Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, April 12 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Mom busted for coke on Dr Zeuss book and "significant" bruising on her 3 year old son ___________________________________________________ Today, April 12 in 1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to orbit the Earth. ____________________________________________________ An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. --- Truman Capote (1924 - 1984) ____________________________________________________ A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room replied, There's a calendar behind you. ____________________________________________________ This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch." She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?" So I said, "Of course, you can stay there," and shut the door." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ At a paternity trial, the lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?" "Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed. "And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?" the lawyer continued. "Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had a red Camaro." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Casey Quoka, 24, Largo, Florida, USA Mom busted for coke on Dr Zeuss book and "significant" bruising on her 3 year old son A Florida Woman is facing a felony child neglect charge after police found cocaine and a cut straw atop her three-year-old sons copy of Dr. Seusss The Cat in the Hat, records show. Casey Quoka, 24, was arrested Wednesday evening after police found narcotics in her residence in Largo, a city in the Tampa Bay area. Along with the bump of suspected cocaine, cops seized marijuana and a baggie of pills suspected to be MDMA. The drugs were easily accessible to Quokas child, according to a criminal complaint. Quoka was also charged with felony child abuse for leaving her son with significant bruising as a result of corporal punishment that allegedly exceeded the accepted level of force. Pictured above, Quoka could also face drug charges after lab tests are performed on the items confiscated from her home. Quoka, who works as a bartender at Applebees, was booked into jail on the two criminal counts. She was freed from custody last night after posting $4000 bond. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Ruth Re: Ad Blocker Dear Webby When the postcards weree still popular, you used to run ads. Nowadays you just have useful information. So it should be safe to ask you what is a good adblocker. I use Chrome. Thanks Ruth Dear Ruth Nowadays Adblock Plus seems to be a good choice. It installs into Chrome without hassle, blocks just about anything. One item I have trouble with, that is the OneSignal push video. It seems harmless, just a small video for illiterate slobs, who don't want to read a page. It hogs the right bottom area and blocks stuff, that you want to read. It is not an ordinary ad, but a "plug-in" that is playing stupid and difficult to remove. Regular ads, though, are blocked qute nicely. Once in a while some page will whine about adbloc-plus, but I usually don't need that page badly enough to make an exceeption for it. I COULD do that, but normally can't be bothered. So, for now I am happy with AdbockPlus. Have FUN! DearWebby Wanting to be married, a couple came to the county courthouse in Virginia..They accidentally walked up to the offices where hunting licenses are sold. "We're from out-of-state," said the prospective groom. "Can we get a license?" The clerk replied, "No, not if you are fom-out-of state, but I can give you a three-day permit." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with the masterpieces at the Louvre. "We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States too, he declared. "I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred pictures in his lifetime, and America has at least ten thousand of each." ____________________________________________ A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside and began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?" He replied still in agony, "That feels great, but it doesn't do a thing for my thumb. The thumb still hurts like it was smashed!" ____________________________________________ Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech sup: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah.... Tech sup: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... Tech sup: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, April 12 in 1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne. 1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag. 1770 The British Parliament repealed the Townsend Acts. 1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement against the colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle of Saints, off Dominica. 1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine. 1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment, Washington. 1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe. 1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting America's Civil War. 1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort Pillow, in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union troops there. 1877 A catcher's mask was used in a baseball game for the first time by James Alexander Tyng. 1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the U.S. to use voting machines. 1905 The Hippodrome opened in New York City. 1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris flight in three hours and 56 minutes. 1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed at Parrel, Mexico. 1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women voting rights. 1934 F. Scott Fitzgerald novel "Tender Is the Night" was first published. 1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a marriage license was enacted in New York. 1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin the strategic bombing of Japan. 1945 In New York, the organization of the first eye bank, the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced. 1945 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt died in Warm Spring, GA. He died of a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 63. Harry S Truman became president. 1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk was "safe, effective and potent." 1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to orbit the Earth. 1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful civil rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL. 1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight. 1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around the Falkland Islands. 1982 Three CBS employees were shot to death in a New York City parking lot. 1983 Harold Washington was elected the first black mayor of Chicago. 1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made the first satellite repair in orbit by returning the Solar Max satellite to space. 1984 Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked the previous evening by four Arab terrorists. All the passengers were rescued and 2 of the hijackers were killed. 1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator to fly in space as the shuttle Discovery lifted off from Cape Canaveral, FL. 1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. base killed 17 people. 1985 Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not unicorns. They were goats with horns that had been surgically implanted. 1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co. 1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically altered mouse. It was the first patent for a life form. 1988 The Chinese government named a new array of younger leaders to ensure economic reform. 1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first time since World War II. The ration was prompted by a sugar shortage. 1992 Disneyland Paris opened in Marne-La-Vallee, France. 1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and Herzegovina. 2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities in Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful" heroin ring. 2000 Robert Cleaves, 71, was convicted of second degree murder and was sentenced to 16 years in prison. Cleaves had repeatedly run over Arnold Guerreiro on September 30, 1998 with his car after the two had an argument. 2000 Israel's High Court ordered the release of eight Lebanese detainees that had been held for years without a trial. 2002 A first edition version of Beatrix Potter's "Peter Rabbit" sold for $64,780 at Sotheby's. A signed first edition of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" sold for $66,630. A copy of "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," signed by J.K. Rowling sold for $16,660. A 250-piece collection of rare works by Charles Dickens sold for $512,650. 2002 It was announced that the South African version of "Sesame Street" would be introducing a character that was HIV-positive. 2002 JCPenney Chairman Allen Questrom rang the opening bell to start the business day at the New York Stock Exchange as part of the company's centennial celebrations. James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store on April 14, 1902. 2021 Do smiled. |
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