The turnout for Lee Carsley’s leaving drinks isn’t looking all that great. With a viral case of knack spreading through the England squad, eight players have shown this season’s third international break the door marked Do One. It’s allowed the departing interim manager to dish out some resignation honours, with Aston Villa’s Morgan Rogers among a handful of uncapped players plucked out of the under-21s and told by HR, repeatedly, to chuck in a tenner for Carsley’s farewell gift. Don’t forget to sign the card.

One man who won’t be pulling out of Carsley’s squad is Southampton’s Taylor Harwood-Bellis, unless he wants his future father-in-law to call him a “BIG BABY!”. Yes, the defender, awaiting his first England cap, is set to become family with Roy Keane. Following Saipan and all that, Keane remained very serious about international commitments during his stint as sidekick to Martin O’Neill with the Republic of Ireland. When asked in 2015 if Robbie Keane (not family) would be good to feature against Germany days after the birth of his son, Roy’s straight-faced response was as old-school as you’d expect: “Why wouldn’t he be? He didn’t have the baby, did he? Unless he’s breastfeeding he should be all right.”

Harwood-Bellis hails from Stockport, a town continuing to develop a reputation as a footballing hotbed, with Phil Foden, Kobbie Mainoo and Cole Palmer the prized assets. “We might as well just move Wembley up here,” tooted Stockport Council on the socials after the 22-year-old’s call-up. The area also continues to invite a cliched brand of nickname, with Harwood-Bellis a couple of solid displays away from being labelled the Stockport “insert legendary Big Cup-winning centre-half”.

Finally, Football Daily sends its best wishes to Carsley ahead of his final two fixtures against Greece and the Republic of Ireland. The 50-year-old has probably clocked by now the toxicity of the position he inherited, one that invites manufactured fury if you don’t sing a song, one that’s yours until you’re apparently no good at all because you’ve lost, um, one game after having just a little bit of fun with your starting XI, presumably upsetting the same people who wanted Gareth Southgate to Take the Handbrake Off. Can you blame him for never really knowing whether he wanted the job or not? The loving embrace of the under-21s – tournament football with a little less jingoism, experimentation without intense scrutiny, a place where he’s already enjoyed significant success – awaits.

Join Sarah Rendell at 8pm GMT for Women’s Big Cup updates on Celtic 1-3 Chelsea.

I will enjoy it. It’s going to be in my club with so many people, good weather. Having the opportunity to be, I don’t know if I’m the first, a professional football player and professional tennis player, just for one game, it’s a privilege” – Diego Forlán is not the first to change his boots for a professional tennis racket, but his appearance this week at the Uruguay Open, an ATP Challenger tournament, will still be notable. The former Manchester United striker chats to our tennis correspondent, Tumaini Carayol.

Hang on! Re Martin Ødegaard saying he’s ‘listened to my body’ like a 90s pop sensation? No idea what you may be on about regarding the 90s, but isn’t that reference more appropriate for the Prince Classic 1999? Or did you just get slightly confused by the song title? That’s not like you … oh wait” – Lochlan MacDonald.

Sport in [the USA USA USA], isolationist as it is (World Series, really?), does deliver one huge advantage over the increasingly persecuted fans of European and British football. No international breaks” – Lindsay Williams.

I have the perfect solution for three soon-to-be-vacant jobs: send David Coote to the Match of the Day sofa/chair. Send Gary Lineker to Fenerbahce. Appoint José Mourinho as a referee to replace Coote” – Krishna Moorthy.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Lochlan MacDonald, who lands their very own piece of Football Weekly merch. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

Our sister email is live, in which Sophie Downey pays tribute to Caroline Seger, a Swedish icon signing off after two decades at the top. You can subscribe here.

The FA has launched its own investigation into David Coote after the now infamous video which showed the official calling former Jürgen Klopp a “German [cee]” and Liverpool “sh!t”. PGMOL chief Howard Webb is taking the incident “very seriously” while an FA spokesperson droned: “We are aware of the matter, and we are investigating it.”

Talking of drones … Canada women’s head coach Bev Priestman has left her role following the spying scandal that rocked the team’s Olympics campaign.

Gianni Infantino will put his head in the sand (well, there’s plenty of it) and dodge any scrutiny over the decision to award the 2034 World Cup to Saudi Arabia by holding the tombola for the 2026 tournament online.

The men’s teams continue to fluff their lines but not so Arsenal and Manchester City Women’s sides. The Gunners cruised to a 4-0 Women’s Big Cup win over Juventus in Italy on Tuesday night while City made it three wins out of three in the competition with a 2-0 home success over Swedish side Hammarby.

Not only is he in the goals again for Manchester United, Bruno Fernandes is now scoring brownie points off the pitch after helping an unwell passenger on a plane.

Football League chief suit Rick Parry has accused the Premier League of undervaluing the football pyramid.

And Scottish League Two club Bonnyrigg Rose have been deducted six points because of the slope on their New Dundas Park pitch. “The Rosey Posey, the heartbeat to our community, needs your help,” sniffed a club statement. “We are fundraising to help towards levelling the pitch as well as improve draining.” It is expected the work could cost £100,000. Ouch.

“Welcome to Wroxham” is not just another example of Football Daily’s proofreaders having an off day but the name of a four-part documentary series for non-league Norfolk side Wroxham FC. In a bid to drum up interest, chief suit James Blower said there might be some similarities to a certain Welsh club that has recently dabbled in TV, but that Wroxham have missed out on Hollywood investment “by just one vowel”. The documentary will premiere at the clubhouse on Saturday, following their Isthmian League North clash with Witham Town. “We want to get more fans through the gate; we want to get a higher profile and ultimately, more commercial partners and investment,” trumpeted Blower. “People phone the club by accident or go on the website and they’ve got the wrong club. We also had an incident with a commercial partner who got incredibly excited when dealing with us. But then I realised the girls in the marketing team thought they were going to be working with Ryan Reynolds and not James Blower, and they were obviously very disappointed when they saw the reality.”

Looking for a present or just something to read? Then check out the Big Website bookshop, where you can now order the latest David Squires, new releases from Nick Miller, Miguel Delaney and Andy Mitten, or My Beautiful Sisters, by Khalida Popal.

Wretched, haunted but human: David Coote was made by modern football, says Barney Ronay. And Andy Hunter does a deep dive into all the Liverpool games with Coote as referee and VAR.

Could Newcastle defender Lewis Hall be the solution to England’s left-back problem? Jacob Steinberg looks ahead to the Nations League double header against Greece and the Republic of Ireland.

John Duerden looks at Sudan’s aim to reach their first World Cup finals despite being torn apart by an ongoing and fierce civil war.

And what’s the heaviest defeat to end an unbeaten run? The Knowledge knows.

September 1969: Here’s Jack Charlton receiving a silver tea set in recognition of his long service to Leeds United. It’s very nice but a bit tricky to take home in his boot bag.