Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, June 9 ___________________________________________________ Today, June 9 in 1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the U.S. Congress. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Creep blew his hand off with homemade explosives intended for hot cheer leaders ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand. --- Frank Herbert (1920 - 1986) _____________________________________________________ Two guys, Norm and Kurt, are training in the art of parachuting. At 12 000 feet, they jump out of the plane. By pulling the yellow cord, the parachute should unfold. This happens to Norm. Gently he floats in the air. Unfortunately this doesn't happen to Kurt, no matter how hard he pulls the yellow string, nothing happens. He's fallen straight down to earth. Norm shouts to him: 'Don't make a fuss of it, it's just a practice jump!' __________________________________________ __________________________________________ The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently reard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother being gone." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cole Carini 23, Richlands, Virginia USA Creep blew his hand off with homemade explosives intended for hot cheer leaders Cole Carini is accused of lying to the FBI about making homemade explosive that accidentally exploded and destroyed his hand. (Picture: Western Virginia Regional Jail Facebook) A man apparently enraged by his lack of success with women planned to use homemade explosives in an attack on hot cheerleaders but he ended up blowing off his hand, authorities said. Cole Carini, 23, was charged in federal court in connection with the plot on Friday after he allegedly lied to FBI agents and said his horrific injuries were the the result of a lawnmower accident. Carini made the statements to police at a hospital in Richlands, Virginia, where he had a hand and several fingers amputated, as well as shrapnel wounds to his neck and throat. When asked if he remembered what happened to put him in the hospital, Carini told the agents that he was mowing his yard and the mower flipped over in such a way that it (dragged) his hands into the blades and because the blades were spinning so fast it acted like a bomb, investigators wrote in the criminal complaint. However, authorities later said that it was an actual bomb that left Carini severely injured. Agents searched his home and found a trail of blood which led them to a blood-covered bedroom with walls and the ceiling covered in blood and pieces of human flesh. A set of blinds had been also been destroyed by shrapnel, investigators said. Authorities then found explosive chemicals and a box of rusty nails, which they believed were intended to use as shrapnel, as well as other bomb-making items like PVC pipes and hot plates. Agents also noted that the six- inch-high grass at the home did not appear to be recently cut. Agents searched a nearby shed and found a letter that discussed a suicide bomber walking through a shopping mall, hiding 'deadly objects' to target a 'stage of hot cheerleaders.' -------------- Lots of kids fool around with explosives. I know, I did. From an age of 8 years on, I was the "Stumper" in our village. When old trees were taken down, nobody wanted to ruin their saws with dirty stumps, so they called me to come blow up the stumps. I knew some tricks to do it safely, and never got hurt and never damaged nearby buildings. When I came to Canada and homesteaded in the Yukon, I got myself a blasting permit and used it for road work and excavating rocks. Explosives are just an easy and safe tool, if one reads the instructions and uses common sense. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Actual Covid data Dear Webby, All the data about the Corona virus infections seem to be slanted one way or another, and phony as hell. Is there a site, that has reasonably accurate data? Brenda Dear Brenda Try https://ncov2019.live/ It takes a bit of getting used to it, because it has data for the entire world. Look for your country, then your state or province. Then click on the star at the left to turn it orange. That causes it to be on top next time you come back. You can star half a dozen location. Most locations show a number for Confirmed, Changes, Critical, Deceased, Changes today, tests completed, Active, Recovered. All that data gives you a pretty good idea of what is happening at that location. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out- of-shape kindergarten teacher. "I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than an hour," she said. _____________________________________________ A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." _____________________________________________ The following are purported to be actual comments made by NYC teachers on their report cards as part of their final narratives. All teachers were reprimanded, but these are great! 1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. 6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together ____________________________________________ 911 CALLS - The following exchanges are taken from transcripts of 911 calls: Caller: "I'd like to make a unanimous complaint, so don't use my name." Caller: "I'm reporting a deer on the road. I almost hit it." Call-taker: "Is the deer alive?" Caller: "Oh, no, it's run over. Many, many cars. Again and again, and - OH NO!!! NOT AGAIN!" Caller: "Am I talking to a real person, or is this a recording?" Caller: "We might (cough) need the fire department here (cough)." Caller: "Is it okay for a civilian to take a person to the hospital, or does the ambulance have to do it?" Caller: "He's not breathing!" Call-taker: "Can you get the phone close to him? Caller: "WHY? You want to hear he's not breathing, too?" Call-taker: "Does she have any weapons?" Caller: "Well, she has real long finger nails." Call-taker: "We'll need a description of him." Caller: "He's a lawyer." Complaint about a stolen mailbox: Call-taker: "What is your address?" Caller: "It's gone." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 9 in 1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile. 1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he named Saint Lawrence. 1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It was the first American book to be copyrighted. 1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the first published "dime novel." 1861 Mary Ann "Mother" Bickerdyke began working in Union hospitals. 1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft design. 1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies cartoon "The Wise Little Hen." 1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS George Washington, was launched. 1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black men from the Mormon priesthood. 1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base" mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two months. 1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. Which was BS. They just wanted a different contractor for the boosters. At that speed the wind would have turned the flame from a leak straight back, and it would not have affected the tiles on the shuttle. The real cause was a failure of the hydrogen turbine punmp inside the shuttle. 1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over Kosovo. 2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a border-enforcement team. 2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift and estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased out over 10 years. 2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was performed. It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells. 2020 Do smiled. |
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