Fear not, Manchester United fans, we come bearing gifts. Defeat at Stamford Bridge was their fifth 4-3 game this season (two wins, three losses), an apt summary of their chaos. It has left Erik ten Hag and his wounded players feeling “mad and angry”, so a little care package is required, something to give the soul a brief respite from this latest implosion. As this is United, the only way to find real joy is to fire up the DeLorean and retreat to the past.

First, to some good ol’ wholesome #OnThisDay content. Friday marks the 15th anniversary of Federico Macheda’s injury-time winner against Aston Villa, the 17-year-old completing a comeback from 2-1 down to keep United ticking over in a zesty title duel with Liverpool. Pulling off the best Cruyff Turn since Johan himself, the debutant spun around Luke Young before curling past the outstretched hand of Brad Friedel, 73 years his senior. Cue bedlam at Old Trafford, a hog pile upon the Italian tyro, a raft of legendary figures celebrating with him, the scene entirely unfamiliar to the current club. The sole survivor from United’s team that day? All hail the everlasting Jonny Evans.

The next stop on our road to recovery is, er, at Gary Neville and Roy Keane’s Stick to Football podcast, where guests appear to be of a similar ilk. Visitors include Rio Ferdinand, Ole Gunnar Solskjær, Wayne Rooney, Jaap Stam and David Beckham, the topics all the usual stuff: The Boss, the gong-filled glory days and decrying the current malaise. “Where are the leaders in the dressing room?” someone cries for the gazillionth time. Sorry, United fans will be getting all sad again; just have a listen to Ferdinand talk about his impenetrable partnership with Nemanja Vidic and feel all your wounds heal.

Macheda’s winner also has relevance with what’s to come in this unrelenting title race. With Liverpool and Manchester City dreaming of trebles and Arsenal still in Europe, knack will take hold and fringe players will get the call to come on and possibly decide this whole thing. Kind of like that [Snip – Football Daily Spoilers Ed] in The Departed, who shoots [Snip-snippety snip – FDSE] when the lift doors open. Or, if you’re no cinephile, think Divock Origi turning it on against Barcelona and Tottenham to win Big Cup for Liverpool. Alas, United must watch on as their old sparring partners battle on up top. At the very least on Sunday, they’ll hope to disrupt Jürgen Klopp’s long farewell for the second time this season. And if that doesn’t go well, just put Kiko’s curler on repeat.

Join Luke McLaughlin from 8pm BST for updates on England 0-0 Sweden in their Euro 2025 qualifier at Wembley.

“I’ve got to say the Arsenal-Man City game was brilliant. It was 0-0” – peak David Moyes in his Friday press conference. Never change, never change.

Mauricio Pochettino calling on his players to wake up earlier and run harder (yesterday’s Football Daily). He should take into consideration what has happened to Manchester United’s players, who apparently ran too hard in training and now the squad is depleted. Not that knack or no-knack can ever have an impact on the dire team that United have become” – Nigel Assam.

This is probably a broader philosophical question about what actually makes a football team, but if you have 11 players and half of them spend the 112th minute pointing for someone to mark Cole Palmer after he’s already scored two goals while no one from the other half bothers to do it, can you call yourself one? Apropos of nothing, Monday is also the 10-year anniversary of Big Website doing its ‘Manchester United: how did they get into this mess?’ piece” – Noble Francis.

For once, Football Daily is getting ahead of events in describing Carlisle United as a ‘League Two basement side’ (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs, full email edition). Although on the basis of the alleged shenanigans on Saturday night, it looks like [Snip – Football Daily Lawyers]” – Alan Giles (and others).

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Noble Francis.

