944 During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein Atoll and other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands. 1945 Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier since the U.S. Civil War to be executed for desertion. 1946 A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six constituent republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, Bosnia- Herzegovina, Macedonia) subordinated to a central authority, on the model of the USSR. 1950 U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered development of the hydrogen bomb. 1958 Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was the first U.S. earth satellite. 1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon. 1971 Telephone service between East and West Berlin was re- established after 19 years. 1982 Sandy Duncan gave her final performance as "Peter Pan" in Los Angeles, CA. She completed 956 performances without missing a show. 1983 The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory in Britain. 1983 JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 billion over the next five years to modernize stores and to accelerate a repositioning program. 1985 The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the AMC plant in Toledo, OH. 1990 McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant in Moscow, Russia. 1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to stabilize its economy. 1996 In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the gates of the Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives killed at least 86 and injured 1,400. 2000 John Rocker (Atlanta Braves) was suspended from major league baseball for disparaging foreigners, homosexuals and minorities in an interview published by Sports Illustrated. 2000 An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off Southern California. All 88 people on board were killed. 2001 A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one Libyan and acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, that occurred in 1988. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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