As metaphors for PSG’s European endeavours over the past decade go, there was something bordering on poetic about the fact that, in what was almost certainly his very last action as a footballer representing his monied local club in Europe, Kylian Mbappé tripped over his own feet. His legs a blur as he chased in vain after a poorly weighted through ball from deep, the feted striker lost his balance and fell over, hitting the deck just as the final whistle left his state-owned team’s obsession with becoming Big Cup champions unfulfilled and in plumes of yellow smoke for yet another year. Compared to some of PSG’s often-slapstick exits over the past seven seasons, this was far from the most ignominious and it can legitimately be argued the French side played quite well and were more than a tad unlucky in hitting the woodwork six times across two legs against Borussia Dortmund. But still, out of Big Cup they go, again, to which the only appropriate reaction from completely impartial neutrals everywhere ought to be a resoundingly gleeful a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha … a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha … honk!

Now Football Daily’s not sure if the Germans have an equivalent word for childish and petty wallowing in the misfortune of PSG, but even if they do their players were too busy staging an impromptu disco and sing-along in front of the small corner of the Parc des Princes that had, for one night only, been transformed into a travelling Yellow Wall to tell us what it might be. Busting moves alongside his teammates on a strategically placed travel case, Jadon Sancho could have been excused for feeling particularly pleased with himself, even if with slightly better time-keeping or a less stubborn attitude he would still be playing his football at a much bigger club and could instead have spent the previous evening apologetically clapping an entirely different set of travelling supporters before slinking off a south London pitch in a state of almost total mortification.

“The feeling is one of sadness, it can’t be any other way after not achieving the goal,” sniffed Luis Enrique. “We haven’t been inferior and if we add the two ties together we shot at the post six times. The funny thing about football is that sometimes it’s an unfair sport and we haven’t scored tonight despite shooting 31 times.” Having pulled off the singularly unique feat of building a PSG team that is, if not exactly likable, certainly far less objectionable than some of the random, big-name egomaniacs to have money hosed in their direction by chief suit Nasser Al-Khelaifi in the past decade, Luis Enrique is almost certain to stay in his post for another year and will have to plan without his star striker, who looks certain to head for the door marked “Par ici vers le Real Madrid”. Of course that’s assuming the Spanish champions still want Mbappé, who cut a largely forlorn and peripheral figure as he failed to lay a glove on either Dortmund or Barcelona in the past two rounds.

Meanwhile in the Dortmund camp, Edin Terzic and his players have another Wembley final to plan for, despite failing to pull up any trees in this season’s Bundesliga, and will be watching the other semi-final second leg between Real Madrid and their old muckers Bayern Munich with interest, but precious little in the way of trepidation. “If I have to find and pick one word, it’s pride,” cheered the German after his side’s victory. “We suffered a lot, but we showed a very good away display against a team that is so powerful up front; so quick, so mobile. We’ve kept two clean sheets, we’ve won both games in the semi-final. This is unbelievable and outstanding.” Having defied expectations by getting out of their group and beating supposedly superior opposition in Atlético Madrid and PSG en route to the final, Dortmund have no reason to fear anyone in a showpiece they will contest as underdogs. Even if they go on to lose, their Big Cup campaign this season is already way past the point where it can end in an Mbappé-esque face-plant.

Join Scott Murray at 8pm BST for Big Cup updates on Real Madrid 2-2 Bayern Munich (agg: 4-4 aet; 4-5 pens) in the second leg of the semi-final.

“It was one of the most unenjoyable 15 minutes of my life, it was crazy” – Bolton manager Ian Evatt would have liked more comfortable progress to the League One playoff final than their 3-2 home defeat by Barnsley (winning 5-4 on aggregate) that shredded his nerves. The fans needed to let off some steam afterwards, too, judging by these images.

If Borussia Dortmund now go on and win the Big Cup this season, then Jadon Sancho has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever by going up to the pitch-side interviewer straight after collecting the trophy and thanking Erik ten Hag (or to give him his full name, ‘soon to be former Manchester United manager Erik ten Hag’) for showing a lack of faith in him and by not giving him his opportunity to train and play with the lads” – Noble Francis.

