The Battle of the Buffet. Ferguson v Wenger, Keane v Vieira. Martin Keown whoopin’ and hollerin’ right in Ruud van Nistelrooy’s grill. Thierry Henry’s volley, David Platt’s header; Cristiano Ronaldo’s Big Cup double. Title-winning goals from Marc Overmars and Sylvain Wiltord; the 8-2. Ryan Giggs’s remarkable chest hair. The 21-man Highbury brawl. Mark Hughes v Tony Adams; Ian Wright v Peter Schmeichel. Louis van Gaal taking a dive. Arsène in the Old Trafford stands, arms outstretched. “Squeaky bum time,” isn’t it? Forgive your misty-eyed Daily from channelling Ron Manager once again, but at its height, Manchester United v Arsenal was the Premier League’s greatest rivalry. Fuelled by a mutual enmity between Alex Ferguson and Arsène Wenger, the former delaying his retirement to fend off Arsenal’s arriviste – “He’s come from Japan and he’s telling us how to run English football,” Ferg said in 1997 – the bitter rivals traded titles and served up box-office battles until José Mourinho (and Roman Abramovich) pulled up at the Bridge.

Between 1997 and 2005, United and Arsenal both finished in the top three for nine seasons in a row. In the two decades since, these faltering giants have repeated the trick just four times, instead taking turns to slip into stark decline. Wenger’s tenure, much like his famous puffer jacket, simply went on for too long; on the other hand, today’s generationally mediocre United team are still unable to escape Ferguson’s shadow. When the two teams met at an empty Old Trafford in November 2020, both were in the bottom half of the table – something that had not happened since October 1936.

That otherwise forgettable game was notable only for Mikel Arteta’s transitional team achieving a big milestone – winning at United’s ground for the first time since 2006. Since then, Arsenal have firmly re-established themselves in the elite, and head back to Old Trafford on Sunday off the back of a 7-1 shellacking of PSV in Bigger Cup. United are 21 points behind their former title rivals in the table, but did pick up a creditable 1-1 draw at Real Sociedad in Bigger Vase, with nobody more surprised by Joshua Zirkzee’s well-taken opening goal than Joshua Zirkzee.

If he’s not too busy checking the vending machines for loose change, or trying to charge black-clad fans double for entry, perhaps Big Sir Jim Ratcliffe might learn something from Sunday’s game. United’s resident Scrooge is about to be visited by the ghost of seasons yet to come, and a possible blueprint for redemption. Not so long ago, Arsenal’s team were a motley crew of startled kids and grizzled mercenaries, coached by a frustrated Iberian and watched by fans on the brink of revolt. If the Gunners made it back from there, maybe the husk of what was once Manchester United can somehow be rejuvenated. What do you say, Ruben Amorim? “I don’t feel that. I won’t have the time Arteta had. It’s a different club. We just need to survive on Sunday.” It’s hardly “I’ll see you out there”, but it’ll have to do.

Maybe you laugh, but for me it was a good result because the way we performed the [defeat] could have been bigger” – José Mourinho, there, seemingly relieved to have only lost 3-1 at home to, erm, Rangers, who have been turned over by such powerhouses as St Mirren and Queen’s Park in recent weeks.

When I read Barney Ronay’s description of Alisson’s phenomenal performance in Paris as “cinematic” (yesterday’s Still Want More, full email edition), I suddenly realised something. Witnessing the Liverpool goalkeeper dive, roll, parry, smother, snaffle, jump and fling himself all over the place had indeed felt like watching an action film. In fact, with the yellow suit and hordes of stealthy opponents closing in in wave after wave, the performance felt like an ode to Bruce Lee in Game of Death, Uma Thurman in Kill Bill: Volume 1 and Danny Chan Kwok-kwan in Shaolin Soccer. I’m looking forward to Volume 2 next week! Pass the popcorn!” – Peter Oh.

Following Fenerbahce’s humiliating home defeat by Rangers, it would be fascinating to hear what the Specious One would have called PSV’s 7-1 home capitulation against Arsenal? Presumably ‘a great result’ followed by ‘it’s not over’?” – Adrian Irving.

