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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 7, in 1854, Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Park Forest man arrested after stabbing at Minooka business __________________________________________________ Q There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970), ________________________________________________ I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor. The nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, youre the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wifes room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smiths wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP." I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor. The nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, youre the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wifes room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smiths wife has just had riplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A man entered the florist shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to his wife. When asked what he wanted on the card, he replied that no card was necessary as she'd know who they came from. Shortly after the flowers were delivered, the florist received a phone call from the wife asking who had sent the flowers. The florist told her that the sender requested no card be included. "Please, I've GOT to know WHO sent these flowers BEFORE my husband comes home for lunch!" ________________________________________________ A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is mass out?" "Nope," the man replied, but yer hat's on crooked." __________________________________________________  _________________________________________________ A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "My TV got repossessed." ________________________________________________ "A truly perfect marriage would be one between a blind woman and a deaf man." --- George Burns ____________________________________________________  Black bear and wolf ___________________________________________________ Linda said: The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?" ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Frederick Damico, Minooka, Illinois, USA Park Forest man arrested after stabbing at Minooka business A Park Forest man is under arrest after an alleged stabbing at a business in Minooka on Friday. The Minooka Police Department says 52-year-old Frederick Damico was arrested several hours later after fleeing the scene on foot. Police picked him up at the Arby's restaurant in Minooka. The Minooka Police Department says the stabbing happened at the Menasha Packaging facility on Minooka Drive during a fight between Damico and another employee. The employee was taken to a Joliet hospital. Damico was on parole after being released in October last year after a nine year prison term for having a firearm while being a convicted felon. He has also served time for aggravated arson and home invasion. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Sally Re: Ad Blockers DearWebby I did get an ad blocker after you gave us the link. However, lately more and more sites are whining about that and demand that I disable the ad blocker. Is there an ad blocker, that they don't catch? Sally Dear Sally No, there is not. They put an "ET phone home" bit into the ad. If ET does not phone home, then they know you have some kind of ad blocker. Luckily, for almost all sites that snivel and whine about ad blockers, there is a free site, that has the same, and often better content. Just search a bit and you will find them. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, March 7 0322 BC, Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 1774, The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. That did not go over well. 1799, In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 1848, In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 1849, The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 1850, U.S. Senator Daniel Webster endorsed the Compromise of 1850 as a method of preserving the Union. 1854, Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 1876, Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent No. 174,465) for his telephone. 1901, A grand jury indicted four citizens of Anderson, SC, that had been operating a slavery system in parts of South Carolina. It was determined that many African- Americans were captured while traveling, were jailed and then sent to work for local landowners. 1904, The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 1904, In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a black man accused of murder. 1906, Finland granted women the right to vote. 1908, Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles." 1911, Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 1911, In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico. 1918, Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 1925, The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 1927, A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 1933, CBS radio debuted "Marie The Little French Princess." It was the first daytime radio serial. 1933, The board game Monopoly was invented. 1935, Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in Florida. 1936, Hitler sent German troops into the German speaking Rhineland in violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 1942, Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 1945, During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River at Remagen, Germany. 1947, John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime could prevent strikes. 1951, U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 1954, Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden. 1955, "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special for the first time. 1955, Phyllis Diller made her debut at the Purple Onion in San Francisco, CA. 1959, Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a million miles in jet airplanes. 1965, State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 1968, The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 1971, A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 1975, The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new rule allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the previous two-thirds. 1981, Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 1983, TNN (The Nashville Network) began broadcasting. 1985, The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was released. 1987, Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las Vegas, NV. 1989, Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II massacre in Katyn. 1994, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that does not require permission from the copyright holder. 1994, In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters to form a union with Rumania. 1999, In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Prez of the ruling Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 2002, A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 2003, Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data was sent via fiber- optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles. 2009, NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 2012, The successor to Apple's iPad2 was unveiled. 2017, In Malta, the Azure Window landmark collapsed into the sea after period of heavy storms. 2023, Do smiled.
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