With the buildup to England’s match against Brazil having been dominated by an often deranged debate about the colours of an inconspicuous rectangle adorning the collar of the men’s team’s shirt, finally we have the distraction of the actual football to discuss. Not much of a game, mind, given that the loudest cheer at Wembley on Saturday was reserved for whoever it was that managed to almost wing Fabrício Bruno with a paper aeroplane launched from the middle tier of the stands. In terms of accuracy and precision, the Brazil midfielder’s young teammate Endrick went one better, with the 17-year-old scoring his first goal for his country to consign Gareth Southgate’s brave boys to a defeat that doesn’t really matter in the cosmic scheme of things.

Only Southgate and his staff will know if they learned much from this contest although one of the main media takeouts from a largely dreary encounter seems to be that Ollie Watkins didn’t do himself many favours in the race to see whether he or Ivan Toney will earn the right to sit on the bench at Euro 2024 in the role of back-up to Harry Kane. Forced to survive on scraps against a preposterously inexperienced Brazil defence, the Aston Villa striker missed one half-decent chance that certainly wasn’t as easy as some Sunday and Monday morning quarterbacks would have you believe. Against Belgium, Toney will be given his chance to impress and one suspects the Brentford frontman will back himself because some jokes, however lame and predictable, just write themselves.

While Kyle Walker and Harrys Kane and Maguire have left the England camp with minor knack, there was sad news for reserve goalkeeper Sam Johnstone, who faces what could be a season – and presumably Euro 2024 – ending spell on the sidelines after suffering elbow-ouch during training. James Trafford has been called up from the under-21s and has useful recent practice at looking on from the bench, having been dropped by Vincent Kompany for Burnley’s last game before the international break. An unused substitute in England’s defeat at the hands of Brazil and one of the brightest prospects in the Premier League, Trafford’s fellow Cumbrian Jarrad Branthwaite will be hoping to make his England debut in the absence of Maguire. Seen by many as a future England regular, the Everton defender, in common with Burnley’s goalkeeper, has had plenty of practice when it comes to honing his craft this season.

After last week’s palaver over a minor adjustment to England’s shirt, the kit being worn by Southgate’s players against Belgium is likely to come under very close scrutiny from folk with far too much time on their hands. A similarly expensive dark raisin number with sesame logos and multi-colour panels in a variety of hues that are bound to upset somebody, the shirts worn in the second half won’t feature player names in an initiative that is part of the FA’s partnership with the Alzheimer’s Society.

“We hope to not only encourage fans to donate towards our early diagnosis research but also to support their loved ones just as much as they support their football team,” said the charity’s CEO, Kate Lee. “This means taking crucial first steps in seeking a diagnosis if they suspect someone they care about may be affected.” It should go without saying that this small but significant gesture on the part of the England football team has already been dismissed as a pointless waste of time by a mercifully small minority of weirdos who have clearly never had to deal with the heartbreak of being forgotten by a loved one living with this awful disease.

“It was a bit of a whirlwind – it feels like a lifetime ago. My debut was an out‑of-body experience but they were the best moments of my career. Being in the squad and exposed to a club that size was incredible. I wouldn’t change that minute for anything” – former Manchester United midfielder James Weir gets his chat on with Will Unwin about those early days under Louis van Gaal at Old Trafford, spells in Hungary and Slovakia, and how injuries led to retirement at 28.

Regarding the picture of Tommy Johnson with a cabbage (Friday’s Memory Lane, full email edition), that’ll be due to the fact that in 1989, County’s manager was one Neil Warnock, who famously opened a greengrocer’s shop in Nether Edge, Sheffield, towards the end of his playing days. He did a good job at County, to be fair, and there was a bit of a buzz about them and him, in Nottingham at the time. That was the promotion season from old Division Three. But he was still then regarded broadly as some part-time upstart who had only managed non-league and been lucky with Scarborough. I imagine Johnson was showing support. On the other hand, hanging around at the greengrocer was about as exciting as life in ruddy Nottingham got in 1989, so perhaps he was just doing that” – Jon Millard.

The photograph you included arose when Johnson was early in his career as a striker at Notts County and was said to need building up to improve his stamina by the then-chairman. A local greengrocer (presumably Warnock? –Football Daily Ed) ensured a timely delivery of a balanced veg box to help with the strengthening plan. Villa fans may remember that before his first match he coughed up his pre-match meal in the centre circle so he obviously enjoyed a special relationship with food” – Richard Bullock.

I can’t claim credit, but did enjoy a reference to the Virgin Islands derby in another august journal as the ‘No Taxico’” – Rob Taylor.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Jon Millard.

When we heard that a Baumgartner had made headlines with a sporting feat at the weekend our minds instantly filed back to 14 October 2012, when the Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner threw himself from the edge of space in a Red Bull-funded supersonic freefall and hurtled back to earth from a height never achieved before while the world watched on with mild alarm … but mostly bemusement.

But the rapid namesake breaking records this weekend was in fact Austria’s Christoph Baumgartner, who took us back to our days of schoolyard kickarounds as he sprinted straight up the pitch from kick-off before blasting the ball past Slovakia’s stunned goalkeeper in just six seconds. It was the fastest goal in international football history. “We’ve done this variation before, sprinting away at full risk from the kick-off,” he trilled after the 2-0 win. “Somehow the sequence of steps worked out so that I got the run.” Christoph earns his corn at RB Leipzig, which means he not only has the same nationality and surname as Felix, but also the same paymaster. If Red Bull did goals etc and so on …

Dani Alves, convicted of rape, has paid a bail of €1m and can leave jail pending his appeal.

Former Chelsea chief executive Marina Granovskaia appears in documents showing offshore payments made by Roman Abramovich, amid an ongoing investigation into alleged breaches of football spending rules.

Newcastle United co-owner Amanda Staveley faces having to pay a Greek shipping magnate more than £3m after a high court legal battle.

Portsmouth’s Abu Kamara has reacted to being one of five players named by former Norwich suit Stuart Webber as an example of black footballers needing to make it “because the alternative is potentially jail”. “I want to say to all the black and ethnic minority children that you don’t have to be a professional athlete to avoid living a life of crime and it is important that younger audiences are not left with this false narrative,” he said. “I am proud of where I come from and acknowledge the sacrifices my family have made in order for me to have a career in football.”

Wales and Poland fans have been warned not to bring pyrotechnic devices to the Euro play-off final in Cardiff. Four Poland fans were arrested for possessing pyrotechnics in Cardiff 18 months ago and the Football Association of Wales was fined more than £14,500 after home fans let off flares in World Cup play-off victories over Austria and Ukraine.

Uefa has made “no meaningful efforts” to settle claims on behalf of 1,200 Liverpool fans affected by the chaos surrounding the 2022 Champions League final, a law firm has said.

João Cancelo is still hurting from his unceremonious exit from Manchester City. “Lies were told,” he howled, seeking to quash rumours he had been a disruptive influence.

And Ashley Cole is the latest inductee into the Premier League Hall of Fame. “To join the likes of Alan Shearer, Thierry Henry, Didier Drogba and Rio Ferdinand, I’m privileged to be in their company,” gushed the former Arsenal and Chelsea full-back as he looked around his fancy new virtual club.

Your WSL talking points from the weekend’s action are here. Get stuck in!

Wembley and Belgium give Ivan Toney a big chance to show Gareth Southgate he is Harry Kane’s ideal understudy, writes David Hytner.

It’s time for the USA USA USA’s men’s team to shape up, barks Tom Dart.

Xabi Alonso’s choice, a bit easier than Sophie’s choice but which of Liverpool, Bayern or Barcelona should he choose to manage next season? Jonathan Wilson provides careers advice here.

Greg Wood has the latest on the continuing sorry tale of Football Index and all those sunk by it.

And as AI football looms, be thankful for those ready to rage against the machine, writes Barney Ronay.

There looks to have been some turnout for Arsenal reserves against their Chelsea counterparts on 20 March 1948. That’s Denis Compton there on the right, who went on to play 78 Tests for the England cricket team.