So farewell then, Troy Deeney. The outspoken footballer/coach/pundit/rent-a-quote has been sacked by Forest Green Rovers, ending one of the least illustrious managerial spells in history. Deeney has been ushered out of the door marked Do One (Stroud railway station, five miles) after six games and zero wins in 29 days. Having first rocked up in Nailsworth as player-coach in August, Deeney was put in charge on 20 December after the previous manager, David Horseman, was humanely disposed of. He in turn had replaced Duncan Ferguson, another high-profile appointment that failed spectacularly. Might interim head coach Hannah Dingley have fared better than the two men that followed her? With four wins in 26 league games between them, the bar is lower than the club’s gas bill.

Before his first game in charge, Deeney said: “We may be 91st out of 92 league clubs at present but I am determined to make an immediate impact.” By the time Rovers faced Swindon a week later, they were 92nd – and Deeney was shown a red card during a 2-1 defeat. Owner Dale Vince promised January investment to get the club “looking upward once more, toward League One and beyond,” but after a home draw with Wimbledon, Deeney didn’t seem so sure. “In my head [this] was 18 months down the line, not a random Wednesday in December,” he chirped. “They understand that I’m going to make mistakes but we’ve stripped it down to a basic level of understanding.” Something clearly got lost in translation, because after Saturday’s home defeat to Harrogate, Deeney delivered a masterclass in how not to motivate a struggling squad.

In a post-match interview for the ages, Deeney compared his squad to infants and prison inmates, and said he would “rather watch Antiques Roadshow” than his team. Deeney saved his cruellest critique for Fankaty Dabo, a player who received racist abuse after missing a penalty for Coventry in the Championship playoff final. “Six months ago that kid had a kick to go to the Premier League. Now he won’t get a game in the National League,” Deeney roared. “It looks like he kicks the ball with his shin pads … He is faster than everybody but gets ran past every game.” The backlash was even faster. Chris Sutton called the verbal attack on Dabo “disgraceful”, and Vince wasn’t impressed either. “It’s not the way to coach a team of people,” he mused. “It was harsh, it was wrong. I think it was a mistake.” To be fair, mistakes were what Deeney had promised – and he tried in vain to row back on the comments.

“Every now and again my emotions get the better of me – but it’s because I love so hard,” he wept. Within 48 hours, Deeney was all out of love, via the medium of a short club statement. Perhaps a four-game touchline ban for his red card at Swindon, dished out on Wednesday, proved the final paper straw for Vince. Having earned the ban on his debut, Deeney didn’t stick around long enough to serve it. Every cloud and all that. In the end, he fell 15 days short of the two most reliable yardsticks for crashing and burning: Brian Clough’s infamous 44-day stint at Leeds, and Liz Truss being left in charge of the country for 1,057 hours. The question is: could a shop-bought iceberg lettuce last longer than Deeney did? At this point, we wouldn’t bet against Vince trying to find out. But with Forest Green seven points from safety and on a run of 10 wins in 72 league games, it is Houdini, not Troy Deeney, who is needed at the New Lawn.

“I said six months ago that if I offended anyone or let them down, I apologise. My beliefs have never changed, never will. I haven’t changed as a person” – Jordan Henderson, at his Ajax unveiling, reveals that his non-apology apology stance with the LGBTQ+ community hasn’t changed since the summer either.

It’s a big one in Afcon as reigning champions Senegal take on Cameroon. Join John Brewin for the red-hot 0-0 draw (well, it is Friday) at 5pm GMT.

Thanks for the timely reference to Kurupt FM (yesterday’s Football Daily). Many is the time I’ve watched John O’Shea play in defence or Darwin Núñez sky a volley (or read Football Daily) and thought: ‘Yup, people just do nothing …’” – Mike Wilner.

Why should Ivan Toney pretend he is suddenly disinterested in the chance of playing for a title challenger (yesterday’s Football Daily)? Harry Kane was mocked by many as unambitious for staying so long at Tottenham. Brentford have been very good for Toney, but he’s been exceptional for Brentford as well. As a Bees fan, if he helps us stay up this season, you couldn’t begrudge him a move in the summer … for the right price” – Russell Wallman.

Re: Roger Noble’s letter on VAR (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). Hang on just a second. Is this the worst alias ever from another Noble known to write frequently in to this email? I think we need to know” – Patrick Fahy-Noble (and 1,056 others).

