Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, January 11 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Thanks James!! Today's Bonehead Award:  Police arrest man accused of sodomizing 1-year-old girl he was babysitting  ______________________________________________________ Today, January 11 in 1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the first person to be successfully treated with insulin. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ A little girl went to church for the first time. After the service, the minister asked how she had liked it. "Well," she thought for a moment, "I thought the music was very fine, but your commercial was too long!" ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Sent to Fort Knox, KY., for Army basic training, my fianc, Roland, underwent standard adaptability tests. Once, he and five other trainees were told to don gas masks and enter a gas-filled chamber one by one. Inside, a drill sergeant ordered each soldier to remove his and recite his name, rank and serial number before exiting. Except for Roland, every trainee began coughing - eyes watering and noses running. The sergeant looked surprised that Roland was unaffected by the gas, so my fiance explained, "I'm from L.A." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?" ______________________________________________________   Walmartian _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kyler Payne, 22, Michigan City, Michigan  Man said he was too drunk to run from crash  Porter police arrested a Michigan City man over the weekend on three misdemeanors related to drunken driving after he allegedly rolled his car and told police he tried running away from the crash but couldn't because he was too drunk and injured, a report said. Porter police were called around 10:04 p.m. Friday to the area of South Mineral Springs Road and Wood Street for a report of a rollover crash, according to a report. Police said they found a car in the woods, west of the intersection, and Kyler Payne, 22, lying on the ground near the train tracks just north of the woods where the car was located. Payne was bleeding from his head and face but was coherent and speaking, police said. Payne allegedly told police he had approximately 14 drinks throughout the day and that after crashing his car, he was able to kick out the windshield and exit it. He reportedly told police the crash occurred because he was driving around 100 mph and did not realize the intersection was so close. Payne allegedly had a blood-alcohol content of .197 percent, police said; the legal limit is .08 percent. Police transported Payne to Porter Regional Hospital for medical treatment before taking him to Porter County Jail on preliminary misdemeanor counts of operating while intoxicated-endangering; operating while intoxicated with a blood-alcohol content greater than .15 percent; and operating while intoxicated.  
 From: Jim Re: Ad Blocker  Dear DearWebby, Thanks again for all of your information and your jokes. Also thanks for helping Ophelia with her mailings. Wondering about blocking ads on firefox, facebook, etc. Is there a free program to do this? What are your thoughts about something like this? Thanks again, Jim  Dear Jim Yes, there ARE ad blockers: Ad Blocker for for FireFox Ad blocker for Chrome Before you get too carried away blocking ads, consider the reason for ads. For example I make an average of $4.54 per month on the top ads. Not much, but every bit helps. Nobody is getting rich on ads since the Dot-Com-Crash in 2004. Up to then, ads were paid by exposure. So many Million exposures brought in so much money, Since then, and what caused the Dot-Com-Crash, ads pay only a commission. For example, exposing the ad for MailWasher does not pay a penny. When somebody does smarten up and buy it, then I get a couple of bucks. It is the same with all sites. They need to make money to pay the hosting bill. Only the political "news" sites like CNN, that are financed by Soros and Iran, don't have to worry about that. All other sites depend on ads. When you block ads, you block their groceries. Some ignore it, but not all. Some detect your ad blocker and send you off to a religious or porno site. You have to be aware of that. Ad blockers work, but you have to expect hostile retaliation. I just ignore ads, that I am not interested in. You can also block tracking. As you may have noticed, if you search for "Vatican", then Firefox will pester you with Vatican related ads for two weeks. If you don't like that, try https://duckduckgo.com/ and hide from the CIA and FBI, and see how you like that. The next step would be to try a VPN for a month. Then even Broom Hilda can't track you. You will be a real Internet Guerilla. With nobody able to track you, your ads will be reduced and definitely not about Vatican Porno. Some friends use and swear by this one: https://www.privateinternetaccess.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Here is a really old classic: Miss Suzie was teaching her class about whales...she told the class that although whales are the largest creatures on earth they have really small mouths and can only swallow krill and other small sea creatures. Little Johnny immediately stood up and told the teacher she was wrong. The teacher asked why? Little Johnny explained that Jonah was swallowed by a whale in the Bible. The teacher told Little Johnny that was impossible as a whales mouth is much to small. Little Johnny argued that if it was in the Bible then it was true... but the teacher stood her ground. Little Johnny told her that when he went to heaven he would ask Jonah himself...and then the teacher asked Little Johnny what if Jonah went to hell? To which Little Johnny replied..."Then you can ask him!" 
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 An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes." "I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie. "Marge," whispered Mildred. "What?" said Marge. "I think the guy next to me is a pervert." "What makes you think so?" asked Marge. "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred. "Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all." "Yes," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Longer Life for Your Carpet - Vacuum Regularly Dirt helps wear down the fibers in your carpet. Vacuum regularly and place a welcome mat at your home's entrances. Also consider a "no shoes" policy. High traffic areas can often use vacuuming once a day while low traffic areas can be vacuumed a couple of times a week. Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
 
 
Let's take a trip to southern England. 
 ___________________________________________________ When my son first start dating he said, "I want to marry a good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy, a woman who is beautiful." I told him he'd better make up his mind. ___________________________________________________ The Navy always tries to discourage "sick call" to keep the sailors on duty. Two Corpsmen were standing around when a new Seaman entered Sick Bay. The sailor asked if the ship's doctor was any good. "Good?" said one Corpsman. "He doesn't fool around at all. A guy came in with foot cramps and the doc cut off his foot." "And remember the guy with erysipelas?" asked the second Corpsman. "The doc lobbed off his right ear." The sailor turned a pale shade of green and said, "I'll be back later. I've just got a mild case of jock itch." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A little girl was overheard by her mother asking God to make Boston the capital of Vermont. "Why do you pray like that?" the mother asked. "Because I said so on my geography exam this afternoon." ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 11 in 1569 England's first state lottery was held. 1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United States from London. 1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency, following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution of Emperor Maximilian. 1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for the first time by Alexander Campbell. 1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the first time. 1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured by the Hudson Motor Company. 1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the first person to be successfully treated with insulin. 1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly solo from Hawaii to California. 1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same day, Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies. 1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties relinquishing extraterritorial rights in China. 1964 U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report that said that smoking cigarettes was a definite health hazard. 1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected of involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics. 1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule linked up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where the Soyuz 26 capsule was already docked. 1986 Author James Clavell signed a 5$ million deal with Morrow/Avon Publishing for the book "Whirlwind". The book is a 2,000 page novel. 1988 U.S. Vice President George Bush met with representatives of independent counsel Lawrence E. Walsh to answer questions about the Iran-Contra affair. 1991 An auction of silver and paintings that had been acquired by the late Ferdinand Marcos and his wife, Imelda, brought in a total of $20.29 million at Christie's in New York. 1996 Ryutaro Hashimoto became Japan's prime minister. He replaced Tomiichi Murayama who had resigned on January 5, 1996. 2000 The U.S. Postal Service unveiled the second Vietnam Veterans Memorial commemorative stamp in a ceremony at The Wall. 2001 The Texas Board of Criminal Justice released a review of the escape of the "Texas 7." It stated that prison staff missed critical opportunities to prevent the escape by ignoring a fire alarm, not reporting unsupervised inmates and not demanding proper identification from inmates. 2001 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission approved the merger of America Online and Time Warner to form AOL Time Warner. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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