Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, November 2 There were some complications with my eyes. Prior to the planned injections I had to put antibiotic drops into my left eye 4 gimes a day for a week, Then on Tuesday I finally got the injections into the eyeballs. Usable vision is now slowly returning. Many Thanks go to Elisabeth, who drove me to Calgary and back. __________________________________________________ Thank you, Mickey ____________________________________________________ History: Today, Nov 2, in 1930, The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic rubber. It was named DuPrene. __________________________________________________ Q There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option. --- Jeph Jacques You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ BONEHEAD AWARD Arkansas Man Caught In The Act With Stuffed Animal _______________________________________________________ A 16-year-old girl buys herself a very skimpy bikini. Modeling it for her mother, she asks: "So, Mom, what do you think?" Her mother replies, "I think that if I had worn that when I was your age, you'd be five years older!" ___________________________________________________ A fellow who was discussing his health with his doctor after his annual physical. "You had a great checkup," said the doc. "Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" " Well," said the man, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor 17 to 2." _____________________________________________________ A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June," he said. "She left me $10,000 to remember her by and help with my greif." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died. He was generous though, leaving me $50,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died. She left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad...." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!" ________________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: _______________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN. 2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. 3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. 4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. 5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. 6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. 7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. 8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. 9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE. 10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. 11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR. 12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. 2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. 3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. 4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. 5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. 6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. 7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. 8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY. 9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. _________________________________________________ Not Scared ___________________________________________________ A minister, having served the same church for many years, decides to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone about his decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waits until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church. When he speaks to the congregation he says, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church." As he sits down, the choir stands and begins to sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: Left wing quotes Dear Webby, I have a question for you. This is our little dog we had to put down lately. I want to print this obit out, but when I do it from here, it makes a mess of the words wonât & wasnât . It puts in the a & E smybol & TM, for the little collon thing???? so frustrated, why wonât it print as it sees it right?? How can I get it to print it as I see it properly? Thanks for your help & all the good page you put out. TC, Betty Dear Betty If you download and install Open Office or Office Libre, then I can type it into that and send it to you for printing. Your problem is that whoever wrote that, used a Microsoft program, that uses silly "liberal" (left leaning) quotes, which, as you noticed, look rather stupid on standard programs. Instead of won't you get wonâ There IS a way to make Microsoft Word use standard quotes instead of liberal left wing quotes. Instructions for that are here: Turn Off Liberal Quotes Have FUN! DearWebby _______________________________________________________ A circus owner walked into a bar to find everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "That's strange" said the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" ___________________________________________________ Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. ________________________________________________ To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little twice a week. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ Are all yall crazy toilet peper hoarders going to go nuts on lightbulbs, in case the power goes out? ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award Has Been Reported By Rock Theodore Morgavan, 55, Midway, Arkansas, USA Arkansas Man Caught In The Act With Stuffed Animal If the car is a rockin, dont bother knockin'. Because the guy inside may be trysting with a stuffed animal. An Arkansas cop last Sunday morning spotted a suspicious car parked outside a commercial storage facility that has been broken into 16 times this year (and 36 times in 2022). A sheriffs deputy noted that the vehicle in question was seen rocking around 12:45 AM. When the cop looked inside the auto, he spotted Theodore Morgavan, 55, having sex with a stuffed animal. Morgavan, a divorced father of three, lives about a mile away from the storage facility in Midway (pop. 1036). Since Morgavan is on probation, cops were able to search him and his auto without the need for a warrant. According to a probable cause affidavit, that search turned up methamphetamine, a syringe, and two marijuana pipes. Seen above, Morgavan was charged with two felony drug charges and misdemeanor counts of public sexual indecency and possession of drug paraphernalia. At his arraignment today, Morgavan, who is free on $5000 bond, entered a not guilty plea. He is next due in court on October 30. Morgavan was convicted earlier this year on narcotics and theft charges and placed on probation for two years and fined $1690. _________________________________________________ History On November 2, in 1721, Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed his title to emperor. 1776, During the American Revolutionary War, William Demont, became the first traitor of the American Revolution when he deserted. 1783, U.S. Gen. George Washington gave his "Farewell Address to the Army" near Princeton, NJ. 1867, "Harpers Bazaar" magazine was founded. 1883, Thomas Edison executed a patent application for an electrical indicator using the Edison effect lamp (U.S. Pat. 307,031). 1889, North Dakota and South Dakota were admitted into the union as the 39th and 40th states. 1895, In Chicago, IL, the first gasoline powered car contest took place in America. 1917, British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed support for a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine. 1920, The first commercial radio station in the U.S., KDKA of Pittsburgh, PA, began regular broadcasting. 1921, Margaret Sanger's National Birth Control League combined with Mary Ware Denetts Voluntary Parenthood League to form the American Birth Control League. 1930, Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia. 1930, The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic rubber. It was named DuPrene. 1937, The play "I'd Rather be Right" opened in New York City. 1947, Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden airplane, for eight minutes in California. It was the plane's first and only flight. The "Spruce Goose," nicknamed because of the white-gray color of the spruce used to build it, never went into production. 1948, Harry S. Truman defeated Thomas E. Dewey for the U.S. presidency. The Chicago Tribune published an early edition that had the headline "DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN." The Truman victory surprised many polls and newspapers. 1959, Charles Van Doren, a game show contestant on the NBC-TV program "Twenty-One" admitted that he had been given questions and answers in advance. 1960, In London, the novel "Lady Chatterly's Lover," was found not guilty of obscenity. 1962, U.S. President Kennedy announced that the U.S.S.R. was dismantling the missile sites in Cuba. 1963, South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was assassinated in a military coup. 1966, The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to apply for permanent residence in the U.S. 1979, Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New Jersey prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for the 1973 murder of a New Jersey state trooper. 1983, U.S. President Ronald Reagan signed a bill establishing a federal holiday on the third Monday of January in honor of civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 1984, Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed in the U.S. since 1962. She had been convicted of the poisoning death of her boyfriend. 1985, The South African government imposed severe restrictions on television, radio and newspaper coverage of unrest by both local and foreign journalists. 1986, The 12-by-16-inch celluloid of a poison apple from Walt Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"" was purchased for $30,800. 1986, American hostage David Jacobson was released after being held in Lebanon for 17 months by Shiite Muslims kidnappers. 1989, Carmen Fasanella retired after 68 years and 243 days of taxicab service in Princeton, NJ. 1992, Magic Johnson retired from the NBA again, this time for good because of fear due to his HIV infection. 1993, The U.S. Senate called for full disclosure of Senator Bob Packwood's diaries in a sexual harassment probe. 1993, Christie Todd Whitman was elected the first woman governor of New Jersey. 1995, The play "Sacrilege" opened. 1995, The U.S. expelled Daiwa Bank Ltd. for allegedly covering up $1.1 billion in trading losses. 1998, U.S. President Clinton gave his first in-depth interview since the White House sex scandal to Black Entertainment Television talk show host and political commentator Tavis Smiley on the network's "BET Tonight with Tavis Smiley." 2001, The computer-animated movie "Monsters, Inc." opened. The film recorded the best debut ever for an animated film and the 6th best of all time. 2003, In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the church's first openly gay bishop. 2023, Do! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby
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