Manifold and well-deserved meritorious plaudits to Murray Todd (yesterday’s Football Daily letters), for dragging, kicking, and yes indeed, screaming, you into the modern convention of shorter sentences and fewer ‘unnecessary’ words; admittedly this is now advised due to a widely recognised, pernicious, internet-fuelled shortening of all our attention spans, but hey, let us not fight this with needless things, like, say adverbs, and, y’know, style, but batter on regardless and reduce all our written word to a series of serious but unembellished bald points, then we can all get the depressing chore of reading over with as quickly as possible and focus our time on our other vital pastimes, like, perhaps, pedantically editing Wikipedia and being obvious fun at parties, though I wouldn’t try reading any actual novels, it gets all a bit belletristic and lettered in those things” – Jon Millard.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Jon Millard.

Malaysia’s FA has recommended players hire bodyguards and top-flight club Johor Darul Ta’zim have beefed up security after midfielder Safiq Rahim became the third player attacked over the past week. Selangor FC winger Faisal Halim was left in a critical condition after being splashed with acid while shopping last Sunday and Malaysia winger Akhyar Rashid was injured in a robbery outside his home.

Manchester City’s Jack Grealish has been fined the curious figure of £666 and handed five penalty points after being caught doing 44mph in a 30mph zone.

Manchester United and England keeper Mary Earps is now Mary Earps MBE.

Sky Sports will show piping-hot football during the 3pm Saturday blackout, as the broadcaster gets set to increase its live coverage by 50% next season.

Getafe’s president, Ángel Torres, says the club hope to keep Mason Greenwood for another season and that he does not expect the forward to return to Manchester United. “If it was up to the lad, his parents and the club [Getafe], I think he would continue for another year,” tooted Torres.

Thomas Tuchel has made everyone (but mainly Manchester United) aware how much he enjoyed managing in the Premier League. “It is no secret that I loved it at Chelsea and I loved it in the Premier League for sure,” chimed Tuchel. “It was a very, very special time in England.” But he would have to make sure he’s in the office every morning …

… because after getting angry about the state of the offices, Sir Big Jim’s crackdown continues at United, with remote working now banned.

Diego Maradona’s stolen Golden Ball trophy from 1986 has resurfaced in France and will be auctioned off on 6 June. The Argentina legend, who died in 2020, won the shiny gong after being named best player at the Mexico World Cup – when he was at the peak of his powers – but it was pilfered some years later. On Tuesday, the Aguttes auction house announced that an anonymous seller came across the trophy after purchasing it in 2016 unaware of its significance. Yup. “In the case he bought there were a lot of trophies. He then searched on the internet and found it could be the Golden Ball. He tried to call Maradona and Fifa, but had no luck,” the auction house’s sport expert Francois Thierry told the BBC. “There are a lot of stories and legends, like it was stolen by the mafia to make gold. We did all the necessary checks and called the police about it. We have had the ball for about one year.”

It’s farewell project superstar at PSG. Barney Ronay asks whether Kylian Mbappé has wasted seven years of his career in Paris.

Real Madrid and Bayern Munich face off in the other semi. Whisper it, but Eric Dier is quietly silencing his critics.

Carlo Ancelotti, meanwhile, would just love to get one over his old employers. There’s still bad blood between the Italian and Bayern, writes Sid Lowe.

Tottenham’s epic Big Cup last-four win over Ajax is now five years old (yes, really). It featured Donny van de Beek, Dele Alli and Danny Rose … but where are they all now? Michael Butler has the answers.

Erik ten Hag looks to be sliding towards the exit door at Manchester United, but will the club’s cycle of doom ever stop? Jonathan Liew thinks not.

And what is the largest aggregate football scoreline over two league matches? The Knowledge knows.

18 April 2009: A lovely shot which shows just why Stoke is renowned for having those fierce gusts of wind that blow in from the very open corners of their stadium.