Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, October 12 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida shoplifter lost his pants and ID Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 12, in 1810 - Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess Therese of Saxony-Hildburghausen. The royalty invited the public to attend the event which became an annual celebration that later became known as Oktoberfest. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ England and America are two countries separated by a common language. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) "The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, HE was a genius." --- Sid Caesar "Wild horses couldn't drag a secret out of a woman. However, women seldom have lunch with wild horses." --- Ivern Boyett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ I dated this flake one time. Upon picking her up for dinner, she said, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm feeling a little schizophrenic tonight." "Good!" I said. "That makes four of us." ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Columbus Henderson, 45, Fort Lauderdale, Florida Florida shoplifter lost his pants and ID a 350-pound Florida man ran from a Walmart with two stolen TVs, but his getaway was compromised when his pants-- containing his ID--fell off as he ran away, according to cops who yesterday apprehended the suspect, who had a crack pipe stuffed with Brillo buried in his anus at the time of his 3:43 AM arrest. According to court complaints, Columbus Henderson fled from a Walmart Supercenter in Fort Lauderdale on September 26 with a pair of 40-inch Hisense televisions. Henderson, seen at right, bolted with the merchandise after he allowed a cashier to scan the $298 items. As he scooted through the parking lot, the 45-year-old Hendersons pants fell off as he ran away, according to Officer Scott Brandow. It appears that after Hendersons pants fell to his ankles, he proceeded to run right out of the garment. Police later determined that Hendersons abandoned pants contained the suspects medical identification. Investigators added, The entire incident was captured on video. It took cops about a week to catch up with Henderson, who was nabbed early Tuesday morning for grand theft, a felony. Upon arrival at the Pinellas County jail, Henderson informed officers that he had a crack pipe concealed in his anus. When officers removed him from the vehicle, the defendant had removed the crack pipe from his anus and dropped it on the ground, a patrolman reported. The glass pipe was recovered by officers who reported that it was stuffed with steel wool and had burn marks on one end (Henderson was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia). Locked up in lieu of $2150 bond, Henderson has a rap sheet that includes prior busts for aggravated battery, robbery, theft, possession of drug paraphernalia, and driving without a license. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Rita Re: soft date in spradsheet Dear Webby, my husband is using a spreadsheet as a daily log. I'm not complaining, it's a great improvement over a loose pile of cigarette packages with semi-legible scribbles. The problem is that he used a formula that puts in the current date. @(today). Every midnight each date changes to the current date. I realize, all the past dates are lost. How can I rig it so that new dates put in stay nailed down to THAT date ? Thanks Rita Dear Rita In Quattro, tell him to use CTRL D instead. That just puts the date number into the field. If that column is formatted for displaying the date, it will show as the date, but the value in the cell is a number, not a formula. In Excel it is similar, but not as easy to remember. Instead of D for Date, Excel uses the semi-colon ; CTRL ; inserts a static date that does not change. Have FUN! DearWebby This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what hap- pened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch." She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?" I said, "Of course, you can," and shut the door. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tip: Removing Ball Point Pen From Leather Try hairspray! I had a blue pen and the ink went on my fingers. I went to push the stool in and it went on the stool. I tried Jif, bleach and alcohol, they all didn't work. When it came to hairspray, it came straight off with just one wipe down. So if you have any leather that has been marked with ink, don't stop and think that it's a scar for life. Let me tell you that hairspray was the best product I ever used! By Olivia from Bexley, NSW Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A little boy who is rushing out of the house pauses in front of his father. "Dad," the boy says, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" "Son, it just wouldn't be right," his father says. "That's okay," the little fellow says. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?" | | Two cellos - Thunderstruck |
____________________________________________________ Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "uh oh." ____________________________________________________ Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again." Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says,"This year I'm taking Marie with me." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ | Today on October 12 in 1492 - Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted Watling Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had found Asia while attempting to find a Western ocean route to India. The same day he claimed the land for Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain. 1792 - The first monument honoring Christopher Columbus was dedicated in Baltimore, MD. 1810 - Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess Therese of Saxony-Hildburghausen. The royalty invited the public to attend the event which became an annual celebration that later became known as Oktoberfest. 1892 - In celebration of the 400th anniversary of the Columbus landing the original version of the Pledge of Allegiance was first recited in public schools. 1895 - In Newport, RI, the first amateur golf tournament was held. 1915 - Former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt criticized U.S. citizens who identified themselves by dual nationalities. 1920 - Construction of the Holland Tunnel began. It opened on November 13, 1927. The tunnel links Jersey City, NJ and New York City, NY. 1933 - The U.S. Department of Justice acquired Alcatraz Island from the U.S. Army. 1942 - During World War II, Attorney General Francis Biddle announced that Italian nationals in the United States would no longer be considered enemy aliens. 1945 - Private First Class Desmond T. Doss was presented with the Congressional Medal of Honor for outstanding bravery as a medical corpsman. He was the first conscientious objector in American history to win the award. 1960 - Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev pounded a shoe on his desk during a dispute at a U.N. General Assembly. 1961 - The first video memoirs by a U.S. president were made. Walter Cronkite interviewed Dwight D. Eisenhower. 1964 - The Soviet Union launched Voskhod 1 into orbit around the Earth. It was the first space flight to have a multi- person crew and the first flight to be performed without space suits. 1972 - During the Vietnam War, a racial brawl broke out aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. Nearly 50 sailors were injured. 1976 - China announced that Hua Guo-feng was named to succeed the late Mao Tse-tung as chairman of the Communist Party. 1988 - Federal prosecutors announced that the Sundstrand Corp. would pay $115 million dollars to settle with the Pentagon for overbilling airplane parts over a five-year period. 1989 - The U.S. House of Representatives approved a statutory federal ban on the destruction of the American flag. 1994 - Haitian military leader Raoul Cedras was granted political asylum by Panama. 1994 - The Magellan space probe ended its four-year mission to Venus for the purpose of mapping. 1997 - The St. Francis Basilica and 15th-century bell tower above Foligno city hall in Italy were damaged by 3 earthquakes. 1998 - The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Online Copyright Bill. 1999 - In Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf seized power in a bloodless coup that toppled Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif. The Supreme Court ruled that the coup was legal but insisted that a civilian government be restored within three years. 2001 - A special episode of America's Most Wanted was aired that focused on 22 wanted terrorists. The show was specifically requested by U.S. President George W. Bush. 2006 - The Dow Jones industrial average advanced over 11,900 for the first time. 2015 - It was announced that Dell was buying EMC for around $67 billion. 2016 Do smiled. |
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