During a week when his side are preparing for a derby against Manchester City, it is odd that Erik ten Hag seems to have spent more time focusing on Jamie Carragher’s punditry and Fulham’s TikTok troubadours than how best they might go about trying to avoid the absolute monstering pretty much everyone, including their own fans, is expecting them to get when they make the short trip to the Etihad Stadium. Ten Hag’s side have faced a remarkable 100 shots in their past five league games against Fulham, Luton, Aston Villa, West Ham and Wolves, around half the number they are likely to have to defend on Sunday afternoon. Luckily for United, the man tasked with stopping them has been speaking about his return to form after a gaffe-prone start to life at the club.

“It was a difficult time for me,” tooted goalkeeper André Onana, before what could be an even more difficult time for him. “Now I’m feeling a bit better. I already know the goalkeeper that I am, but it took me six or seven months not to play good, just to feel good. When I moved from Amsterdam to Milan, that adaptation was quite easy but it took me seven, eight months here. It was just time to learn and go game by game.” Further upfield, United will be hoping Marcus Rashford will prove an able deputy in the absence of the knacked Rasmus Højlund, and the striker has already taken aim at critics who think he should show half as much interest in playing for his team as he did when arranging what seemed like a dismally dreary night out with an entourage of hangers-on in Northern Ireland.

Rashford was entirely justified in suggesting there’s “a tone to it that you don’t get with all footballers” when discussing the criticism he ships in a column for the Players’ Tribune, but an insistence that his commitment to United simply cannot be questioned because he has played for them “since I was a boy” is unlikely to convince anyone who has seen some of the lacklustre performances he has delivered this season. While he will always have a place in the hearts of United fans, not to mention those of everyone outside Old Trafford who aren’t grasping Tories, any recurrence of the conspicuously poor body language and lack of effort that he has demonstrated in many games this season is likely to infuriate those whose patience with their striker has already worn paper-thin.

With his champions white-hot favourites to win the derby, Pep Guardiola was in a relaxed mood on Friday but refused to be drawn on the subject of what passes for his opposite number’s playing philosophy. “Always I expect the best from our opponents,” he declared in a tone that could strike more cynical readers as being a mite condescending. “Always. I expect the best from Manchester United but I don’t talk about what they do. As opponents I respect them too much and I don’t want any misunderstandings of my words.” Perhaps like the rest of us mere mortals, even a man with Pep’s incredible knowledge of tactics doesn’t quite know exactly what it is his opposite number might be trying to do.

“My task is to create an international identity of football, an attacking mindset, a challenge I really love. Then there is the next challenge – I will not be talking Swedish, because I want to be understood … [It’s] a journey where there probably will be ups and downs but a journey we need to do together – a new era” – Jon Dahl Tomasson readies Sweden for a cultural shake-up after the Dane took over as manager of the men’s national team.

It seems you missed the big news from Carrow Road this week. Norwich City are, of course, having a really meh season in the Championship. Given their resources and relatively recent splurges of some millions of pounds, most of us supporters really expected something better this time around. Despite being totally underwhelming for large parts of this season, it seems David Wagner is on safe ground. However, their women’s team manager, Martin Herdman was the undeserving recipient of the journey through the fabled door marked Do One on Tuesday. His team’s record so far this season in the National League Division One South East was played 13, won 10, drawn three. Currently in second place, six points behind leaders AFC Wimbledon but with two games in hand. And there was me thinking the better your record, the safer your position” – John Scent.

Neil Rose was absolutely right (if a little brave) to clap off the performance of an away opponent who had just scored five goals (Football Daily letters passim). Teenagers are embarrassed by most things their parents do, but his son might think differently when he reflects in years to come. The best example I can remember of such a rare happening is when I went to see Bournemouth play at Gresty Road in 2007 and Max Gradel was generously afforded a standing ovation by the home fans when substituted towards the end of a 4-1 defeat: when I was sad enough to check my memory wasn’t deceiving me I found this evidence” – Paul Sheppard.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our letter o’ the day is … John Scent, who lands our final copy of Pat Nevin: football and how to survive it, published by Octopus Books.

If you don’t know him by now, you will never never know him, but just how does Eddie Howe relax from a hard day on the training ground with Jason Tindall? Answer: playing the piano. “I was tinkling the ivories last night,” he trilled earlier. “When I’m playing I’m not thinking of 4-3-3 or 4-4-2; it’s a rare moment for me – a chance to get away from football.” Lose to in-form Wolves on Saturday and he may have to cue up Elton John’s Sad Songs (Say So Much).

Doncaster Rovers boss Grant McCann: still got it.

On the eve of their meeting on Loch Lomond’s bonny banks, football laws wonks Ifab are facing calls to step up measures on concussion. They will also discuss the new sin-bin protocol and the proposal of blue cards.

Adelaide United and Young Matildas goalkeeper Grace Wilson has been hailed for their bravery after becoming the first professional footballer in Australia to come out as non-binary. “I felt so comfortable and supported, it was probably one of the best feelings,” they said.

Vivianne Miedema will undergo another – though minor – knee op and Arsenal will be without her services for “several weeks”.

Jürgen Klopp’s kindergarten will be taking a back seat as his Liverpool squad welcomes back more senior players, starting at Nottingham Forest. “Nobody is Luke Littler,” he roared, as a kebab whizzed perilously past his ears. “The next challenge is now how to deal with all the things coming up.”

Meanwhile, Roberto De Zerbi’s name is on the Reds’ manager target list.

Sean Dyche, fresh from Everton’s four-point injection, wants the Premier League’s rules changed. “Surely it’s better to do it at the end of the season and going into the new season?” he growled, with another charge on the horizon. “Whatever will come next is for the lawyers, if needs be.”

Chelsea beware: Thomas Frank is ready to stand up and be counted with his struggling Brentford side on Saturday. “I am a massive fighter and my players are massive fighters,” he howled. “It is up to me and the players to find a way out of it – and we will.”

West Ham and Chelsea are sniffing around Gent’s Archie Brown, with a view to a potential £15m move for the English defender.

Davide Ballardini is the new man at the helm of lowly Serie A side Sassuolo.

And in case you’re planning to head to Crawley Town’s League Two game against Barrow, this bob is just for you: it’s been rained off already.

Things, 10 of them, to look out for in the Premier League this weekend.

Will Unwin checks in on Manchester City.

He’s possibly one game from the sack but couldn’t live without being a manager. Rafa Benítez gets his chat on about his latest – perhaps his greatest – challenge at Celta Vigo, with further thoughts on Xabi Alonso and Jamie Carragher.

And Michael Butler delves into Liverpool’s next generation: like fathers, like sons.

It’s the 10th anniversary of perhaps the greatest moment in scenes you don’t want to see but really actually loved to see in Our League history. For 1 March 2014 witnessed Alan Pardew, Newcastle manager, place a Bigg Market greeting – the nut, the headbutt, the Glasgow kiss – on Hull’s David Meyler, a touchline incident taking place right in front of current refs chief open-shirt Howard Webb, no less. “I did not mean any damage to the guy,” howled Pardew in the immediate aftermath. “I tried to push him away with my head but I should not have done that.” A three-game stadium ban followed by a four-match touchline suspension was the punishment. “As I have made clear, I deeply regret the incident and again wholeheartedly apologise to all parties for my conduct, which I understand was not acceptable,” grovelled the now-radio phone-in co-host, £100,000 lighter in the pocket, too.