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Martin: 'Time to have the unpleasant issues chat...'
Protect yourself & loved ones from the 3Ds... Death, Divorce, Dementia

Free wills | Power of Attorney | Do a financial factsheet | Life insurance | Funeral plans | Online photos on death | Equity release | And more...

Three women once came up to me after a talk. It's a while ago now, but it's still vividly seared into my memory. All were in their 40s to 50s. They weren't together, but one after another, each told me they'd very recently lost their husbands and were desperate: "I'm in dire straits, where do I start?"

Their partners were caring men, who'd hoped to ease their wife's burden by dealing with all the family finances. Yet that kindness was a curse. It loaded financial misery on to grief, leaving them inexperienced and ill-equipped for a solo financial future.

One, whose husband was will-less, was struggling even to access 'his' money to pay the mortgage. This isn't a gender issue, it could've equally been true in reverse. The problem is a lack of communication and preparation for one of many possible changes of circumstance.

What I'm about to explain isn't pleasant, but it is important. The financial and emotional cost to loved ones of ignoring this can be dire.

So whether with parents or children, I'd encourage you to have the 'unpleasant issues' chat. I wouldn't frame it that way, but being candid, blunt & as unemotional as possible. And perhaps the odd eye may tear, that's fine, it just means they love you...

1. Free Wills. If you've assets such as a house, savings or a business, and people you'd like to look after when you're gone, consider a will. My timing of writing this isn't coincidental. There are two schemes on at this time of year that get you a solicitor-drafted will - which is the gold standard, normally costing £100s - for free or cheap. With both, go for an appointment sooner, as they're getting booked up quickly.

And for many a will is important, as Margaret tweeted: "My friend just passed away. A single parent with a child of 11. No will or wishes for her daughter. Now a custody battle with her brother and a boyfriend for the daughter and a house."

- October is Free Wills Month (over-54s). There are two Free Wills Months a year, covering different locations. It's for those aged 55 or over, doing a single will, or couples doing 'mirror wills' (ie, that are nearly identical) where one is 55+. It's totally free, as it's run by charities, in the hope you'll leave them a bequest (something in your will).

The October event includes Birmingham, Belfast, Bristol, Cardiff, Cornwall, Manchester, Newcastle, Stoke, Swansea and many more (see the full list). If it's not on in your area now (for example, there's nowhere in Scotland this time), it's likely you'll be covered by March Free Wills Month.

- November is Will Aid month (all ages). Will Aid month is a much bigger scheme, it runs across the UK and is open to anyone age 18+. Solicitors give time for simple wills in return for a suggested £100 donation (£180 for couples) spread across nine charities, including Age UK and Save the Children. This is likely far cheaper than normal. If you can't afford it, you can give less, but don't game it as it is for charity.

Full help and an explanation of your rights, how to get a will, and what happens if you die intestate (will-less) in our Cheap & free wills guide.

2. Live together but not married? Get a will, a contract, a civil partnership or tie the knot - your relationship means nowt in law. I don't care if you've been together 82 years and have 17 children, if you're not married or in a civil partnership, your relationship usually has no status under inheritance law. So if your partner dies, the other one may not get the house, even if they've lived in it for years. So a will can be even more important here.

In addition, it's worth considering a cohabitation agreement, which spells out what happens if your relationship breaks down.

3. One in three will develop dementia. In my view, a Power of Attorney (PoA) is often more crucial than a will. Like many, I've felt the pain of seeing close loved ones suffer the ravages of dementia. It's horrid. And while there's little that can be done to stop it, there are things that can be done to make life easier if and when it does happen.

I'm only 50 (yes, I know I look younger - thanks for thinking that). While I have no reason to foresee losing mental capacity for hopefully decades at least, I do have a Lasting Power of Attorney set up, in case.

Without a PoA, lose your faculties through dementia, stroke, accident or 'owt else, and sorting your finances is less clear-cut than if you'd died. Don't assume relatives can walk into the bank & access your money - not even to pay for your care, or the mortgage.

To take charge of your affairs, someone would need to apply via the Court of Protection - this is a hassle and costly. I've heard many nightmares, people deeply regretting they didn't sort things sooner, like Bridget on Facebook: "My father was suffering with dementia when my mother died. She did everything and he was lost. One day he didn't know his ATM PIN, got flustered and the bank suspended his account. He was unable to do anything. We applied to the Court of Protection. It's horrendously expensive and extremely slow. He died before we got anywhere. Make sure a PoA is in place."

With a PoA, you nominate a trusted friend or relative to look after your affairs if needed. This DOESN'T mean giving up control now - you can opt for it only to come into effect if you're no longer capable.

The cost of registering a PoA is £80 to £150, yet most people will want help to do it. A solicitor is again the gold standard, but can cost £200 to £500. One alternative is a Which? Wills* deal, which we've blagged a discount on. Usually it costs £139, but via this link it is £97. More help and options in Lasting Power of Attorney.

4. Are you hurting your partner by looking after the finances? Share the info and, even better, the burden. In a Twitter poll I did today, after 30,000 votes nearly 80% of couples said one partner dominates doing the financial chores and sorting the money.

And with half of those, one person just does it all, like Rachibelles who replied: "@MartinSLewis I do it all... I always tell my hubby I could be squirrelling away a fortune to run away with my fancy man and he wouldn't have a clue!" (PS: She was happy for me to publish this, as it 'might teach my other half a lesson'.)

7. Funeral costs. Want to pay for your funeral now? Even the most basic funeral can cost over £4,000 all-in. So that and wanting to save your loved ones some of the stress of organising it are some of the big sells used by the prepaid funeral sector to try to get people to sign up.

The good news at least is finally, since July this year, the sector is now regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority, meaning tighter fairness rules.

One advantage of funeral plans is you can lock in the price now. Yet funeral plans don't include things like burial plots, headstone, flowers, embalming and the costs involved in a wake. Our Funeral plans guide takes you through it in more detail.

8. Consider saving a life when you're gone. In England, Scotland and Wales, you're automatically considered willing to be an organ donor unless you opt out. Yet it's good to ensure your family know your decision in advance, and to register it officially: England/Wales registration or Scotland registration. In Northern Ireland, until 2023, you still need to opt in to register as a donor.

9. What happens to your online photos and social media when you die? It sounds trivial, but this could include documents, all your photos, social media accounts and more that your loved ones may need to go to court to access. MSE Kelvin has written a great blog on protecting your digital life for death.

10. Later life care. What should happen. I don't have resources or expertise on this. Yet it is worth throwing it into your unpleasant issues discussion. If you (or perhaps your parents) are no longer physically or mentally capable of looking after yourself, how would you like to be cared for, and what resources are there for your care?