| When I was 10 years old my father became a full-blown alcoholic.
I’m not sure why his demons drove him to drink, but alcohol destroyed his marriage and caused 20 years of tension in our home.
Yet for some reason his drinking didn’t prevent me from starting.
I became a binge drinker around the age of 16.
Every weekend there would be a house party, where I’d drink 8-10 bottles of Molson Canadian (horrible swill!).
I’d wake up deathly hungover on Saturday at 7:45am – just in time to rush off for an exhausting 8-hour workday at the garden center.
At University, the behavior continued... with my friends and I sometimes stringing back-to-back-to-back bender nights beginning on Wednesday or Thursday.
Things calmed down around 25…
When I finished my Master’s Degree, began writing for Men’s Health magazine, and started personal training full-time.
But for the next few years I often still had one or two nights each month where I’d drink far too much and waste the next day on the couch... and it would take until Wednesday before I was feeling 100%.
This was one of the causes of my anxiety attacks which sent me to the ER twice in 2006.
Something had to give...
I could continue down the painful path or I could change my life.
Here are 2 tips that changed my life:
#1 – Systematically remove all bad habit triggers from your daily life
I didn’t ever drink to relieve stress... or because I’d had a bad day.
I was a “party time” drinker and nothing else. If my friends weren’t getting together to celebrate, then I wanted nothing to do with booze.
My triggers were party invites and nothing else.
If your lack of productivity is a problem because you jump on your phone too quickly in the morning…
Then the solution is leaving your phone in airplane mode... using a regular alarm clock to get out of bed… and setting up your workstation so that you make progress before you succumb to the “time bandit” of checking your phone.
If you have triggers that lead to destructive behaviors you need to systematically eliminate them.
For more specific strategies that can make this easy (and dare I say fun!)...
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#2 – Fix Your Identity
It wasn’t until nearly a decade after I conquered drinking that I discovered this last – and possibly most powerful – step for overcoming bad habits.
In 2011 I wrote an essay about my “12 Rules for Living”. These ended up in the Perfect Day Formula.
One of my rules was:
“I am a polite and courteous British Gentleman. I do not curse or swear.”
Why?
I grew up a rough and tumble farm boy.
I didn’t want to be that way.
In 2007 I met a man named Barry Dunlop through my first business Mastermind. Barry (an Irishman living in England) was polite, charming, courteous, and loved by everyone.
That’s what I wanted to be!
So thanks to his influence I began to change my identity.
I gave up swearing... then in elevators I started putting my phone away and greeting everyone that stepped in... simple habits that shifted my identity and long-term behaviors.
Goodbye “poor broke farm boy”... hello “polite, courteous, respectful businessman.”
Back to my drinking...
I didn’t hit the bottle out of stress, what caused me to drink so much at social events was my lack of social skills (which I wrote off as “being an introvert”).
“I’m uncomfortable talking with strangers... I can’t mingle or schmooze without the booze!
I’m an introvert. That’s my excuse for acting out. Nothing I can do. Poor me.”
This negative self-talk destroyed my self-confidence, which in turn led me to the only tool left in my social toolbox – alcohol.
But I couldn’t stop at one and for a long time I was left with the binary decision of either:
a) Go and get drunk
b) Don’t go at all
Neither was sustainable.
Avoiding toxic people and places can only get you so far...
Eventually you’ll find yourself in the wrong situation at the wrong time, and you’ll need strategies – and more importantly – an identity shift that gets you through your challenges.
If you binge eat dessert, you can’t avoid eating dinner for the rest of your life.
If you struggle to get up each morning, you can’t rely on four alarms spread out throughout your house (I know some people that actually do this!)
You have to establish a new identity:
“I’m the type of person that gets up and doesn’t hit snooze.”
Or
“I’m the type of person that has control over food and eats right for my health.”
Essentially... in order to build the self-confidence you need to shift the identity over time, you must constantly make small promises to yourself and keep them.
As James Clear wrote in Atomic Habits:
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”
Here’s the real formula for change:
Make a promise to yourself.
Keep a promise to yourself.
Repeat ad infinitum.
Change isn’t instant.
But if you commit to change, you’ll be shocked at what you can achieve over time when you set yourself up for success.
I guarantee these 2 steps will move mountains and can change the entire trajectory of your life.
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Success Loves Speed,
Craig |