With so many injury-time winners flying in of late, Football Daily feels duty-bound to shine a light on the risk to matchgoing fans when celebrating last-gasp goals in the fashion of Haribo-fuelled toddlers on bouncy castles. It was the 97th minute when Ipswich’s Jeremy Sarmiento sealed a thrilling 3-2 win against Southampton in the Championship last Monday. His goal not only sent his side back to the top, but also caused an electric pop of elation and pain in the Portman Road stands as fan Rémi Mills enjoyed it a bit too much. “When that last-minute goal went in, limbs were everywhere,” he winced, glancing at his sling. “I burst up with all that excitement [and] my shoulder just came out straight away … popped out.”

“I still managed to stay and take in some of the celebrations as much as I could,” he added, proving that adrenaline really can be a good substitute for morphine in a crisis. “I think the two hours I spent in the hospital, I was just trying to take in that last goal – [I had] goosebumps. I was almost in tears, not tears because of the pain but tears because I can’t believe how far this club has come. If I could do it all again and it meant we won again, I would dislocate the other.” We’re not sure he would. He might still be on oxygen.

Jürgen Klopp and Erik ten Hag have urged fans to avoid tragedy chanting when Manchester United host Liverpool on Sunday. “Don’t sing this or sing that,” said Klopp. “Just show class, let the teams fight on the pitch.” Ten Hag said the game must not be used as an “excuse for abusing rival fans about Hillsborough, Heysel or any other historic tragedies”.

Arsenal’s Oleksandr Zinchenko says he’d leave the UK to fight in Ukraine if he was called up to defend his country in the war with Russia. “I would go,” he told BBC Newsnight. “It’s tough to understand that just recently [I’ve] been in the same school [with my friends], we were playing in the playground or on the football pitch, and now they have to defend our country. We cannot give up.”

Former Tottenham owner Joe Lewis has been spared jail in New York for his part in a “brazen” insider trading conspiracy.

Former Spanish football federation head honcho Luis Rubiales has questioned if he is facing trial for sexual assault “because he’s a man”. Yep.

Mauricio Pochettino reckons Chelsea got what they deserved in the Cole Palmer Show against Manchester United. “It was amazing,” he roared. “We were the better team today and it was fair we scored [to make it 4-3] in the last minute.”

Alexis Mac Allister may have scored one of the goals of the season in Liverpool’s 3-1 defeat of Sheffield United, but Jürgen Klopp thinks Darwin Núñez gegenpressing one in off his backside was just as swoonful. “One of my favourite goals ever,” honked Klopp. “You ask a striker to press the opponent a lot but it’s rare you get close enough for that kind of block.”

Newcastle boss Eddie Howe wants to keep Bruno Guimarães, but can see PSR pressure and that £100m release clause looming large. “Players like Bruno are not around every corner,” he cooed. “But I can never make guarantees because that would be absolutely foolish of me.”

And Fulham’s Rodrigo Muniz has admitted to being stunned by the quality of waxworks at Madame Tussauds. “It’s too good,” he gasped. “I saw [Mo] Salah there and this season and then I play against him and I say: ‘It is the same! Oh my God, what is this?” Wait til he sees the London Dungeon.

It’s Friday … so here are your 10 things to look out for in the Premier League this weekend.

“The best teams have robust spines. United, who have no idea how to press, play at a pace more suitable to a Legends Game.” Jacob Steinberg on Manchester United’s inability to change gear.

The FA must act now and help England bridge the gap to Spain in women’s football, writes Kelly Simmons.

“No one is an obstacle. You see that spirit in Basque football, even in the kids” –Athletic Bilbao’s Dani Vivian gets his chat on with Sid Lowe before Saturday’s Copa del Rey final against Mallorca.

And Go Go Power Rankings (MLS edition)!

27 April 1966: It’s the Scottish Cup final replay at Hampden Park in Glasgow, where Celtic’s Billy McNeil leaps to head at goal against Rangers. It didn’t go in and their Old Firm rivals won 1-0 thanks to a goal from Danish full-back Kai Johansen. The Bhoys got one over Rangers in the sprint for the league though, winning the title ahead of them by just two points. Roll on Sunday.