Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, April 13 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Murder by car in Tucson ___________________________________________________ On April 13 in 1990, The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously blamed the massacre on the Nazis. So they built a memorial at Katyn and invited all the intelligentia of Poland for the grand opening. That plane crashed near Katyn, killed all passengers and crew. __________________________________________________ Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. --- Billy Crystal (1947 - ) Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Chance only favors a prepared mind. --- Louis Pasteur ____________________________________________________ Chicago Sun-Times, reported the following: ''News Item: Psychiatrists explore ways to treat Jerusalem Syndrome, in which as many as 1 in 100 pilgrims to Jerusalem imagine they are biblical figures, dress up in hotel bedsheets, sing psalms at the top of their lungs and preach to passersby. Psychiatrists want to take all the fun out of being a pilgrim.'' ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ ===From Chateau Miaou According to the Journal of Medicine five times more money was spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. It follows that in 30 years there will be great numbers of people walking around with huge breasts and erections, unable to remember what to do with them. ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ >From Connie Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in Mexico?" I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews." "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews." "Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!" ____________________________________________________ Al Capp, creator of the famous comic strip Lil Abner, was one day invited to a university to give a lecture to the students. Before he could begin speaking to the large group assembled in the auditorium a very unkempt-looking student at the back shouted a vulgar word at him. The word rang in everyone's ears. There was a shocked silence but Capp, keeping his composure, said, "Now that you've given us your name, what's your question?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elaine Boone, 20, Tucson, Arizona, USA Murder by car in Tucson The Tucson Police Department arrested a 20-year-old woman accused of killing a 79-year-old man in a hit-and-run wreck. Officers claim Elaine Vernette Boone hit Anthony Ames at a parking lot on North Columbus Boulevard Friday, March 25. Boone was booked into the Pima County Jail on a $501,500 bond. She faces charges including aggravated assault with a dangerous instrument, aggravated assault with serious injuries and second-degree homicide. She was also booked on two outstanding warrants. Police say Boone intentionally hit Ames and another woman in the parking lot after an argument. Her phony city girl smile will go away, when they show her the newly refurbished execution chamber! ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Enid Re: 400 Error fix Dear Webby Tell Brit that she really nailed the perps who cause the 400 error: Schdooopid Bastids! Thanks for your trick! It worked instantly! So instantly, at first I did not believe it. So I tried all the sites, I had been blocked out of. Thank you very much! Enid Dear Enid You are welcome! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ A man is sitting alone in his office one night when a genie pops out of his ashtray and says, "And what will your third wish be?" The man looks at the genie and says, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie says, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," says the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women." "Funny," says the genie as it grants his wish and disappears forever. "That was your first wish, too." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Little Harold was practing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake. can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!" ______________________________________________ Two elderly women were trying on shoes in a store. When Joe slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of his tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of his predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, Joe was crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "He wants to go home with you!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains from Luisiana, who had been friends for years, would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A new crewman asked his captain, "Hey, Pierre, why you do dat?" The captain looked surprised and replied, "Sacri Bleu, you dumb Cajun, your mother not read ta bible to you? You never hear of 'an aye for an aye an a toot for a toot' ?" ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 13, in 1598, King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes which granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots. 1759, The French defeated the European allies in Battle of Bergen. 1775, Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act to South Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country other than Britain and Ireland. That did not go over well. 1782, Washington, NC, was incorporated as the first town to be named for George Washington. 1796, The first known elephant arrived in the United States from Bengal, India. 1808, William "Juda" Henry Lane perfected the tap dance. 1829, The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to Catholics. 1849, The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed. 1860, The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a westbound rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph, MO. 1861, After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held Fort Sumter surrenders to Confederates. 1870, The Metropolitan Museum of Art was founded in New York City. 1916, The first hybrid seed corn was purchased for 15-cents a bushel by Samuel Ramsay. 1933, The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by Lord Clydesdale. 1941, German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia. 1943, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt dedicated the Jefferson Memorial. 1945, After the US had bombed it flat, Vienna fell to Soviet troops. 1949, Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 1959, A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from voting for Communists. Now they got a Communist pope, because poor people donte more to the church. 1960, The first navigational satellite was launched into Earth's orbit. 1961, The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to apartheid. 1962, In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced price increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been applying pressure against the price increases. 1964, Sidney Poitier became the first black to win an Oscar for best actor. It was for his role in the movie "Lilies of the Field." 1970, An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a planned moon landing. 1976, The U.S. Federal Reserve introduced $2 bicentennial notes. 1979, The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after 101 hours. 1981, Washington Post reporter Janet Cooke received a Pulitzer Prize for her feature about an 8-year-old heroin addict named "Jimmy." Cooke relinquished the prize two days later after admitting she had fabricated the story. 1984, U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to El Salvador without congressional approval. 1984, Christopher Walker was killed in a fight with police in New Hampshire. Walker was wanted as a suspect in the kidnappings of 11 young women in several states. 1990, The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously blamed the massacre on the Nazis. 1998, NationsBank and BankAmerica announced a $62.5 billion merger, creating the country's first coast-to-coast bank. 1998, Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural birth to a healthy baby lamb. 1999, Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes" in 1998. 2000, Richard Gordon was charged with trying to extort $250,000 from Louie Anderson in exchange for not telling the tabloid media about Anderson once asking him for sex. Gordon was held without bail pending a court hearing. 2000, It was announced that 69 people had died when the Arlahada, a Philippine ferry, capsized. 70 people were rescued. 2002, Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were wounded when grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic guerrillas near Jammu-Kashir. 2002, Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned a day after taking office. Thousands of protesters had protested over the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 2007, Google announced that it had acquired the advertising service company DoubleClick for $3.1 billion. 2022 Do smiled. |
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