Hi John,

How do you respond to disrespect?

We’ve learned that in the face of harsh criticism most people are stunned into silence. But what if you find yourself in a pattern where the people in your life often speak down to you? What would you say? What can you say?
How to Stand Up for Yourself
by Ryan Trimble

How can I find the strength to say what I need to say when someone does me wrong? I struggle to tell people when I’m bothered because I believe I will get in a heated argument with them and get lost for words. Sometimes my dad raises his voice at me and I just keep quiet. Sometimes a colleague will speak to me in a threatening voice and I say nothing. Sometimes someone makes my child cry and I still say nothing, and so on. These often feel like life-or-death situations, and afterward I blame myself for being weak. Sometimes I so badly regret not speaking up that I can’t even sleep at night, playing over and over in my head what I should have said. What can I do?

Signed,
Timid

When you say you lack “strength” to speak up, what I hear is you lack confidence. One way to increase confidence is to develop skills. As your ability to do a behavior increases, your confidence to do it also increases.

The other way to increase confidence is to address your thinking. Are there beliefs or attitudes contributing to your lack of confidence? Unless your thinking changes, your behavior is unlikely to shift by much, whether you practice new behaviors or not.

So, let’s start there.
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Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.
 
—Ralph Waldo Emerson