While agreeing with Gordon MacLeod’s praise of Ally McCoist (yesterday’s Football Daily letters), I feel he is ill-served being part of Darren Fletcher’s and Rio Ferdinand’s attempts to fill every second of games with obscure historical facts and football cliches. While my Liverpool proclivities are probably a factor, exposure to this trio for both the Bigger Cup Madrid derby and cunning plan against PSG left me trying to manipulate the volume control to retain some element of the atmosphere while muting the commentary. I don’t know who decides which commentators are an asset, but there are times when Discovery+ feels exceedingly expensive” – Alan Gellion.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Alan Gellion, who gets some Football Weekly merch. We’ll be in touch. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

We’re following the current holders Manchester United in the Women’s FA Cup after their hard-fought, erm, 6-0 win at Wolves in the fifth round set up a quarter-final tie against Sunderland. We could be set for another one-sided goal-fest. The Black Cats are mid-table in the Championship but United boss Marc Skinner doesn’t see the match as an opportunity to rotate. “This is a game to win,” he roared. “The reality is it’s about winning the game so we have to keep as structured as possible.” We could be going all the way to Wembley with the Red Devils.

In the men’s Scottish Cup, we’re on board with Queen’s Park after manager Callum Davidson did what Mourinho couldn’t and masterminded a victory over Rangers in the last round. The Spiders were rewarded with a trip north to take on Aberdeen in the quarter-finals. Will they pull off another upset? We can always dream. In the women’s competition we’re still with Rangers, who host Spartans in the quarters. They’ve scored 31 goals in the past two rounds. Hopefully Debbi McCulloch’s side have been working on their defensive shape.

Millwall keeper Liam Roberts will spend six matches on the naughty step for the challenge on Jean-Philippe Mateta that left Palace’s striker with 25 stitches in his left ear. “I am devastated by what happened,” said Roberts. “I unequivocally accept the red card as awarded and accept my punishment.”

Thomas Tuchel has a longlist of 55 players as he ponders, lengthily, his first England squad announcement next Friday. The five teams’ worth of talent is believed to include the previously self-exiled Ben White along with anyone else with an English passport born between, say, 1992 and 2007 (Ethan Nwaneri).

It was a mixed night for British teams in Bigger Vase’s last 16. Tottenham Hotspur or Spurs goalkeeper Guglielmo Vicario says he “understands the frustration” of fans not taking kindly to his whirly-armed calls for more support after his side had done everything not to deserve any in their 1-0 defeat at AZ.

Everton’s David Moyes is amazed at how well Everton’s David Moyes has done since returning. “[We’ve] surprised all the people in this room as well – and probably surprised most of the Evertonians,” he cheered.

The Premier League’s financial power continues to blow its European rivals out of the water, with combined revenues almost double those in Germany and Spain, according to newly released figures from Uefa. Don’t you just feel good?

The chief suit of the Women’s Super League and Championship has ruled out the scrapping of promotion and relegation, but has not denied that the league is exploring a relegation pause as part of expansion plans.

And if Liverpool win the league, Jürgen Klopp says he will be back in the city getting his fist-pumps on and singing the Arne Slot song he started last season. “I will not be on the bus,” he yelped. “I will be with the people I saw when I was on the bus.”

5 March: Reports emerge that Newcastle’s Sven Botman is set to be ruled out for a lengthy period after a setback in his recovery from knee-knack.

6 March: “Don’t sell bullsh!t” – Botman reacts to said reports.

7 March: “He was very close to the Brighton game but the day before he felt something again in his knee. This week he has had the same discomfort so it looks like he will have to have an operation. He needs a small operation to clear out some fluid and then he should be fine again. We hope he should be back in about eight weeks” – Eddie Howe rules the defender out of the Milk Cup final and a large part of the remaining season.

Sunderland are proving a fine example of a club where the men’s and women’s sides coexist splendidly, sharing the swish Academy of Light facility and “swapping ideas in the canteen”. Louise Taylor headed along to see for herself.

Next year’s World Cup is going to be another red-hot one. Are teams prepared to cope? Leander Schaerlaeckens opens his cool box and investigates.

Lydia Bedford was a trailblazer at Brentford – the first female coach of a Premier League under-18s boys’ side. But now she tells Mariam Kourabi about why she’s been snared by a new Canadian women’s league.

And the Premier League is back, back, BACK baby! And so are 10 Premier League talking points.

November 1993: So who are these Ugly Sisters then? Go on, take a guess. Yes! It’s Vinnie Jones and Neil Ruddock preparing for a performance in Cinderella during pantomime season. Jones clearly had the acting bug early, given he was still an active footballer. As was Ruddock. We’re not sure any current players would be allowed to moonlight quite so conspicuously.