Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, September 6 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck, then jumps into ocean to sober up, arrested with .214 and booze in truck  ______________________________________________________ Today, September 6 in 1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England to settle in the New World. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. [info][add][mail][note]Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: Tom was in his early 50s retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. "Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic. You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it." "Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?" They said, "Good morning, General." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them." ______________________________________________________   Big fish, or small submarine? _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 _____________________________________________________ Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a transient state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Nicholas Tralka, 31, Duck Key, Florida  Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck, then jumps into ocean to sober up, arrested with .214 and booze in truck  A drunken man led Monroe County sheriff's deputies on a high- speed chase early Sunday, eventually crashing his pickup truck into the entrance sign for Duck Key and jumping into the ocean, authorities said. Deputies on a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission boat whisked him from the water, but not before the man tried to elude authorities by hiding under a bridge, clinging to a piling, said Adam Linhardt, a spokesman for the Monroe County Sheriff's Department. After his rescue, he reportedly told deputies that the morning's events would make for "a great story" to tell his friends and family. Nicholas Tralka, 31, faces a number of charges, including driving while under the influence, causing property damage and resisting arrest. Linhardt said a deputy saw a pickup truck leave a bar along the Overseas Highway in Marathon at a high rate of speed just before 4 a.m. Before the deputy could attempt a traffic stop, Tralka slammed into a concrete median and kept going, Linhardt said. Deputies gave chase as Tralka reached speeds of more than 100 mph and swerved erratically across the northbound lanes of the Overseas Highway, Linhardt said. Deputies deployed tire spikes near mile marker 60.5 to stop the truck, but Tralka kept driving eventually crashing into a light pole and a palm tree and finally rolling into the Duck Key entrance sign, Linhardt said. When the truck finally came to a stop, Tralka bailed out of the vehicle and jumped over a nearby seawall, according to the arrest report. Deputies repeatedly called out for Tralka to stop, but he kept swimming toward Toms Harbor Channel Bridge, where he hid from authorities for about 30 minutes, the report said. A fisherman alerted deputies that Tralka was under the bridge, staying afloat by holding onto piling, the report said. Tralka eventually surrendered and was pulled aboard the FWC boat by Key Colony Beach police officers, the report said. A search of Tralka's truck found three empty 100 milliliter bottles of Fireball whiskey along with a full one, Linhardt said. Tralka told deputies that he had been drinking and got scared. "I f***ed up. I'm sorry," he told deputies, according to the arrest report. Deputies said Tralka would alternate between apologizing and bragging about his high-speed antics, the report said. Once arrested, Tralka resisted taking a blood alcohol test, saying "I'm already going to jail, so why?" the report said. When deputies tested Tralka's blood alcohol level, it was .214 -- more than double the legal limit of .08. 
  From: Irene Re: 65,000 Search Engines  Dear Webby, I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for $129. Is that a good deal? Irene  Dear Irene How many different search engines do you use? One? Two? How many different search engines do your clients use? Search for example for recognize a spoof on Google, Bing, MSN, Yahoo. They all will show you relevant and useful answers, and there is no need to check any other search engines. In addition to that, the better search engines totally ignore submissions, especially from paid submission services. If you know of any search engine that specializes on your topic and is used by your clients, you can try submitting your site to that one. Have FUN DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce." 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Your Sandwich Fixings Try keeping most of your sandwich making items in a plastic basket in your refrigerator. Not only does this save multiple trips to and from opening the door each time but your kids won't require much help at snack time! By Melody  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________    
 
The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology 
 ___________________________________________________ "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I'll fix it for you." About ten minutes later she showed up at his door... with the electrical cord in her right hand. ____________________________________________________  
 Today, September 6 in 1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England to settle in the New World. 1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe. It had been in use for centuries, but never patented. 1837 The Oberlin Collegiate Institute of Ohio went co- educational. 1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San Francisco was completed. 1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk. 1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz. Czolgosz, an American anarchist, was executed the following October. 1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months earlier. 1939 South Africa declared war on Germany. 1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only applied to Jews over the age of 6. 1944 At the end of World War II, the British government relaxed blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for the Home Guard. 1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting. 1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament. 1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country without permission would be put in prison for life. 1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the independence of the Baltic states. 1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the Great. The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to Leningrad (1924). 1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a transplanted baboon liver. 1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they were merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the following December. 1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate Ethics Committee. 2008 The Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) announced that Fannie Mae (Federal National Mortgage Association) and Freddie Mac (Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation) would be placed in government conservatorship. 2018 Do smiled. 
 https://youtu.be/18kmeHF_WX0 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog