Just 66 days until Christmas. Only 23 until the next international break! So, as the Premier League returns, where were we? In this time of hot takes, and using the weekend’s fixture list as a framework, how are your team doing? The lunchtime Merseyside derby kicks us off. Have Liverpool got over VAR-gate yet? Everton, kept waiting for news of a takeover by those 777 chaps wearing shades, return to Anfield where their only win this century took place in 2021, in front of an empty stadium when, as feels even more distant, Carlo Ancelotti was their manager. Heady days.

To the 3pms. Gary O’Neil returns to Bournemouth with Wolves, doubtless keen to show that sacking him for Andoni Iraola’s nuevo Bielsa-ball was a bad thing. It’s never too early to talk of six-pointers, so Burnley’s trip to Brentford, where even Thomas Frank is beginning to worry, has the look of make or break about it. Vincent Kompany’s getting so worried about the loss of momentum behind his boys he’s wondering if the fans at Turf Moor need … a drummer? Luton, all gristle and muscle but little hustle, travel to Nottingham Forest, where Steve Cooper remains calm amid his club’s ever-gathering storm, and presides over a proud home record.

It is already too late in the day to talk of an embryonic league table, so how is Newcastle v Crystal Palace a mid-table battle of eighth v ninth? The answer lies in Roy Hodgson being the ultimate football centrist and the Toon’s indifferent early-season form. Still, expect full celebration of St James’ commercial department somehow pulling off that Saudi airlines sponsorship deal. Howay Riyadh! How might Bournemouth’s fellow winless wonders, Sheffield United, end their drought? Manchester United, always crashing in the same clown car, to the rescue. Manchester City v Brighton is a chalkboard shootout for the ages, Pep Guardiola all gooey and coy and “wow, guys, look what Roberto De Zerbi does with the counter-counter-counter-press … so so good”. A love-in supreme? Perhaps De Zerbi’s short temper can set off a tight-trousered touchline tiff.

Which from Saturday leaves Chelsea v Arsenal, Pochettino v Arteta, old friends from Parisian walkways when Pochettino was PSG’s hatchet man, and Arteta their youthful, graceful, hirsute playmaker. After all those Gunners complaints about “Silent” Stan Kroenke not spending enough cash, might they now look at Todd Boehly’s billion-quid folly and be thankful for what they’ve got? There’s a chance to go top of the league, too. Having front-loaded all that, Super Sunday consists only of Aston Villa, Ollie Watkins in rare form, taking on West Ham, also doing rather nicely, having spent the Declan Rice cash wisely. Lastly, Monday, where Ange Postecoglou, England’s most popular Australian since Kylie Minogue was so lucky, welcomes Marco Silva, on course to receive more bookings than Taylor Swift’s cinema show. It’s back. Do believe the hype.

“These 20 tracks were built to be on stage. It’s why I wanted to do a live album first. It will be finished like the last touch on a painting. I am a headliner … maybe The [Rolling] Stones can support me” – Eric Cantona shows off some of that famed humility while talking up his upcoming tour to showcase new album The Friends We Lost. And that’s a second mention for Mick Jagger and co in Football Daily (the full edition – sign up now!) in two days.

Re: Neymar and how football is poorer for the loss of such characters (yesterday’s Football Daily). I would indeed argue that as more money floods into the game, the poorer the game gets. Instead of the local major employer of the town owning the team, we now have private equity firms – whatever they do – and nation states paying the bills. Instead of Jimmy Hill and Brian Moore giving up grainy imaged analysis, we get a plethora of ex-players with giant touchscreens, drawing lines like kids with a fancy Etch-a-Sketch (ask your parents), and us being none the wiser. And don’t even get me started on VAR v the assistant referee. So please, bring back footballers pictured eating fish and chips after a game in the local rag, George Best going on a bender, Shankly’s Boot Room and the groundstaff having to run out and paint a spot in the mud bog goalmouth, so they know where to take a penalty. And bring back the Mitre ball!” – Paul Arnold.

As a Matt Turner supporter from his first days with the Revs, it’s a bit difficult for me to muster much sympathy for Aaron Ramsdale suddenly finding that someone else stands between him and the starting goalkeeper job at Arsenal (yesterday’s Quote of the Day). This is at the very nature of sport, a fact that Ramsdale surely has to understand: when you’re the No 1, there will always be others working to uproot you. What’s difficult is the smile you need to have stapled on your face when it’s one of your own teammates chasing your gig – or whose gig you yourself happen to be after” – Ralph Culver.

I know it’s not the point of the fascinating piece on Pascal Chimbonda but I was staggered to find out that he managed to make the France squad for World Cup 2006 that only lost the final on penalties? I think we need to contact the OED as we appear to have found new dictionary definition of ‘making up the numbers’. PS: half of me is wondering how a France squad containing Thierry Henry, David Trezeguet, Zinedine Zidane, Franck Ribéry, Patrick Vieira, Claude Makélélé didn’t win the World Cup but the other half is wondering how a squad containing Jean-Alain Boumsong, Mikaël Silvestre and the previously mentioned Chimbonda all managed by the infamous Raymond Domenech actually got there in the first place” – Noble Francis.

I’d kick up a fuss about the Rolling Stones logo appearing on Barcelona’s shirts (yesterday’s Football Daily, full email edition), trying to reverse the deal, but it’ll be no good. You can’t always get what you want” – Darren Leathley.

Send your letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Darren Leathley.

Chelsea have been drawn against Real Madrid and Arsenal’s conquerors Paris FC in the Women’s Big Cup group stage. Emma Hayes’ side will also face Swedish club Häcken.

Christine Sinclair, the world’s all-time leading international goalscorer, has announced her retirement from Canada duty. “Honestly, you can’t play forever,” she sighed, before clarifying that she’ll still play for Portland Thorns. “What started to creep in for me is the excitement of having an off-season and Fifa windows being a break, and being able to spend more time with my family and go on vacation and things like that. I haven’t been able to do that since I went to college.”

Newcastle boss Eddie Howe has admitted that Sandro Tonali is suffering as he faces a ban over betting regulations, but he is available to face Crystal Palace. “I see the person, I see the human, I see the pain and distress,” Howe said. “That’s why my thoughts are always with the player and making sure we look after him.”

Andy Robertson will have to go under the knife after suffering shoulder-knack while on Scotland duty. “He will be out for a while,” sniffed Liverpool boss Jürgen Klopp.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word for Jadon Sancho, who is still not in Manchester United’s squad.

New Rangers boss Philippe Clement hopes fans don’t expect him to slay he-who-must-not-be-named and close the seven-point gap to Celtic overnight. “I hope they see a difference but I am not Harry Potter with the magic stick who can change everything suddenly,” he told assorted Muggles. “No, it doesn’t work that way.”

Sheppey United v Walsall will kick off the live TV weekend of FA Cup first-round ties on Friday 3 November.

And guitar-jangling indie troubador Pete Doherty has outed himself as a Ligue Urrrrrrrn ultra. “I love going to the Stade Océane with my step-brother. I was [there] for the promotion and I was part of the supporters who invaded the pitch at the end of the match,” he warbled. “The Le Havre ultras never stop singing, even when the match is over.”

With Lionel Messi leading the race to win the Ballon d’Or for the umpteenth time, Pep Guardiola has used his famed noggin to think outside the box. He believes the gong should be restructured. Well, kind of. “The Ballon d’Or has to be two sections,” he squealed. “One for Messi, and after look for the others. The worst season of Messi is the best for the rest.” So who does Pep think should scoop the golden ball this time round? “[Erland] Haaland should win – yes! We won the treble and he scored 50 million goals.”

Sometimes it’s OK for middle-aged sports presenters to say nothing – Max Rushden on the difficulties of commenting on the conflict in the Middle East from afar.

Everton’s on-loan Leeds winger Jack Harrison gets his chat on with Andy Hunter and explains how playing in the USA USA USA helped his career.

Ipswich goalkeeper Vaclav Hladky gets his chat on with Nick Ames about the extraordinary feelgood factor coursing through Portman Road at the moment.

Gary O’Neil fancies putting one over on the club that sacked him when his Wolves side take on Bournemouth, writes John Brewin.

Jeff Kassouf and Megan Swanick get the old crystal ball out and offer up some NWSL playoff predictions.

And the Premier League’s return spews up 10 things to look out for this weekend, as per.

Hopefully this is the kind of wholesome image Paul Arnold was craving. It’s 1967 and Jimmy Greaves has decided to try his hand in goal during an international training session at the Bank of England sports ground in Roehampton before a match against Scotland at Wembley. That six-yard box is suitably muddy and an unimpressed Gordon Banks watching on adds to its allure, too.