Send your letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Russell Wallman, who lands a copy of The Africa Cup of Nations: The History of an Underappreciated Tournament, published by Pitch Publishing. Visit their football book store here.

Yes, it’s Manchester United great Bebé, further embellishing his legend with this 40-yard free-kick for Cape Verde in their 3-0 win over Mozambique at Afcon. The result could well mean bad news for either Egypt or Ghana.

Steven Gerrard has just been handed a two-year contract extension at Al-Ettifaq because he’s, erm, done such a good job, right? Not exactly. The Aston Villa legend’s achievements so far are: failing to get the best out of the club’s marquee signing Jordan Henderson to the extent that the renowned LGBTQ+ campaigner has already downed tools and fled for Amsterdam; getting his team to the giddy heights of ninth – just 28 points behind Saudi Pro League leaders Al-Hilal at halfway; and looking funny in a thawb. But according to Gerrard, it’s about the future that really matters. “We had to put in place new infrastructure, like building a new training ground in phases and building a new stadium,” he honked, sounding like a foreman. “But a lot has been achieved.” Yep.

The dire state of Reading’s finances have led staff to rejig training to avoid undersoil heating costs, as the League One crisis club look to “save pennies”.

Fifa has yet to act on an independent investigator’s recommendation in November that the president of the Gabonese FA should be immediately suspended, with Pierre-Alain Mounguengui currently at Afcon in Ivory Coast.

Jürgen Klopp doesn’t know the extent of Mo Salah’s apparent hamstring-twang while playing for Egypt against Ghana, or if he’ll be parcelled up and sent back to Liverpool for treatment. “It depends on the diagnostics,” sighed Klopp. “He will have ultrasound and MRI and then we will know what it is and we will see and make plans, but it’s too early [at the moment].”

South Korea’s hunt for a first Asian Cup title in 64 years has been hit by news that first-choice goalkeeper Kim Seung-gyu had been ruled out with knee-knack. “Being an athlete I know how much being injured hurts,” blabbed Jürgen Klinsmann, making it about him. “But there are 25 other players in the squad!”

Big news for Iraq, who have booked a last-16 spot by upsetting Japan 2-1.

Antoine Griezmann’s dancing feet are the talk of Madrid after helping himself to a goal in extra time and generally bossing another derby thriller as Atlético sank Real 4-2 and bounced on to the Copa del Rey quarter-finals.

Thomas Frank has confirmed that Ivan Toney is like an unlit rocket spring as he prepares to whizz-bang back into action against Nottingham Forest. “He’s bossing [it],” whooped Frank. “He’s like an eight-year old-boy, he just wants to go out and play. Just that pure joy of playing football. I’m looking into the eyes of a player who is very committed, very excited. He will start tomorrow, he will lead the team out, he’ll be the captain … he’ll be ready.”

Emma Hayes is not worried that Sam Kerr’s ACL injury will derail Chelsea’s attempt to win a fifth WSL title in a row as the season resumes. “There are top players on our team who are capable of contributing to the goals, like it was for Mia [Fishel] when she came off the bench,” cheered Hayes. “No matter who you are, everybody has to take responsibility.”

It might have to be third time lucky for Unai Emery after Aston Villa had two bids laughed off by Middlesbrough for nippy forward Morgan Rogers.

West Ham are sniffing around deals to bring in Kalvin Phillips and Emile Smith Rowe on loan from Manchester City and Arsenal, respectively.

And Bayern Munich will try to prise Kieran Trippier away from Newcastle this month, with Thomas Tuchel keen to continue his attempt to completely anglicise the German champions.

“I’ve never understood why anyone would want to be a referee. Now I do,” writes Suzanne Wrack, who spent an enjoyable day at the PGMOL training camp to file this special report just for you.

After a dozen name changes, multiple mergers, liquidations, stadium moves and relegations, Racing Club de France could be on their way back. Raphaël Jucobin reports.

Ten things to look out for this weekend in the Premier League … and beyond.

Rumour Mill! Rumour Mill! Rumour Mill!

And how might AI help stop the rise of knack? Julia Ranney logs on to investigate.

Hard at work in July 1935: Brentford goalkeeper James Nicholls swings a 14lb hammer to break up the concrete as he helps to erect crush barriers at Griffin Park after their promotion to the First Division.