Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, Oct 17 __________________________________________________ History: Today in 1973, The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted until March of 1974. ____________________________________________________ Q The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music. ---bMarcus Brigstocke ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ BONEHEAD AWARD Funeral Home Worker Burgled Home to rape Sex Doll __________________________________________________________ 1.Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda 2.Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce 3.Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet 4.Dear God, If we come back as somebody else, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton- because I hate her. Denise 5.Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, (I am not going to tell you who I am). 6.God, I read the bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison 7.Dear God, How did you know you were God? Who told you? Charlene 8.Dear God, Is it true my Father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house? Anita 9.Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nan 10.Dear God, Did you really mean, Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You? If you did then I'm going to get even with my brother. Darla 11.Dear God, I like the story about Chanukah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too. Glenn 12.Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? Love, Dennis 13.Dear God, Do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does? Nan 14.Dear God, It's O.K. that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes? Arnold 15.Dear God, Did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident? Norma 16.Dear God, In bible times, did they really talk that fancy? Jennifer 17.Dear God, What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything you wanted. Jane 18.Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now? Seymour 19.Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year. Peter 20.Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works out OK with me and my brother. Larry 21.Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget. Mark 22.Dear God, You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways before I cross the street. Dean 23.Dear God, My brother told me about how you are born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say? Marsha ________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ While waiting in the reception room for my first appointment with a new dentist, I noticed his diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 45 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any thought that he might have been my classmate. This balding, gray- haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have gone to school with me. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "1957." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?" __________________________________________________ Alberta Brownie ___________________________________________________ WOULD THAT GET ME IN? "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!" "Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" ___________________________________________________ >From Edo While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was she worth the trouble you're in now?" ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: MaryEllen RE: Add more gadgets Dear Webby I love that 8 Gadgets! Facebook censors it, I can't send a link to my daughters. The f* Democrats claim it goes against Community Standards! What a bunch of commies! Well, they can't censor my email. Both daughters and their daughters love it! How do I add some of the other gadgets? MaryEllen Dear MaryEllen Right-click on the black sidebar, select ADD GADGETS and there you have herds of thumbnails of all of them. Choose for example the Calendar. You get the brown calendar from W7, click on it to get the days. Everything just like it was on W7. SMOOOOOOTH! Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ A college student wrote a letter home, "Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late." A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!" ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ Two men were boasting to each other about their old Army days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click." "Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle." "What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other off hand, "just our medals." ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award Has Been Reported By Rock Ryan Smith, 41, California, USA Funeral Home Worker Burgled Home to rape Sex Doll OCTOBER 13--A funeral home worker responsible for transporting dead bodies in a Nebraska county is suspected of having an intimate encounter with a life-sized sex doll he found in the apartment of a deceased person, according to a felony criminal complaint. Investigators say Ryan Smith, 41, and a colleague were dispatched last week to a home in Omaha to collect the body of an individual who died there. A sex doll was inside the residence at the Rock Creek Apartments complex. Police allege that Smith subsequently called the property manager and claimed that the local sheriff had asked him to collect the sex doll for evidentiary purposes. Smiths request was denied by the manager, who later returned to the apartment and heard noises emanating from the unit (which had been locked from the inside with a deadbolt and chain). After Smith exited the home with his clothes disheveled, the property manager called cops, who later busted Smith on a felony burglary charge. With deputies planning to seek DNA samples from the sex doll, additional charges are possible. Pictured above, Smith was fired from his job with Mid America First Call, which, according to its website, specializes in removals, transportation, embalming, cremations, and ship- outs. ________________________________________________ "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews: (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Dead bugs on windshield (S) Live bugs on order (P) Autopilot in Altitude Hold Mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground (P) IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) inoperative (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick (S) That's what they're there for (P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search (P) Aircraft handles funny (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious (P) Target Radar hums (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics _________________________________________________ History On Oct 17, in 1739, Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George II so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of exposed and deserted young children" in Londond, England. 1777, American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War. 1888, The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was released at newsstands. 1931, Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 1933, Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after leaving Germany. 1945, Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina after staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 1973, The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted until March of 1974. 1978, U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 1979, Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 1987, U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified radical mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 1989, An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7 billion. 1994, Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 1994, The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war. 1997, The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his execution in Bolivia. 2000, In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened to the public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's other exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam and Las Vegas. 2000, Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th victory as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck to become the record holder for career victories. 2001, Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out the assassination to avenge the killing of its leader by Israel 2 months earlier. 2001, Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because of troop movements by India in the disputed territory of Kashmir. India said that the movements were part of a normal troop rotation. 2001, Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was kidnapped by the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was released on April 8, 2002. 2003, In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved a drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's symptoms. 2003, In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676- foot-tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was planned to open for business in 2004. 2003, In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station reopened as a heritage center. 2023, Do! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to [email protected]
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
[email protected]
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
